Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Great Debaters

The Great Debaters, starring Denzel Washington and Forest Whitaker, is the story of the Wiley College debate team. Based on a true story, the small college in 1930's Texas must overcome discrimination in addition to larger schools to prove that words can make a difference. Typical of Denzel Washington movies, it is a little preachy and over dramatic, but not to the point of making it unwatchable. It is still an inspiring movie even if a little cliche'. It's kind of your typical underdog story, but rather than sports, it focuses on debate. It's a feel good movie though and worth checking out.


Since it is free on demand right now, I decided against my better judgement to watch Grindhouse, and it was every bit as bad as I had expected. An homage to bad, low budget 70's movies, it is a bad movie (two bad movies to be exact) made to look like a low budget movie. The only redeeming quality was the previews for movies that don't exist, my favorite being Werwolf Women of the SS. It's just a shame that the most entertaining premises were 2 minutes long while the dumb plots were an hour and a half. Caution, preview is not safe for work.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Talking Baby

That talking baby commercial from E-trade is the creepiest thing I've seen since the dancing baby. How is creeping people out going to get you any business? I hope you go bankrupt E-trade.

Most Overhyped Gadgets

Digital Trends has put out a list of the top 10 overhyped gadgets in the last unspecified period of time. What this list confirms to me is that Steve Jobs is all about hype. He's far more concerned with image than substance or functionality. I still remember him talking about how the Segway would change the world. Some of these I've never heard of - the Palm Foleo and the Optimus Maximus Keyboard - but for the most part I would agree with this list. For my money though, nothing ever has been as overhyped as the Segway in the history of hype, nor will anything ever equal that level of misplaced hype.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Quote of the Day!

From the same man who brought you, "Paddling the school canoe - you better believe that's a paddling" comes, "Woah, slow down there. Sidewalks are for regular walkin', not fancy walkin'." - Jasper (The Simpsons)

God bless the Simpsons for their ability to distract me from the drudgery of day to day life.


Mongol *Subtitle Alert* is the story of the early life of Temudgen, who I'm sure most of you already know ends up being known by history as Gengis Khan. The movie starts with him as a nine year old, heading off to another village with his father to choose the woman who is to be his bride. From that point on, he is repeatedly beset with tragedy and surrounded by enemies who want to kill him. As the movie goes along, his focus changes from merely surviving to attempting to bring law and order to the Mongol empire.

I really don't know how historically accurate it is, but it is an interesting, well made move. It is beautifully filmed, and stylishly it reminded me of Japanese films. It is more deliberately paced than Hollywood films, allowing the viewer to absorb and digest the story.

This is part 1 of a planned trilogy, focusing on his early years. It is more of a love story about him and his wife Borte than you would expect. I guess the intense action films are going to be the sequels. Mongol is emotional and psychological, giving you the back story and motivations behind one of the great military leaders in history.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


How lazy do you have to be to not even make your own snow balls? I can't believe a product like this exists.

Engrish Funny

If you liked the cow story, you're going to love this site. It's quickly becoming one of my favorites. This one is for all you asshats.

Engrish hat instructions
more the engrish!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Legal In San Francisco

If proposition K on the San Francisco ballot passes, prostitution would not be legalized, but police would be forbidden from arresting prostitutes, saving the city $11 million that it currently spends annually.

For as long as I can remember, I've wondered why prostitution is illegal - it's really a victimless crime. As a matter of fact, it seems to me that it would be safer if it were legal. If brothels were licensed, employees could be tested for drugs and disease regularly, making it safer for everyone. Revenue could be verified by the government and taxes could be collected. Women, many of whom I presume are less fortunate, would be able to verify their income and get loans for cars or homes. It really seems to me that making it illegal creates more problems than it solves.

Even St. Thomas Aquinas spoke out in opposition of legislating against prostitution, describing it as a necessary evil and drawing parallels with prohibition of alcohol. He saw legislating morality in general to be ineffective and said that civil law cannot "forbid all vicious acts" nor can it prescribe "all acts of virtue." Aquinas goes so far as to say that God permits evil to exist and in a similar way human law permits some evil to exist in light of the common good.

My problem with prop K, however, is that it would not go with a regulated brothel system. It will lead to more street walkers, which will more than likely spread disease, violence (from pimps), and drug abuse. I assume that this is merely a first step in legalizing it, but it may backfire in it's current format. I'll be interested to see the result of this proposition, and if it passes, what effect it will have on the city. And if successful, if we will see it spread across the country like the proliferation of casinos in recent years.

New Music

Brand new from Saliva, and I do mean brand new since this single is supposed to officially drop one week from today on the 28th and the new album isn't due out until 12/16, is the new song Family Reunion. I heard this on the radio last night and went online to find more about it and nothing was available until I checked again today. It's not their best song, but it's pretty good and anybody familiar with the band should know what to expect: some heavy guitar and "singing" that is almost more rapping during the verses, followed by melodic choruses with some catchy harmony. I'd say it's better than anything off their last album. Listen to it now before it gets pulled.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Best Man?

You know this "best man" won't ever be invited over to the house again.

And for the double steal, I'm also yoinking this content from the same site. This is too damn funny not to share though.

fail owned pwned pictures

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Ode To The Doughnut

If you ever wanted a brief history, present, and future of America's favorite breakfast food - the doughnut - then this is the article for you. Who would have ever guessed that the hole in the center originated with the middle being undercooked? Fascinating and hunger inducing all at once.

And for today's completely unrelated useless trivia: Alaska has the highest percentage of people that walk to work. I would have guessed it would be a warmer weather state.

I Need A Job

I've put off job hunting for too long, but refuse to put it off any longer. I've really had enough of my current job - I'm sure any of you Safeco employees, former Safeco employees, or friends of Safeco employees can empathize. And so it is that I swallow my pride and beg everyone out there to let me know of any good jobs out there. If you're company, or a company you know if is looking for a hard working super genius, please let me know. I live on the east side and would prefer to work closer to home. I don't really know what I want to do, but am hoping for a new challenge. I've been thinking about maybe software testing or financial planning. I'm a quick learner and I'm reliable (in 3+ years at Safeco, I've taken 2 sick days). Any leads would be appreciated, and hopefully there's a referral bonus in it for you too.

Evil Has Been Defeated!

Rejoice one and all, the hated Boston Red Sox are dead. Nothing makes me happier than the thought of all those obnoxious losers crying themselves to sleep. I somehow feel more proud to be an American knowing that Boston is no longer representing us in America's game. I'd like to think that this will curtail the number of idiots who have jumped on the bandwagon in recent years, but I know better. So congratulations are in order for the Rays. They have been the butt of jokes in MLB for many years and have really earned some respite from the ridicule. And since my Dodgers are out, I'm now on the Rays bandwagon. Carl Crawford is my go to guy from here on out. I know a lot of Mariner fans will be casting their support to the Phillies since they've got some former M's, particularly Jamie Moyer, but I'd like to remind those people that people from Pennsylvania are jerks. Philly is renown for it's uncouth and sometimes violent fans - sort of an east coast version of Oakland. And need I mention Pittsburgh to anyone who watched the Seahawks Superbowl? I know it's somewhat half hearted, but there's my Rays sales pitch. Go Rays!

Movie Reviews

I'm fortunate enough to have seen a couple good movies recently. It had been quite a drought there, but along came Bigger, Stronger, Faster*, a documentary about steroids. Curiously, this goes against the grain and takes up the pro-steroids argument. Even more surprising is the fact that at the conclusion I found myself questioning why steroids are illegal. I'm still not convinced that they shouldn't be banned in sporting events and competitions, but for the gym rats out there, why not? It hurts no one but themselves, and even at that, the side effects that all of us have heard about are exaggerated or out and out fabricated. And when you consider all the other performance enhancing drugs that are legal - beta blockers, sleeping pills, energy drinks, male enhancement pills, etc. - why should steroids be singled out? It's really more of an indictment of American ideals of 'win at any cost' than an endorsement of steroid use. But even if you disagree with the arguments presented in the film, it's still well done and worth the time to watch.

Next up was The Counterfeiters. It's a German film **subtitles alert** set in WWII. Based on a true story, the Nazis arrested a world class counterfeiter. Being a Jew, the sent him to a concentration camp. While there, he is moved into a secret barracks within the camp and put to work attempting to counterfeit the British pound and the US dollar. The Nazis plan is two fold - use the counterfeit money to finance the war, and cripple both the US and British economies by flooding the market with worthless currency. It's really a devious plan, and a very well made movie. Very good acting and some heart wrenching drama.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Peace in the Middle East

For centuries, millenia even, the world has longed for peace in the middle east. At last there's a new idea, a new hope. The embodiment of this hope is Taybeh beer. Brewed on the Palestinian west bank, Taybeh is Arabic for "delicious". And it is this delicious microbrew that is bringing both sides together for Oktoberfest every year. One might think that drunken Israelis and Palestinians might be a recipe for disaster, or at least one hell of a bar room brawl, but so far it is uniting them with a common interest. This is almost crazy enough to work.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Bill Nighy

I think I hate Bill Nighy. After seeing him in a couple Underworld movies and a couple Pirates of the Caribbean movies, maybe even something else, I've decided that he's a hammy overactor. The more I see of him, the more he grates on my nerves. Listening to him talk is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Please, for the love of God, all of you movie executives who visit my site, do not cast him in any more films. At the very least, limit him to chick flicks or some other genre I'm not likely to watch.

Bubba Nosferatu

After watching Bubba Ho-Tep again over the weekend, I found out that a prequel is in the works - Bubba Nosferatu. In this film, rather than a mummy, Elvis encounters a coven of she vampires that he must battle and possibly teach about love. Right now there doesn't seem to be a lot of news, other than the disappointing announcement that Bruce Campbell doesn't want to be involved. I don't know if that's going to kill the movie off all together or not, but it's not a good sign. Usually that's indicative that the script is pretty bad. At this point I guess it's still just wait and see. But here's hoping that it gets made and turns out to be as good as the original.

And from Bubba Ho-Tep come the quote of the day:

"There had been two presidential elections since I'd had a boner like that." - Elvis

Gainfully Employed

Shaun Alexander once again has a job. After a great start, followed by a humiliating loss to the lowly Rams, the Washington Redskins have decided that one loss is enough to spur a flurry of moves, for the most part bringing on former Seahawks. In addition to Alexander, they also picked up Ryan Plackemeier and a safety who was with the team for about 25 minutes - Mike Green. The way things are going right now, I'm not sure Seahawks castoffs are the best way to improve your team. Anyway, I always liked Alexander and hope he does well in his new home.

The Seahawks also tried to improve themselves by picking up former Seahawks. I'm glad to say that Justin Forsett is now back. I think he's got a promising future ahead of him. He looked great in the preseason and I hope he gets a shot to return some kicks. It's just too bad that he had to come back at the expense of Michael Bumpus.

Finally, nothing makes me happier than seeing the evil Red Sox lose. The Rays beat the hell out of them tonight to take a 3-1 lead in the series. The end is nigh for the evil empire. Go Rays! I can only hope (in vain) that my beloved Dodgers can overcome their 3-1 deficit in their series. I don't think it's going to happen though after seeing them piss away a win last night. That was embarrassing.

Monday, October 13, 2008


A friend confided in me today that she is going to have tofurky for Thanksgiving dinner. I personally have never tried it, but have been told by a few people that it tastes like ass. And not good ass either. Admittedly, the sample size is pretty small, so it could simply be that the people I've talked to are not representative of the population at large. And if you don't have tofurky for your Thanksgiving dinner, what meatless alternatives remain? I'm not a part of the meatless world and have no interest in becoming part of it, so it's up to my faithful 2 readers to provide some insight here. Actually, I've always been a little confused as to why you would want something that tastes like meat if you don't eat meat, but I'm only willing to take on one obstacle at a time here. That's all my feeble mind can comprehend.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Heavy Metal Superworms

I found this fascinating article on National Geographic and had to share. Apparently some worms in merry olde England have adapted to be able to eat heavy metals. They thrive in toxic soil in polluted industrial sites. It seems that they consume the heavy metals and secrete a slightly less toxic version of the metals which plants are then able to extract from the soil.

The article did not mention, or perhaps it did and I forgot already, how long it takes worms to clean up a toxic waste site, but it's certainly got to be cheaper than sending a team of guys in haz-mat suits out to take care of business. I don't know if they have adapted to radiation or not yet, but I think we need to get a bunch of them out to Hanford and set them loose. Of course this may not be the best idea I've ever had. If science fiction has ever taught me anything, it's that radiation will turn them into even more super mutant worms which will eventually destroy humanity. Regardless, it's a pretty interesting read.

Stock Tips

With the NYSE taking a roller coaster ride to zero, possibly lower, I thought it was time to offer my stock tips. In times like these, the stocks you can count on are the old favorites: Colt, Smith & Wesson, Winchester, you see where this is going. With no place remaining to invest money, the general population will return to hiding cash under their mattresses, in the attic, hidden compartments in their car, and possibly the oldest method - keistering whatever valuables they've amassed (and will fit).

Once society reaches this state, the strong will take from the weak. With no money remaining to pay a police force, firearms will be the only real currency. At this juncture, the only remaining profitable companies will be the firearms manufacturers, and the ammunition manufacturers too obviously. So grab whatever cash you've got left in your IRA, stockpile enough ammo to make David Koresh proud, build an isolated cabin in the woods, and with whatever remains purchase as many remaining shares of Glock and Walther as you can get your hands on. From there you can comfortably watch the world destroy itself knowing your stash is safe.

The good news is that the NYSE is not open Monday and therefore will not drop any until Tuesday. That gives you one extra day to get your affairs in order.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Green Vehicles

Bob Langevin of Great Falls, MT proudly shows off the latest fuel efficient vehicle. High gas prices and a faltering economy has continued to push demand for more economical vehicles, and Detroit has responded with this entirely human powered offering. Not content to produce hybrids or electric vehicles, the ante has been upped in the battle to reduce our dependence on foreign oil. Bob is now the envy of all his neighbors, cruising through town picking up women who love granola and don't shave. I salute you Bob.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Be Thankful

That this isn't your job. As much as my job sucks, at least I haven't been in this position. Never in my life have I hoped so much that a picture has been photoshopped as this one. I'm sure there's a good reason that this needs to be done, but, actually I'm not that sure.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008


They say that humor = tragedy + time. That's not always true. I still haven't heard a good joke about the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria by the Black Hand. And so I don't know if it's too soon, or just the wrong subject matter that more people are offended than are laughing at the new musical comedy based on a 2006 mine collapse titled Beaconsfield: A Musical in A-Flat Minor. I believe that this is one of those situations where somebody came up with the title after a few drinks and built a show around it. Even given an appropriate amount of time, I have a hard time believing this is a winning idea, if for no other reason than it's a musical.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Over the weekend I watched The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - the true-ish story of Jean-Dominique Bauby, the editor of Elle magazine who had a massive stroke that left him paralyzed except for his left eye. The film is an adaptation of his memoirs which he dictated after the stroke. Unable to speak, he communicates by having someone recite the alphabet to him, blinking when they've reached the letter he wants. It is incredibly slow and tedious, but the only means of communication.

I've read a little more about him on the internet and found that the film adaptation is rife with inaccuracies. For some, that may destroy the film, particularly since some of the changes don't really aid the dramatic interpretation (for example, he has 3 children in the film, but had 2 in real life), but I think the essence of the story remained intact. It's an incredible struggle of a man who has lost virtually everything. I don't know how I could go on in those circumstances, but Bauby is able to adapt by relying on his imagination. He can simply close his eyes and let his mind take him anywhere in the world.

There were some great performances all around, but due to the subject matter, you have to be in the right mood to sit through it. I found it to be pretty depressing although I don't think the director intended it that way. A large portion of the movie is also shown from Bauby's perspective which ends up being a little unpleasant. The camera is shaky and goes in and out of focus. Also it should be noted that the film is in French so be prepared to read some subtitles. If you can tolerate these things, then you are in for a good story.

It has a similar plot to Dalton Trumbo's Johnny Got His Gun. You may have seen a clip of it in the Metallica video for their song One. I've never seen or been able to find a copy of this movie anywhere, but have been interested in seeing it for a long time. Since I can't find the original, I'm going to have to settle for the remake that is due out soon I guess.

Question of the Day

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

You hear a lot about what is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but when they invented sliced bread, what did they compare it to? Was it the greatest thing since the wheel? The greatest thing since gunpowder? The greatest thing since cooked meat? Someone must know.

Useless Trivia

In royal households and monasteries in medieval Europe, what was the official role of the mustardarius?

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Weather Woes

I'm normally disappointed when the summer ends and the weather turns cold and rainy, but after the miserable summer we had this year, I've found the fall to be particularly difficult to stomach. I just now realized how bad it was when I turned on the tv to find the local weather forecast in progress. I saw the extended forecast which called for cold weather and rain for the next five days, and the first thing I heard out of the weatherman's mouth was, "you will see some frost in some areas." This prompted a somewhat irrational response from me. I immediately pointed at the tv and said, "f#$% you!" Yes I realize this is irrational because a) the weatherman obviously can't hear me, and b) it's obviously not his fault that the weather has turned crappy. I say it's only somewhat irrational because, well, I got distracted for a minute there and can't remember my reasoning why anymore. Trust me, it was logical and irrefutable though. And I can hardly be blamed for that reaction to the unpleasant weather. I need a vacation somewhere warm....

Saturday, October 04, 2008

How To Destroy The Earth

Thanks go to Pat (who apparently has too much time on his hands) for sending me this extremely long, comprehensive, and geeky article on how to destroy the earth. It's pretty entertaining, and as you might imagine, destroying our planet is exceptionally difficult. I hope I'm not spoiling the ending for you when I tell you that it's not possible with today's technology. That doesn't mean that we don't have a cataclysm to look forward to in the future though.

My personal favorite method is annihilation by antimatter. I think it would make for one hell of a show. Lights, things flying about, basically the greatest 4th of July celebration ever. The one drawback is that it is one of the more implausible methods due to the lack of available antimatter, not to mention the non-existence of any machine capable of hurling it at the earth.

For those of you who think all the described methods are implausible, you're right. However, the one shred of proof available is this report from the BBC (and you thought it would be from a questionable source) that some seismic disturbances are thought to have been caused by the earth being struck by a quark. The likelihood of a large enough amount of quarks striking the earth to destroy it remains low though.

Invented Sports

Made up sports pushing their way into traditional sports media is really starting to piss me off. Every time I see poker on Fox Sports or ESPN I want to punch somebody. Since when is that a sport? Well, my blood is boiling yet again as my latest issue of ESPN the magazine has a huge (50 page) section dedicated to their own made up 'sports' - the X-games. Every year around this time, the same thing happens, and every year I'm tempted to cancel my subscription. Maybe one of these years I actually will. I'm beginning to fear that the sports networks are going the way of MTV. They will continually invent stupid non-sports to cover until eventually there isn't anything resembling actual sports left on the network.

How many stupid events can they cover before people eventually revolt? I've already seen the world championships of rock, paper, scissors. What's next, the world series of mime? No holds barred hokey pokey? World class staring competitions? At some point this has to stop. I've resisted the urge to send an angry email to ESPN since I know it won't do any good, but there's got to be some solution. In my opinion, the war on drugs was ineffective since it targeted the supply rather than the demand, so perhaps it's time to beat the hell out of the knuckle draggers who watch bicycle jumping and the dimwits who watch professional wrestling. My only request is that when you hospitalize a skateboarder, leave my name out of it.

High Fructose Corn Syrup

High fructose corn syrup has come under fire recently for it's health concerns. Reputed to be linked with the obesity epidemic in this country as well as contributing to cardiovascular disease, it has drawn critics from some unlikely sources. Bob Rivers from KZOK has been decrying it for at least a year now, and more recently the pillar of health Shelvis has declared his opposition. Well, according to a new study, these two along with the nation's other health experts are wrong. The study found that HFCS poses no more health hazards than refined sugar. Some might argue that a study financed by the likes of Pepsi Cola and the Corn Refiners Association might not be objective, and those people would be correct. This is just another laughable attempt to legitimize their businesses and I'll be surprised if this doesn't backfire on them. Still, it's pretty amusing that companies still try these schemes.

I guess the tricky part of the study is their claim that HFCS is no worse for you than refined sugar. Since I personally think that refined sugar is pretty bad for you too, it may not be that far off. Sugar in general should be avoided as much as possible, and the degree of refinement is proportional with it's health detriments.

The number of people in this country who are concerned with their health is probably a fairly small percentage anyway, so it's possible that the only people who care have already been avoiding HFCS and this 'study' will have no impact at all. I'd like to see a study of what percentage of the population reads product labels or cares what's in their food. I will admit to being less diligent than I probably should be. Long story short, avoid HFCS and the white demon (sugar) as much as possible.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Desperate Times

Call for desperate measures. And with jobs becoming more scarce, learning that panhandlers bring in $30-$40 an hour according to a recent study, I have been spending some time gently stroking my chin, head cocked to the side while looking skyward. That's right, I've been contemplating the value of my job. Sure the benefits are better at my current place, and I don't have to deal with the elements. On the other hand, I would have the opportunity to meet lots of new people as a panhandler. And this particular study took place in Spokane, not even a thriving metropolis. Imagine how much more I could take home here in Seattle. And I wouldn't be your average panhandler, I would gladly do the Icky Shuffle for the right amount of cash. Best of all, this career change wouldn't involve rewriting my resume or interviewing!

The same paper that brought us the panhandling tutorial also has the strangest assault in recent memory. A 19 year old Wenatchee High School student was arrested after smearing peanut butter on the forehead of a fellow student who is allergic to nuts. Yes I realize how potentially dangerous that is so don't think I'm making fun of people with allergies. And rest assured that the perpetrator is facing a year in prison and a $5000 fine.

The Complete Essay On Cow

The following essay was emailed to everyone in my office by our partners in India yesterday. Apparently everyone in India thought it was a riot. Here in Seattle it sparked a lot of head scratching, confused looks, and hours of lost productivity as people read and re-read it and then discussed with coworkers why exactly it was funny.


He is the cow. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4
footed, and because he is female, he gives milks. He is same like God , sacred
to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward
and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the
milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement.

What can it do?
Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. And
he is also useful to cobbler, waterman's and mankind generally. His motion is
slow only because he is of lazy species, and also his gober is much useful to
farmers, plants and trees and is used to make flat cakes, in hand and drying

Cow is the only animal that extricates after eating. Then
afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth.
He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending
organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing
his head whereby he causes the weapon to be paralleled to the ground of the
earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forewards. He has got tails
also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on
the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which
alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of
his feet are soft onto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night
time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose
are like his other relatives. This is the cow...........

From here, the discussion turned outward (at least from me). I forwarded this to a few other people, hoping to find an answer to the underlying humor that escaped me, and also hoping to halt work in other offices as well. It wasn't until someone finally emailed India to ask them why it was funny that it was revealed that they were having a good laugh at their own difficulties with Engrish. The only person to successfully reach this conclusion unaided was the Mistress of Shenanigans. Kudos.

Job Opportunity

Do you want to make $28.50 an hour to do landscaping? Willing to wear a blue, long-sleeved shirt, yellow safety vest, eye protection and ventilator mask? So did several other people who answered the ad in Craigslist and met outside the Bank of America in Monroe. It turns out that it was all a clever ruse when someone else showed up in the same outfit and robbed an armored truck.

My favorite quote from the article? "We believe the ad was not a credible ad and that it may have been an attempt to get people dressed like the suspect into the area," Monroe police spokeswoman Debbie Willis said. You think? With top notch investigators like this on the case, it's no wonder that even though the suspect is still at large, Debbie still said, "Was it really necessary? Did it help the guy out? I don't think so."

As much as I hate crime and criminals, I can still appreciate a clever crime. Rest assured, if I ever get involved in a heist, it will be hands down the most brilliant scheme ever hatched in the history of crime. The movie about it will star Owen Wilson, the most brilliant actor to ever, uh, star in this movie. The love interest will be played by Eva Mendez. The movie title will be The Craw Fu Connection and will feature an unprecedented amount of pyrotechnics and punches thrown. I can't wait for this movie to be made.