Thursday, January 31, 2008

Quote of the Day!

I'd like to think that when they die, there's a special place in hell for all people who spell plural nouns with a Z.

- This guy

$30k Electric Sportscar

If you trust an auto manufacturer named Zap, then you might be willing to drop $30k on their upcoming electric sportscar, the Alias. The company claims it will go 0-60 in 5.7 seconds, hit a top speed of 120mph, and travel 150 miles on a charge.

It will be interesting to see if they can hit their price point and performance benchmarks when it goes into production. I also wonder if they will be able to produce a significant quantity or if there will be 100 world wide.

The drawbacks to this are that it looks kind of stupid for starters. Also, it's a 3 wheel vehicle, so technically it's classified as a motorcycle. That means it doesn't have to meet the safety requirments of typical automobiles. That is a tactic increasingly being used by these niche auto manufacturers. Troubling.

Still, if I had $30k burning a whole in my pocket, I'd consider picking one up as a commuter vehicle.

Useful Trivia

Today's bit of trivia is far too interesting to be categorized as useless. I don't know of what use it would ever be, but I still refuse to call it useless. Without further ado:

What is the major league record for the fewest pitches thrown by a single pitcher in a complete nine inning baseball game?

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


I've had trouble sleeping for years now, and have really gotten to the point that I don't really think about it much anymore, it's just become a way of life. I've gotten used to being tired all the time and all of the other complications that go along with a lack of sleep. But I was talking to a psychologist or a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist or something with psych in the name recently who said that the two reasons people have trouble sleeping are a bad diet or the inability to shut down their mind. I unquestionably fall into the latter category.

This has been rolling around the back of my mind for the last several days, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I've got a real lack of focus in general anymore. I don't know how often I catch myself staring at my monitor doing nothing at work, or open up a file on my computer and forget what I was looking for. I even get distracted in mid sentence on occasion and can't remember what I was talking about.

I feel that the first step has been identifying the problem. Now I have to start working out how to maintain focus, or how to re-focus myself when I've lost focus. If I can find a way to maintain control over my thought patterns, maybe all of the pieces of my life that are somewhat in disarray will start falling into place. In any case, being able to think more clearly should allow me to be more efficient and find solutions to problems that I haven't been able to work out.

I'm not sure if I want any suggestions on maintaining focus or not. In general, my mind doesn't seem to operate the same way most people's do, so I have the suspicion that what works for someone else probably won't work for me. I think I'm most likely going to have to work out a solution on my own.

I had one last thing to say, but it's gone now. Oh well.


You know, I was looking at the statistics down at the bottom of the page and saw that January saw my most prolific blogging last year, and so far this year it has been my most prolific month again. The only month I've had more posts than this January is last January. I've been wondering what it is about this month that I'm more opinionated than normal, but I've got a couple theories.

For starters, it's cold outside and I naturally spend more time indoors. But other months are cold too, so that's where the second part of my theory kicks in. November and December there are the holidays and all of the business that goes along with them. In addition to that there is more football to be watched. February is cold too, but a shorter month. Plus we always seem to have one week of unseasonably warm weather in February. October and March are warm enough to spend some more time outdoors.

My second theory is that seasonal affective disorder, or SAD :-( kicks in and in addition to effectively turning me into a hermit, makes me more grumpy and opinionated. That combined with the holidays, shorter months, etc mentioned above that are constants leads me to more time in front of the computer in January. And yes I realize that SAD is a comically stupid name, but the disorder is real none the less.

Those are the only two theories I've got so far. But either way, I'm not done with January yet. I've got a couple more posts in my hat.

Useless Statistics

........and other useless information.

So I ran the numbers in my head. Eharmony (yes I'm still thinking about that) claims to have 16 million registered members. They also claim that 60% of those are female. That means that I was rejected by 9.6 million women in one fell swoop. That's a new personal best for me. Granted, you don't get to be single at my age without experiencing a fair amount of rejection, but this really raised the bar.

I now have one remaining episode of Lost season 3 to watch before season 4 starts up tomorrow. I swear, the more I watch, the crazier that show gets. But I've come too far to give up now. The funniest quote I've heard so far is that since Jack and Claire are step siblings but don't know it, if they fall in love and get married, the island will be renamed West Virginia. I have my doubts about that happening though.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I hate meetings. It seems that in the last couple months, my presence has been requested or required at an ever increasing number of meetings. It's really starting to wear on me. How am I supposed to get anything done when I'm always in a damn meeting? Well, I tried just ignoring some last week thinking I could have a meeting free week. I was only summoned to two of them, so I may start ignoring meeting requests. Hopefully that won't result in my dismissal.

And since this is title useless statistics, I guess I'm legally obligated to throw out some more statistics. The fed cut interest rates again today by half a point. I'm not convinced this is a good idea. It seems like a short term solution to me and I think we'd be better off in the long run just letting the economy work itself out. But that may just be my irrational side kicking in - thinking that all the shady real estate 'investors' who artificially drove up the market should just take their lumps instead of having the government try to bail them out. That's all for now.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Motley Fool

I'm becoming a big fan of the Motley Fool web site. They always seem to have at least one interesting article per day and also good solid investing advice. A lot of the investing advice I read I don't really like, but what I see on the Fool is usually very logical. Check it out. Here is today's interesting article on how to turn a $3,000 investment into $210,000. This particular advice would involve a time machine, but the concepts involved are solid.

The Scooby Doo Effect

Yes I coined that term and I'm proud of it. It is a term used to describe a show that you loved as a kid, but when you saw it as an adult it turned out it's so bad that you're embarrassed to admit that you ever watched it. This first occurred to me while watching Scooby Doo, hence the name. Feel free to use and promote this term. I need the royalties.

Anyway, it got me thinking, what shows on television today will we look back on in 20 years and think they were stupid? I think Lost will probably be in that category. Heroes will probably stand the test of time. The Sopranos will still be around, but Sex In The City will be laughed at.

In general, I think anything that involves a lot of pop culture references will quickly be dated. For that reason I'm still on the fence regarding the Simpsons. It's loaded with pop culture references, but at the same time, episodes from 15 years ago are still in heavy rotation. I also think that once cyborgs finally do subdue the human race, the Terminator tv show will see a dramatic drop in the ratings.

Monday, January 28, 2008

No Hope

It's official, I'm undateable. I finally broke down and went to eharmony and after spending half an hour answering questions found out that they can't match me with anyone. I know that this news would turn most people into serial killers - as a matter of fact, I believe that's how the Green River Killer got started - but I resolve to prove them wrong. And then I'll kill every last one of those rat bastards working for eharmony.

So at this point my only recourse is to turn to strippers and prostitutes. Sure it has it's down sides - communicable diseases, toothless crack whores, etc. But then again, I think it might actually be cheaper than traditional dating and I won't have to go see any chick flicks. Seems like a fair trade off.

If that doesn't work out, I'll have to mail order a bride. I'll have to do my research though, I don't know whether it's preferable to get one from Southeast Asia or a former eastern block country. I could see myself with a sultry latin woman - eating meals comprised of different combinations of cheese and tortillas thrice daily - except that I haven't seen any latin bride catalogues or web sites.


This could turn out to be a long day at work. There was about an inch of snow at my place (in Redmond) this morning and it was still snowing lightly when I left. I figured that it would warm up and melt off during the day and therefore be safe to go to work. Well, after about 45 minutes, my bus had made it almost a half mile thanks to a nice hill and a solid layer of ice underneath the snow. I should have gotten off the bus and gone back home, but the bus finally fishtailed it's way to the top of the hill and hit some level ground and things went pretty smoothly from there.

Well, now I'm looking out the window and it's snowing like crazy and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll be able to make it home tonight. I didn't bring any skis so I'll be relying on public transportation. I also didn't bring a pillow or blanket, so I hope I don't have to spend the night at the office.

I have differing reports on the storm's progress coming in. One of the managers is saying that it will be over shortly and not to worry. Someone else is saying that it is quickly turning into a class 5 kill storm. I believe that's a term usually only used by meteorologists. The only sure thing at this point is that I'd much rather be at home playing some video games and sipping on some hot coffee. Perhaps with a blanket draped over me.

It this is my last post, you'll know that the storm got me. If that happens I'll see what I can do to blog from beyond the grave.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Misfortune Cookies

If you're looking for a great business opportunity, I've got one for you. Misfortune cookies. They are like fortune cookies, but the fortunes are all bad. It's unrealistic that all fortunes would be good. That's why with misfortune cookies, you would get fortunes such as:

The food you ate was poisoned, you will die in 20 minutes.

Your wife is cheating on you.

You will be fired in 3 weeks.

Financial ruin is imminent.

The Masons are secretly controlling the world.

Elvis isn't really dead and he stole your identity.

There's a good start for your new business. Once you make your first million, be sure to send me a box of the cookies.

Lost Returns

Lost season 4 starts on January 31st. If you've missed past episodes, get caught up here. You can even watch them in HD. Special thanks to The Molitor and his lovely wife for getting me caught up on a good portion of season 3. Unfortunately it turned out that getting entirely caught up was a bigger undertaking than I had initially realized. It looks like I'll be taking long lunches at work this week so I can watch the remaining unseen episodes of season 3 on my laptop.

And so here are my predictions for this season:

1. They will find out that the island is in the Bermuda triangle. That's the only possible explanation for all the weird stuff that goes on there.

2. It will be revealed that everyone on the island is related to Jack in some way.

3. The "others" will turn out to be Scientologists. Tom Cruise will be their leader.

4. All the "survivors" will find out that they actually died in the crash and the island is actually the first circle of hell.

5. Hurley will eat a candy bar.

6. With the writers guild strike continuing indefinitely, the writing will be outsourced and the show will become a Mexican soap opera filled with hammy overacting, a guy dressed in a bee costume, and tons of gorgeous scantily clad women.

Primary vs Caucus

Quick poll, do you prefer primaries or caucuses. Since the Washington caucus is coming up in early February and the primary comes along about 2 weeks later, I decided it is a good time to brush up on my presidential politics. According to this web site, a caucus is:
"a private meeting of members of a political party to plan action or to select
delegates for a nominating convention."

Whereas, a primary is:
"[an] election held to nominate a candidate for a particular party at a
forthcoming election for public office."

It goes on to say that a primary is more like an election and a caucus is more like a town hall meeting with lots of pretty speachifying and such. It sounds to me as though you have to be a registered party member and have an invitation to be involved in a caucus. I'm not sure, however, why Washington has both. I'm also not sure if the caucus has any bearing on nominating candidates in this state. I've already done enough political research for one day, so I'm not going to find out right now.

There She Is ....

.... Miss America. I just saw the headline that Miss Michigan was unceremoniously crowned Miss America 2008 sometime on Saturday. And Miss Washington came in third! I had no idea that the competition was even being held. Is it even televised anymore? I seem to remember that when I was younger, the Miss America competition was actually a big deal. It seems like an afterthought now. I'm honestly a little surprised that with the writers strike, the competition couldn't garner more attention against a bunch of crappy reality and game shows. I guess it's just a matter of time until it's abolished all together.

I don't know that it can be saved, but the first step will have to be replacing the talent competition and the interviews. Those are excruciating to watch. I don't know what to replace them with, but definitely not any Survivor-esque elimination challenges or a poker tournament. There's enough of that stupid crap on tv as is. I would not be opposed to throwing them in the octagon for some ultimate fighting. That could only help ratings. No eye gouging, low blows, or fish hooking though. Or maybe oil wrestling.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Fighting Shows

I really like Human Weapon and the new copy cat show Fight Quest. I really like to see different fighting styles. I think it would be really cool to be able to travel the world myself and train in different fighting styles, but getting to watch someone else do it is the next best thing.

There are a couple things that bother me though. Some of the training is just so ridiculous that I think it's entirely based on bravado. Seeing how much crazy ass nonsense you will put up with. What can really be gained by swinging knives at each other at the top of a volcano while breathing toxic fumes? How much does punching trees or breaking blocks of ice with your head really improve you?

The other thing is that I would like to see how some of these martial artists would do against a different fighting style. I understand that the point of the show is to learn the different styles, and to do so they must fight in that style. But what I would suggest to the producers is that since both shows send out 2 guys, they should have one guy fight in the style they are learning, and the other guy fight by combining everything he's learned from other arts. I see a lot of styles that don't strike to the head and so the practitioners have their hands down around their waists. What would they do if they had to throw on some head gear and fight against a boxer?

Both shows have featured Savate. It may be an effective art, but leave it to the French to create the gayest looking art there is. Those guys just look like a bunch of dandies.

Even though Human Weapon came out first, it always seems like their opponents are taking it easy on them. The guys in Fight Quest really take a serious beating. I have to respect that. It is a 100% all out brawl on that show.

I'm still waiting for one of the shows to go learn Capoiera. That is a very interesting art. The practitioners are very athletic, but I'd like to see how they would do in a mixed martial art fight.

So far the fighting styles I have liked the most are Kyokushin Karate (no surprise there), Krav Maga, Sambo (Russian martial art), and good old fashioned boxing. I really couldn't care less about Ju Jitsu or really most of the other grappling arts. Rolling around with a sweaty dude just doesn't interest me. Plus it's just not interesting to watch, which is one of the reasons I've never gotten into watching ultimate fighting. Since watching these shows, I've decided that I want to take some boxing lessons.

If you haven't watched either show yet, do yourself a favor and tune in the next time one of them is on. I'd tell you when they are on, but my DVR knows so I don't have to.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Ode To A Lost Glove

Oh glove, why have you left me when I need you most. Had you become lost in the summer time, I wouldn't have minded. Why, like all things that come in pairs, must only one of you get lost? You know I can't wear just one glove. Not only is it ineffective, it makes me look ridiculous. It's sad that we must be parted this way. I hope that your replacement will be more loyal.

Economic Stimulus Package

It's official, we are all getting a late Christmas present from Uncle Sam. The government is going to give us all $600 to kick start the economy. My question is, what's the consensus on this? Will this turn the economy around? Will it have a short term effect only to return to where it was a couple months ago? Or will it have no effect at all?

Secondly, what do you plan to do with your $600? Pay off bills? Take a vacation? Buy 600 lottery tickets in attempt to parlay the good fortune into larger earnings? Buy one share of Google stock?

I will more than likely just put mine in the bank or possibly invest in the stock market. My IRA has been making me sad recently though and I'm hesitant to throw good money after bad. But then again, there is a big Martin Luther King Jr. sale going down in the stock market right now, and I'd be foolish not to buy low. I just haven't been doing my research lately and have no idea what to buy. Any good stock tips, preferably with an explanation of why it's a good investment, will be taken under advisement.

My current strategy is to buy stocks that pay a good dividend, put them on automatic dividend reinvestment, and let the magic of compounding interest carry me to prosperity. The other part of the theory being that if a stock pays a 6% dividend, it doesn't really matter if it goes up in value, but if it does, you double your gains. Again, this is all theoretical at this point. It's worked with a couple stocks so far, but I haven't done it enough to have solid data. Still, the theory is sound.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Maybe It's Just Me

I don't know if it's just one of my unusual character traits, or if other people are like this too, but I don't take complements well. For some reason they make me feel uncomfortable. I guess attention or recognition of any kind bothers me. I really prefer to be left alone most of the time. What does it all mean? It seems most people like attention, am I the only one who doesn't?

On a completely unrelated topic, I just saw a commercial for Saw 4. I can't believe they keep cranking out those pieces of crap. Since 2 was bad and 3 was even worse, I can only imagine how bad 4 is.

And now there is a commercial for Meet The Spartans. Wow does it look stupid. Somebody must watch those parodies or they wouldn't keep making them. I've just never met someone who actually likes them. I didn't see any Wayans brothers in the preview, but I suspect some are involved. That is the only employment they can secure these days.

Finally, I was down at the gym tonight and couldn't help wondering why some people go in and don't even do enough to work up a sweat, breathe hard, or even raise their heart rate. Is it purely for show? Is it just to keep somebody else from using the equipment? I assume it's so they can feel like they are getting exercise while not actually getting any. Kind of the exercise equivalent of drinking diet pop and eating light ice cream in order to lose weight. Those people sicken me and I hate them. Particularly when I can't use the exercise bike or some other piece of equipment as a result.

And so ends my random nonsense for the night.

We Are Marshall

I just got finished watching We Are Marshall. This was an outstanding movie. Based on the true story of the 1970 Marshall University football team, almost all of whom were killed in a plane crash and the team, university, and town trying to rebuild after the tragedy. It is a very moving and emotional film. The film really did a great job of showing how much the team helped the family and community heal. With so many hurdles to overcome, it really was almost a miracle that they were able to field a team at all. It's inspiring to see what a few determined people can accomplish. The acting was terrific all around. From the big name actors down to the guys I've never seen before, they were all convincing. Sure, the 70's fashions are an eyesore, but it's worth putting up with to see a great story.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Maybe You've Noticed

It's damn cold outside. The kind of cold weather that makes complete strangers tell you how cold it is. It's also the kind of cold that makes people from other parts of the country tell you all about what cold really is. Which brings me to my real point.

We've got a lot of people in the area that have moved here from somewhere else. Why is it that they all have to talk about how much better things are where they came from. How many times have you heard things like:

You call this cold?
You call this snow?
This isn't real pizza.
This isn't a bagel.
You guys don't know what traffic really is.

And so on. Why do people come here if all they do is talk about how much better things were where they came from? Is is just part of the human condition? The grass is always greener on the other side syndrome? Is it simple one upsmanship (yest that's a real word)? Is it that we remember things as better than they really were?

Maybe I'll have to move to some small town where everyone there has lived there for their entire lives and don't have any point of reference to compare it to. Or maybe I should just punch people who say things like that. Except that then they would just say 'you call that a punch'? Maybe there is no answer other than just learning to tolerate it.

Big Bad Moon

Today on the way home, heading across 520, I found myself transfixed by the enormous orange moon hovering above Juanita. I wish I had a camera with me. I don't know what it is about a full moon, even though I've seen it a thousand times, I still enjoy looking at it.


I ran out of propane for my BBQ last night (no steak for me) and have been trying to remember to pick some up on the way home. Somehow this has gotten me to the point humming the Eric Clapton tune Cocaine with the word propane substituted. Yes it's stupid, and kind of annoying too, but once it's started, it can't be stopped. And I figure I've got about a 50-50 shot of forgetting to stop on the way home which will mean I'll have that running through my head tomorrow too. This is just a small glimpse into the horror that is the inner workings of my mind. Good times.

RIP Heath Ledger

I don't know who had Heath Ledger on their death watch list for this year, but he was found dead in his apartment today of an apparent drug overdose.

I don't know how this effects the new Batman movie. He was cast as the Joker. I don't know if they have started filming yet, or if they have finished, or if they are in the middle. I guess if they are in the middle of filming, at least he was the Joker, so they can slap enough make up on some other actor and get away with it.

Anyway, it's a shame to see someone throw their life away at such a young age.

Monday, January 21, 2008


Since it seems that I am incapable of finding a woman on my own, I'm considering doing what was once unthinkable. Signing up for eHarmony or some such dating service. I know it smacks of desperation, and I have my doubts about it's effectiveness, but it seems that using conventional methods, I'm only able to find women who like me, but I'm not really attracted to, or women I like a lot but couldn't give a rats ass about me. Neither situation seems acceptable at the moment. Perhaps I'm too superficial and should just look beyond physical attraction, but I can't help feeling that I shouldn't have to settle on someone I'm not crazy about. And so I find myself at this crossroads. Do I stick to traditional methods that so far have gotten me nowhere, or do I swallow my pride and accept the stigma that goes along with online dating? I'm not quite to that point yet, but I'm inching closer with each passing day. Is there some third option that I haven't yet considered?

May 22

Save the date on your calendar. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull hits theaters May 22. So far Lucas and Spielberg have been tight lipped about the film, but that's the way I like it. Hopefully I won't hear any of the plot details before I watch it.

The Indiana Jones trilogy is my favorite movie series, so it is with both great excitement and great fear that I await this film. It could be great, or, since Lucas is involved, he could screw it up just like the Star Wars prequels. I have confidence in Spielberg to take care of business though. Right now I'm remaining positive. I think it's going to be great.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

California Guitar Trio

Friday night I hopped on the ferry after work and headed over to Bremerton's Admiral Theater to go see the California Guitar Trio. I'd never heard of them before, but they sounded kind of interesting. It turns out they were pretty good. The group is comprised of 3 very talented acoustic guitarists and nobody else. How a guy from Japan, a guy from Belgium, and a guy from Utah managed to get together and name themselves the California Guitar Trio is a mystery to me, but that's not important right now. What is important is that they've got a very unique sound. They are inspired by a variety of diverse sources including, but not limited to, classical music, flamenco, surf guitar, and classic rock. They play both original compositions as well as covers. They played their own arrangements of the Ventures, Beethoven, Pink Floyd, Devo, Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, and they closed the show with Free Bird. My favorite of the evening, however, was Toccata and Fugue in D minor by Bach. I managed to find a version of it on youtube. Check it out.

It turns out it was a very good show, and I would go see them again. Do yourself a favor and look up a few more of their videos.

.... And I Vote!

I'm pretty sure I've already posted my bumper sticker rant in the past, so I'll try not to repeat myself, but I've got a very specific bumper sticker that's irritating me lately. You've all seen them before - I'm (fill in the blank) and I vote! As if the voting threat is going to make me take these jokers seriously. To me they are just public proclamations that nobody respects their opinion. It's really kind of pathetic. I do now want to get a bumper sticker that says I'm a moron and I vote though. I may be the only one entertained by that I'm afraid.

I'm also pretty annoyed by the resurgence of the baby on board window signs. I thought we'd killed those off years ago. The only thing good to come of those is the Simpsons episode in which Homer's band - The B Sharps - write a hit barber shop tune titled Baby on Board. And I'll end with this quote from Marge Simpson, "Now people will stop intentionally ramming my car!"

New England Volcano

Are you like me? Did you ever wonder what that volcano looking thing on the 50 yard line of Gillette Stadium was? Well, wonder no more. According to this web site, it's the Gillette Stadium logo, comprised of the bridge and tower at the entrance to the stadium. Now the only thing I'm left wondering is why they chose a logo that causes most people to wonder what in the world it is.

This picture clears the mystery up.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Energy Gum

Not content with traditional caffeinated beverages and cocaine, enterprising entrepreneurs concocted the energy drink to satiate the public's appetite for a good high twitch buzz. Now apparently energy drinks are no longer sufficient as energy gum has forced it's way into the market place. I was given a pack of Mad Croc gum recently, and finding myself in need of a boost on a Friday afternoon, I decided to chew some. Well, I can tell you right now that I still feel like I could use a nap, and in addition, the gum was not very tasty. Sure it was tolerable at first, but the longer I kept it in my mouth, the worse it got. I can't in good conscience recommend this product to anyone.

The packaging claims that two pieces of gum contains the same amount of caffeine as an 8 oz energy drink, leading me to wonder what would happen if I crammed an entire package into my mouth all at once. Such an experiment might well lead to my demise, so I'll at least put it off until a Monday so I don't waste a 3 day weekend by being dead. That would be a shame.

On a completely unrelated topic, the spell checker doesn't recognize the word public's. It would seem that according to blogger, the public is not allowed to possess anything and therefore the possessive form of the word doesn't exist.


This is a far better review of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles than I could have ever written. Here are some of the highlights:

Summer Glau plays a “good” Terminator, assigned to protect teenager John
Connor from the “bad” Terminators who are trying to whack him before he can grow
up and save the world. Scientologists believe the same is true of the Tom
Cruise/Katie Holmes baby. The Terminator legend is more grounded.

In this TV version will John Conner be hunted down each week by a different
Oakland Raider lineman?

If they’re going to use different Terminators, why not have celebrity
Terminators? Wouldn’t you just love to see Ann Coulter shot with bazookas, hit
by a truck, electrocuted with a million volts, and crushed in a vice? Throw in
slow-motion and you have multiple Emmys.

That's some good stuff. Rarely do I read something which makes me laugh out loud. Kudos Ken Levine.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Bring It Back

With the recent trend of bringing back old tv shows (see Knight Rider, American Gladiator, etc..) sweeping the nation, I've compiled a list of the top 5 shows I think are worthy of a second life. Noticeably absent from the list is Futurama because technically it is back already. Perhaps not on a regular weekly basis yet, but new episodes are being produced. So here we go, in no particular order except the one you see below.

1. Sledgehammer. This was a comedy in the mid-80's which never quite caught on. Sure it was a little corny, but this is the perfect opportunity to weed out all of the corn and turn it into a full fledged gut busting comedy. And if you only remember the show with the original, nails on a chalkboard laugh track, do yourself a favor and rent the DVD's which are presented without said laugh track, as nature intended.

2. The A-Team. If you've got a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team. Yes, with today's technology, they could easily fire off thousands more rounds of ammunition every episode without actually hitting anyone, and they could have even more cars flipped going off a ramp with only 2 wheels. Don't even pretend you don't want to see that.

3. Land of the Lost. That's right, I said it. Imagine how good this could have been without the stop motion animation and guys running around cheap sets in bad looking costumes. CGI could make this show a huge hit. It's just like Lost, except with dinosaurs. How could this possibly go wrong?

4. The Tick. No, not the awful live action version with Patrick Warburton. The original cartoon in all it's glory. The Tick was hilarious. Ridiculous, over the top villains, a big goofy super hero with possibly the greatest battle cry in history - Spooooooon! And don't forget his talking pet dog speak, who doesn't actually talk and only later does he find out isn't actually a dog.

5. Firefly. Cutting it down to just 5 was difficult, but in the end, I had to go with Firefly since it never really got a fair chance. I think they only made 14 episodes before it got canceled, but it was an extremely well done show. Had people actually heard about it before it was canceled, I have no doubt it would have been huge. As a matter of fact, I had never heard of it until the critically acclaimed film Serenity - based on the tv show Firefly - was released. If you like sci-fi, or just well written television in general and haven't seen it, you owe it to yourself to check it out.

Other shows that I considered but didn't quite make the top 5 cut: Perfect Strangers, Alf, Mr. Belvedere, Miami Vice, Magnum PI, and Amazing Stories. Free praise to anyone who can come up with something better than my top 5.

Useless Trivia

I came across this interesting bit o' trivia this morning. I'll admit that I couldn't come up with the answer to this one:

Who won the Oscar for Best Actor with the shortest performance—just over 16 minutes onscreen?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I Hate To Say I Told You So

...but apparently I'm not the only one to hold a grudge against Circuit City. Apparently they decided to lay off all of their experienced employees and replace them with cheap new hires in a cost cutting move. As it turns out, a lot of people noticed the piss poor customer service and their sales have plummeted. I'm sure that Fry's and Best Buy are thanking them for that move. I just hope my company won't suffer the same fate from sending so many jobs overseas.

Rabid Fans

It is with a happy heart that I tell you that the Green Bay fan who taped up his 7 year old son and taped a Packers jersey to him when he refused to wear it during their game against the Seahawks has been arrested. After his wife turned him in, he got off with just a couple days in the slammer and a light fine - $186. If it were me, I would have forced him to wear a Giants jersey to the most run down bar in town during the NFC Championship. The punishment should fit the crime I say.

Sony Cuts Price Of PS3 In Half

Yes, it's true, that's the exact wording of the misleading headline I read today. Of course this drew my interest. It was only after clicking on the link that I found out what it should have said. Sony cuts cost of PS3 in half. I suppose that eventually this will turn into retail price cuts, but I doubt by half. Once it will actually cost me half as much as now, I'll put one on my shopping list.

No More Pacman?

In an attempt to win over the sympathy of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell who had suspended him for the entire 2007 season, Pacman Jones allegedly sucker punched a stripper. So my question at this point is: Has Pacman, the moronic thug*, played his last game in the NFL? Come to think of it, has he played a game yet? Maybe the question should be will Pacman ever play an NFL game? Either way, is this the end of his career? It certainly should be if you ask me. As far as I can tell, he doesn't have a talent for anything other than getting in trouble. Any team that takes a chance on him now has to be absolutely desperate for a corner.

*note: this is an editorial comment

Beware New York

This is why everyone outside of New York hates New York. If you ever find yourself injured in New York, for God's sake, get to a hospital in New Jersey lest you wind up like the subject of this article. Struck in the head by a wooden beam and the next thing he knows, he's being held down by orderlies while doctors administer a rectal "exam". I suppose that given recent events involving Catholic priests, this sort of situation might conceivably occur in a Catholic hospital, but the article says this was a Presbyterian hospital. Do Presbyterian ministers need some scrutiny now? I'd say so.

Useless Trivia

In cooking terms, how much is a smidgen?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Rumor Mill

Here is the latest information from the rumor mill. In an attempt to one up Tony Romo, whom you all know is dating Jessica Simpson, Terrell Owens will start dating Britney Spears. Against all odds, they will end up having a well adjusted, completely sane child. Followed by a second child who will turn out to be the anti-Christ and will be named Damien Spears-Owens.

As always, remember you heard it here first.


I've now seen two episodes of Terminator: The Sara Connor Chronicles and it's still to early to render a verdict. Sure it has some promise - the production values are pretty good, especially for a tv series, and the acting seems to be improving from the pilot, and it turns out that the actor that plays the cute terminator is actually 26 so I don't have to feel bad about looking at her. But I can't help feeling that it's still just a little too cheesy. It could easily become a Sci-Fi Channel caliber cheese fest just like the Stargate series. There's still hope that it doesn't go that way, but I'll warn you if it does.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Quote/Trivia of the Day!

In the Simpsons episode 'The Father, The Son, and The Holy Guest Star', where Bart and Homer become Catholic, who tells Father Sean (Played by Liam Neeson), "Sean, yah wanker repent of your wicked ways or sod off!"


I am still unable to rationally discuss the Seahawks loss. Even thinking about it sends me into violent mood swings usually reserved for pregnant women. I haven't been experiencing any strange cravings yet though. Maybe that is still to come.

But since I can't talk about that game, I'll talk about the rest of the playoff games. I couldn't be happier to see the hated Cowboys lose and Terrell Owens weep like a school girl. That really is heartwarming. I didn't enjoy seeing the hated Patriots win, but since that was really a foregone conclusion, can't get too upset about that. I thought that the Jags had a pretty solid D, but Brady absolutely shredded them. It really was pretty impressive. I still hate him though.

The Colts loss was the most disappointing of the remaining games. I really like Tony Dungy and think he is a classy guy and hope that this wasn't his last game. But the biggest reason I like the Colts is because I think very highly of their owner - Jim Irsay. My Grandfather had an old war buddy that was on the USS Indianapolis which, long story really short, was sunk in WWII and the crew was left floating in shark infested waters for 5 days before being rescued. Only 316 of the 1,196 men on board survived. Well, several years ago, Jim Irsay paid out of his own pocket to have all of the remaining survivors flown out to Indianapolis for a reunion, and in addition to that, every time the Colts were in Seattle, there were a pair of tickets to the game waiting for my Grandfather's friend courtesy of Mr. Irsay. That man is a class act in my book and I've been a fan of the Colts because of him. And it is for that reason I'm sad to see the Colts eliminated. Plus the hobbled Chargers are going to be completely over matched against the unstoppable Patriot juggernaut.

To get back to the Seahawks, all I can talk about now is the off season moves. I'm still undecided on whether or not we should cut our losses with Alexander or give him one more year to earn his money. We really need some O-linemen and a tight end in the draft and I'd rather not have to use up a top pick on a running back. That being said, if Rashard Mendenhall is still available when the Hawks pick comes up, I hope they grab him. That guy is exactly what they need, a power runner with just enough speed to take it all the way if he breaks a couple tackles. Once he's wearing Seahawks blue, it will be easier to say good bye to Alexander.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Pirates 3

I finally got around to watching Pirates #3 this weekend and have some mixed feelings. For starters, it wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting based on the reviews I've read and what people have told me about it. Sure it had it's problems, but it was watchable. Yes it was poorly edited (or possibly not edited) and way too long, and yes, the plot made no sense at times. I guess it fell prey to the same pitfalls that got to other quality sequels, most notably the Matrix sequels: whoever was in charge figured they could just throw in a bunch of fancy CG effects, a handful of semi-interesting scenes cobbled together to form a crazy plot, and some way too long action scenes and call it a day.

On the plus side, it did have some fantastic special effects, and tied up at least some of the loose ends from part 2. And the Flying Dutchman was pretty damn cool looking too. I guess I don't have a lot to say about it other than you might as well watch it if you've seen the first two. but if you've only seen the first one, you should probably skip it.

In other news, I'm about 10 minutes into Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. So far I'm not too hopeful that it will turn out very good, although a cute girl who's way too young for me just made an appearance. Hopefully she's a regular. But the acting isn't too impressive and at this point it seems a bit cheesy. A lot of pilots aren't too impressive though, so we'll see.

I did find out that Universal HD (channel 660) is playing Jericho and managed to catch the first 2 episodes and that looks promising. I'll have to watch a few more episodes to really get a feel for it though.

I'm also pretty happy to find that Comcast is now showing full length episodes of a lot of tv shows online. I'll have a lot of trouble staying out from in front of the tv and/or computer now.

Good news, the cute girl turned out to be a terminator sent to protect John Connor so I don't think we've seen the last of her.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

What would you do for $355?

If you said you'd wheel your dead room mate down to the local check cashing establishment in an office chair to try to cash his social security check, then get in line behind these two who already tried that and found out it didn't work. It seems pretty obvious to any rational human being that something like that would never work, but I guess if you've made it to 65 and still haven't been able to amass enough wealth to not have to share an apartment with 2 room mates, then I shouldn't be too surprised if you aren't the brightest bulb in the box.

I usually don't read comments left at the bottom of articles like this, but for some reason this time I did. And despite the fact that reading some of the comments has left me dumber (I have no doubt) as well as reminding me why I don't (90% of the population seems incapable of using correct spelling or grammar let alone completing a sentence that makes sense), I did find one to be quite amusing: "WOW, now Democrats are using their voting techniques to cash checks." Kudos to you my friend, that made me chuckle.

What's Stuck In My Head?

Still going strong since yesterday, I've got the Spiderpig theme song stuck in my head today. I don't know how something that's only 10 seconds long can get stuck on a continuous loop, but somehow it did.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

This Just In ...

According to the Sports Pickle, the BCS has finally agreed to a playoff system. Article copied below for your convenience:

BCS commissioners propose 2-team playoff
Facing mounting pressure to change the current BCS Championship format in college football, the BCS commissioners offered a compromise today, proposing at two-team playoff system that could be implemented as early as next season.“This isn’t the four or eight-team playoff that some people want,” said Ohio State president Gordon Gee. “But it is a fair compromise. We’re going to put the two teams in a bracket. A friggin’ bracket, people – okay? Isn’t that what everyone wants? Now please stop complaining.”The new BCS Tournament will choose the tournament participants with a selection committee in order to be even more like the popular basketball NCAA Tournament model.“It will be just like the NCAA Tournament committee,” said Gee, “only the final decision will be made by the BCS computer. Again, a very fair compromise on our part.”

All I can say is it's about time. It's a relief to see that the BCS can be reasonable and come up with this fair compromise.

Election 2008

Still on the fence about who you should vote for? Well fear not, for this link will do all the deciding for you. Simply answer about 15 questions on a variety of topics and it will tell you which candidate is closest to your own views.

I went through, and now I'm ready for the election. I don't have to watch any of the debates now. I can skip all the news coverage, and I can avoid all the sound bites. It's such a relief to not have to decide for myself anymore.

Elvis Trivia

As Shelvis and probably nobody else knows, yesterday was Elvis's birthday, or would have been. So in honor of the king, here's some trivia:

What is the only product for which Elvis Presley did a commercial?

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Basketball Will Remain In Seattle

For all of you out there - or maybe I should say for that one last person out there - concerned about Seattle being left without a pro basketball team, fear no more. ESPN just announced that a local group has gotten together and bought the Seattle Storm. Go ahead and rejoice now.

Monday, January 07, 2008

American Gladiator

I was glad when the original American Gladiator died off, so imagine my dismay when they brought it back. And as hard as it was to take the original seriously, it is that much harder when one of the characters looks like a crazier version of Ben Stiller from the movie Dodgeball. And the addition of Hulk Hogan and Layla Ali don't do anything to add credibility. It is completely ridiculous. No word yet on whether or not they reused the original theme song which would bore into my brain and dig in like the worms in Chekov's ear in Star Wars 2: The Wrath of Kahn.
And just to prove that network execs are completely out of ideas and have no recourse but to bring back old tv shows, the Night Rider remake commercials are really picking up steam. I don't see how that could be good, particularly if they bring back David Hasselhoff along with it. If anyone actually watched that he or she will have to write up a review.

Weekend Movie Roundup

In between watching football games this weekend, I spent as much time in front of the tv as possible. It was damn fantastic to get to stay home all, well, almost all weekend and just rest. Long story short, I watched 3 movies this weekend, and for the sake of brevity, they will not be full reviews, but just quick impressions.

First up was the critically acclaimed Knocked Up. If you're into movies about morons sitting around telling extremely low brow "jokes", then this is the movie for you. Unfortunately I'm not into that type of movie and so I found it quite tedious and juvenile. It did have some moments of humor and even some heart, so it wasn't a total loss. I really think that the actors that played main character Katherine Heigl's (she's the one who got knocked up) sister and brother in law stole the show. Hold on while I look up their names - there we are - Leslie Mann, who (or is it whom? I think whom is grammatically correct) you may have seen in Big Daddy and Paul Rudd, who looked familiar but I couldn't tell you where I've seen him before.

Anyway, to give you an example of one of the few funny scenes, Leslie Mann suspects Paul Rudd has been cheating on her since he's been giving her hard to believe stories about where he's going. And so she buys some spyware for her computer to monitor his email. She uncovers the address of a place he is going to be one night which conflicts with the story he tells her. She busts into the house to find he's in the middle of a fantasy baseball draft and he admits that he has been lying to her because he needed some time away from her with the guys. And the movie is all downhill from there folks. Oh, and the one other thing it has going for it is the false hope it gives to dorks that under the right circumstances, and with enough alcohol, you might be able to score with a babe. I give this one 400,002 stars out of a possible one million. That's a little below average for those of you who struggle with math.

Next up was Rush Hour 3. Having enjoyed the first two movies, I ignored the bad reviews and watched this mess. Rush Hour 3 is just bad. Chris Tucker is more annoying than ever. The story is very disjointed - almost like an adult film in that it is just a collection of scenes cobbled together with just enough story to almost make sense. Except instead of sex scenes, it was Jackie Chan action scenes and annoying Chris Tucker "comedy" scenes which, by the way, all had the feel of being ad libbed. And having seen the outtakes of all 3 movies, I'm convinced that Tucker ad libs everything because he is incapable of remembering and/or pronouncing his lines. The movie is mercifully short though - approximately an hour and fifteen minutes - capped off by and abrupt ending that left me saying "that's it?" Avoid this movie.

Saving the best for last, I picked up a copy of Road To Perdition for $6.99. And just yesterday I saw it advertised for $4.99 at Circuit City, so the ban on them will be lifted long enough for all of you to go pick up a copy. I'd seen this movie before and remembered liking it, but after watching it again realized I really didn't remember much of it. That being said, it is a wonderful movie. Tom Hanks is a 30's era hit man employed by the oddly kindly old mob boss played by Paul Newman. I don't want to make this a plot summary rather than a review, so all I'm going to tell you about the rest of the plot is that Tom Hanks and his son end up on the run while Paul Newman's crazy son Daniel Craig - who you might remember as James Bond.

And based on that much, you might think this is an action packed thriller, but it's a slow paced, cerebral movie focusing on the relationship between Hanks and his son. Hanks wants a better life for his son, but as things move on, it looks like his son is destined to follow in his footsteps and turn to a life of crime. The acting is excellent all around, and Jude Law also has a nice little role - lending his talents to the Hanks and son manhunt. The ambiance is wonderful, and I really felt that the music was poignant yet understated. The whole thing was very well done and manages to tug on the heartstrings at times. Road To Perdition gets a solid 88/100.

Saturday, January 05, 2008


I found 2 very interesting articles on Wired today. Imagine my surprise.

First, scientists are working on a way to use sunlight to convert CO2 to methanol or gasoline. Apparently the idea of recycling emissions isn't new, but has been too difficult and expensive in the past. I don't know how long it will be until this becomes a viable resource, but I'm always excited by new uses of technology to reduce pollution. It seems that the prevailing attitude among tree huggers in this country is that we should revert to pre-industrial revolution lives to save the environment. If we could just convince the environmentalists to refocus their efforts and resources to promoting technological solutions then maybe we could really start getting somewhere.

Second, the good people at DARPA have developed a chemical which, when administered via a nasal spray, counteracts the effects of sleep deprivation. Unfortunately they say that the prospects of staying awake 24/7 are unrealistic at this point, perhaps we can get there eventually. Imagine how many more video games I could play if I had that 6 or 7 extra hours in my day. What I do find a little troubling is that UCLA psychology professor Jerome Siegel refers to it as "relatively benign."

The article says that studies of narcolepsy showed that it is caused by a lack of the hormone orexin A, and from there it was an easy solution to simply find an effective way to administer orexin A to reduce the symptoms of sleep deprivation. I also assume that it is an effective cure for narcolepsy. When it becomes commercially available, I'm going to have to pick up a Costco size case of it.

Good Day

Every once in a while, the planets align, and everything can come together to make you feel great. Today is one of those days. I got over 8 hours of sleep. The Seahawks won. I got jacked up on caffeine - drinking about twice the amount of coffee I normally do. My Sevendust Retrospect 2 CD/DVD came in the mail and I'm listening to some loud heavy metal, probably annoying the neighbors. It just doesn't get much better than that. You know, it really is the simple things that make life worth living.


Well, it's official: the evil Tom Brady won the NFL MVP. That should come as no surprise to anyone, but what surprised me was that it wasn't a unanimous decision. One holdout voted for Brett Favre. I assume that it was either a nostalgia vote or an I hate Brady vote. Either way, there's no way that Favre or anyone else should have been even close.

To change subjects, I am developing a man-crush on both Patrick Kerney and Darryl Tapp. And the Seahawks D in general is really looking good. Today's game was a little closer than I would have preferred (until the last few minutes anyway), but I'll take it. It makes me happy to see a team like the Redskins claw their way back, really believe they are going to win, and then have their spirits completely crushed, all within a span of approximately 10 minutes. Look out Green Bay. I'm looking forward to Kerney and Tapp sacking Favre into retirement. Maybe some sort of Favre sammich which makes him never want to set foot on a football field again.


Has anyone seen the tv series Jericho? Netflix claims I will like it, but I don't know if that's just because I've rated some other tv series highly. They have been known to be way off on their recommendations before, so I'm a little skeptical. The one paragraph they have about it sounds like it might be interesting though.

And while I'm on the topic of tv series, does anyone have an opinion on either The Terminator, or The Tudors? I haven't seen The Terminator yet, but have my doubts. I have seen one, maybe 2 episodes of the Tudors and wasn't too impressed. I don't know if I just haven't given it enough of a chance yet though.

Oh, and someone - I think Lyndsay - recommended Prison Break but I haven't watched that yet either. I just can't imagine how they can make a series out of that. It seems like they would break out and then the show would be over. Either that or they never break out, in which case it should just be called Prison.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

I'm In Love

I think I just found my dream girl - Sarah Ponce. Professional swimsuit model and professional mixed martial artist, she's pulling down 2 paychecks. She's a knockout who could knock you out. An ass kicking super babe. I could go on like this for a while, but nobody wants that. Just enjoy the photo below.

To The Drunk Hottie Who Fell Off My Motorcycle

Very special thanks to my uncle who uncovered this gem. It's a personal ad on Craig's List, and it's got to be fake, but you know what, I don't care. It's pure hilarity either way. And just to save you the trouble of having to follow the link, I'll perform the public service of copying and pasting it. And to the unknown woman who is the subject of this personal ad, kudos.

I met you at the bar last night, and we hit it off. Ya we were both a little buzzed, but you seemed as into me as I was into you. Things got to things, we made out a bit, and you ended up going home with me on the back of my motorcycle, which was awesome because that doesn't usually happen to me. I luckily had the extra helmet with me and let you wear my bike jacket while suffering the cold on the way home. I was feeling pretty happy and lucky to say the least.

This is where things got crazy.

I don't know if you slipped, or thought I was taking you home to kill you, or if your're just plain crazy and had a change of heart, but all of a sudden you let go of me MID-TURN and went flying into the bushes at about 10-15mph near the park by my house. I was so freaked out!!! when I looked back to see you fumbling in the bushes I could only PRAY TO GOD that you didn't hit the asphalt or something worse.

I really thought ou must have been hurt at least a bit, but as I turned around to come check on you, you took off into the unlit park running full speed with my helmet and jacket still on! I parked my bike and looked for you for over 2 hours calling your name until I was so cold I had to go home or risk freezing to death.


Im sorry for what happened and I really hope your're ok, really I do, but seriously WTF. Running into a forested park in the middle of the night like that....I really can't begin to guess what you were thinking, and you weren't that drunk, but i suppose my "crazy-bitch o' meter" wasn't working at the bar that night, and from the speed you took off I can only surmise that your're not that hurt. I would like my expensive bike gear back though, I hope it kept you warm during your psychotic episode, but it IS mine and I kinda need it to get around in the winter. If you could return it to the bar for me, check in with your shrink, and promise to never come near me again that would be great, cause you scared the #*$% outta me and are costing me alot of money.


Very cold/poor motorcycle rider who will never let women near his bike again.

I Love Peanut Butter

Particularly when combined with chocolate. When those 2 things are readily available, it is hazardous to my waist line. I often find myself powerless to resist it's supernatural power to pull me in. It calls out to me, much like the sirens of Greek mythology - luring me to my doom.

Please be advised that I also am quite fond of these things when mixed with chocolate:

I wish there was a point to all this, but alas, no. One devious co-worker has stocked his candy bowl with peanut butter cups and dark chocolate junior mints and at the moment it is taking every ounce of will power I can muster to keep from devouring them all.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Fiesta Bowl

By far the most entertaining thing to come out of this year's Fiesta Bowl - even more entertaining than seeing Oklahoma get waxed on national tv, was seeing the shot of the West Virginia bench with Johnny Dingle sitting next to Scooter Berry. The camera man who spotted that deserves a big bonus. That was some good clean comedy right there.

Other than that, the game wasn't too exciting in the second half. I don't like Oklahoma, and I've disliked them for so long that I don't even remember why I don't like them anymore, but you can only watch a team being manhandled for so long before it starts getting boring.

It was still many times more interesting than Hawaii getting crushed in the Sugar Bowl, but they had it coming. They had no business being in that game with as soft a schedule as they played. I hope that the Bowl bigwigs learn from that mistake and don't let teams play in big bowls without playing at least one good team all year.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Please End The Writers Strike

After having to watch half an episode of Deal or No Deal today, I am pleading with Hollywood to end the writers strike. I don't know how many more awful game shows or reality shows I can stomach. Enough is enough.

But at this point I would like to pitch an exciting new game show to whatever network executives are reading this. I will readily admit that this idea has been shamelessly stolen from a coworker who's job is being outsourced, but it is too brilliant not to share. I bring you Job or No Job.

It works just like Deal or No Deal except for the fact that this would be entertaining. You round up people who are in danger of losing their job, or are unemployed, let them choose a briefcase containing a job description, and then they would choose from the remaining briefcases which jobs to eliminate. Periodically, the human resources director would offer the contestant a job in exchange for the one in the briefcase he/she chose at the beginning. If you've ever been subjected to Deal or No Deal, I'm sure you get the idea by now.

Howie Mandel: There are still a lot of jobs remaining up on the board. CEO with an annual salary of $500k is still up there. So is testing experimental medication - $10 an hour.

Contestant: I'm confident that I've got one of the good jobs in my briefcase.

Howie: Well, let's see what HR has to say (picking up the phone) .... ok .... I don't think he's going to be happy with that ... I'll let him know. (hanging up the phone and turning to the contestant) The HR director says he will offer you the position of night janitor with an annual salary of $19k for your briefcase. So job, or no job?

Contestant: I'll have to discuss it with my wife. Honey, it's a pretty low ball offer, I think I can do better.

Wife: You've been saying you can do better for 6 months. Just take what you can get and get your lazy ass off the couch.

Contestant: Howie, this may cause some strife at home, but I think I can do better. No job.

So even with this short glimpse, I'm sure you can already see the possibilities. This show would no doubt be a huge hit. All you network execs can now begin lining up to hammer out a deal with my agent. We can get this on the air in no time.

Happy New Year

And now that I've gotten that out of the way, I shouldn't have to say it again for another year.

On to the business at hand. I was struck by another brilliant idea today. This idea is similar to the iron man triathlon in the sense that it combines uninteresting sports, but unlike the triathlon, this particular combination results in quality entertainment or so I imagine. I believe that competitive eating and long distance running should be united at last. Now you may be wondering, do you eat and then run, or do you run and then eat? Well, the way I see this working is that you start out by running, but there are eating stations along the route which you must complete before continuing with the run.

So you might start out by running a 5k, and then you would stop and have to down 10 hot dogs before continuing. Then after another 5k, you would have to stop for a competition to see how many chicken wings you could down in 5 minutes. In order to prevent people from taking it easy on the timed eating, only the top 25% could continue. And of course vomiting would result in a disqualification.

Now I haven't nailed down all of the rules just yet, but I think you get the basic idea of how this would go down. And perhaps finishing off the whole event with some jumping jacks might be fun, but then again maybe not. The prize for the winner, in addition to a free ambulance ride and whatever medical attention might be required, and of course the glory that would go along with winning, would be the coveted iron gut trophy. A cast iron trophy of a man or woman (there would of course be separate events) doubled over in pain clutching his/her gut.

If you are interested in competing in the inaugural event, reserve your spot now as they are filling up quickly.