Monday, April 30, 2007

Useless Trivia

What is IRS form 211?

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Whole Foods Rant

I found this Whole Foods rant at Ken Levine's blog. It is absolutely hilarious. It is highly recommended and comes with the coveted Crawfu seal of approval.

This Just In.....

I hate Jeff Weaver. Horrible is not a strong enough word to describe him. He ruined my perfect record this year. I'm now 5-1 in games I've attended. Great start by Cha Sung Baek today though. If he doesn't take Weaver's spot in the rotation when Felix comes off the DL, then somebody will pay.

Call Me Mr. Impossible

According to the Madden 08 nickname generator, that would be my nickname were I to make it into the NFL. It's unfortunate that my chances of making it into the NFL are also impossible.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Darrell Jackson to the 49ers.....

for a 4th round pick? That's insane. I can't believe they would give him up for less than a 2nd rounder, particularly after coughing up a 1st for Branch who hasn't put up the same stats. Despite all his injuries, Jackson has statistically still been our top receiver, and I can't believe we would essentially give him away, particularly to a division rival. If this goes through, somebody is going to need a good healthy beating.

And now my last minute picks:

The Raiders will take Russell, against all logic.

The Lions will draft Calvin Johnson even though they don't need him.

The Browns will pick Gaines Adams despite their history with drafting defensive linemen.

The Buccaneers are going to take Joe Thomas unless they are able to trade down.

The Cardinals will take Amobi Okoye and he will terrorize the Seahawks twice a year.

The Brady Quinn freefall will end with Miami at the #9 pick.

The Seahawks are going to hope that Josh Beekman is still on the board, but I'm going to stick with my initial prediction of Brandon Mebane.

*** Update ***
- With Miami passing on Brady Quinn, the freefall could last until the second round. There are a lot of teams coming up that don't need a QB. Unless someone trades up, I'm going to say that he goes to Detroit in the 2nd. Chicago is a possibility, but I don't think they'll take him.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Preliminary Draft Predictions

I'm still struggling to decide if the Raiders are stupid enough to draft JaMarcus Russell or if they'll take Calvin Johnson. Currently I'm leaning toward stupid.

But the latest news is that Adrian Peterson has reinjured his collarbone and may not be able to play for another 3 months. I think that this will drop him just enough that somehow Denver will be able to trade up and get him.

I think the Lions will take Calvin Johnson #2. They won't be able to resist another top WR.

The draft seems to be pretty deep in defensive linemen and safeties and I think the Seahawks will grab one of each. I'm kind of intrigued by Walter Thomas, but since character concerns are an issue, it's unlikely he'll wear a Seahawk uniform. Right now I'm going to predict that they take Brandon Mebane with their 2nd round pick.

The final prediction for the day is that the Bills will draft Marshawn Lynch. There will be much complaining from the Shelvis household about what a dumb move this was, but by the end of the season, Shelvis will have a man crush on him.

These predictions are subject to change without notice.

***Update*** Shelvis will need a change of pants after the Bills announce the selection of Marshawn Lynch.

Seahawks Sign Brandon Green

The Rams defensive end position seems to be a minor league unit for the Seahawks, as they signed another one away. I can only hope the Rams draft a couple really good DE's for the Seahawks to sign 3 or 4 years down the road.

No Sallah in Indy 4?

That's just not right. They are bringing back all the women from the first 3 movies, but according to this, John Rhys-Davies won't be making an appearance. Very disappointing since I liked Sallah. Supposedly it is because they want a younger cast, but I find that hard to believe. It's got to be a money issue.

Today's Useless Fact

The average giraffe spends about 20 minutes a day sleeping, normally standing up, and usually for about 5 minutes at a time.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

John The Fisherman

I've never been a fan of Primus, and as a matter of fact, all of the songs of theirs that I had heard previously were quite annoying. That was until playing Guitar Hero 2 yesterday. I had never heard John The Fisherman before, and while it isn't a great song, I can't seem to get it out of my head. It is a real talent to be able to write a song that sticks in people's heads. Is there a point to all this you ask? Well, sort of. If it's stuck in my head, then it must be stuck in your head too. So here you go:

Or if you prefer:

That's really hard by the way.

Roast Your Own

Well, I've been thinking about getting a new coffee roaster again. I currently have a Fresh Roast Plus that I was happy with until I broke the roasting chamber. Well, it's been too long and I once again have the urge to drink some fresh roasted coffee.

The question now is do I get another Fresh Roast Plus or step up to something bigger. The Fresh Roast Plus is relatively cheap, roasts the coffee quickly, and is easy to use. The main drawback is the quantity of beans you can roast with it. Now if I were to get something like this instead, I could roast a lot more beans at a time, but it also costs 5 times as much.

As much as I love coffee, I don't know if I can justify the expense. Also, the larger capacity models produce more smoke, and the smaller one produces a lot of smoke already. I have to roast outdoors because it will set off the smoke alarm every time. Even directly under the range hood with the fan on high.
There are some intermediate models too like the i-Roast, but again, I'm not sure the added features are worth the added expense. I think I'm probably going to get another Fresh Roast because it was an easy to use, reliable (except that it had pieces that break when you drop them), and cheap.
When I finally do get around to ordering something, you're all invited over for a delicious cup of coffee, except for you non-coffee drinkers. I'm still not sure why I'm friends with any of your kind.

Thursday, April 19, 2007


Today I was reminded of my fascination with the autogyro. These aircraft are small and lightweight, can maintain flight at very low speeds, require very limited room for takeoff and landing, and are very safe in comparison with other aircraft. If you get a small enough one, a pilot's license isn't even required to fly one, although from what I have read, for safety's sake, it's better to get a bigger one and a license.

Anyway, for a while I had dreamed of getting one to commute in and avoiding the horrendous Seattle area traffic, although I admittedly don't know anything about airspace restrictions, or where you could legally take off and land. In addition to the idea of commuting, being able to cross the sound without having to be subject to the ferry system or the Tacoma Narrows bridge is very appealing, and just the idea of flying in itself is fairly exhilarating. I would love to be able to cruise around at relatively low speed and altitude and just sight see.

Based on their relative safety and ease of flight, and also limited expense, I've always thought that one day I might realistically own one. There is currently only 1 available on craigslist, going for $8,900. So who knows if flight is in my future, but I hope so.

The Hobbit

According to this story, Sam Raimi (Spiderman, Evil Dead) may be directing The Hobbit. Since I haven't seen anything remotely similar that Raimi has directed, I don't know how well this will work out. What I do know is that Bruce Cambell will most likely make at least a cameo appearance. My money is on him being a troll. I keep hoping that Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema will patch up their differences, but that looks increasingly unlikely. Anyway, as long as it turns out better than this, I'll be happy. (Yes this is just an excuse to bring back an old favorite)

Monday, April 16, 2007

Holy Crap

What events have to transpire in your life to lead you to living in a house with 200-300 cats, several dead, and 2-3 inches of animal feces coating the floor? I just can't even begin to fathom what would lead someone to such living conditions. I'd like to think, for my own sake, that some sort of mental illness is involved. Otherwise I don't think I'll be able to sleep at night.

Sunday, April 15, 2007


After the 14-6 ass whomping the M's put on Texas today, they are now 3-0 in games I have attended. Either I need to go to more games, or I need to stop going before that all changes. Either way, I guarantee a Mariner win on Wednesday as Felix takes the mound against Carlos Silva.

Anyway, with the NFL draft just around the corner, it's about time for me to start studying up. I need to defend my prognostication skills, although if I can successfully predict who the Seahawks will take with their first pick, late in the second round, I will officially declare myself a psychic and buy some cheap airtime late at night promoting my new 900 number. Right now my big problem is trying to convince myself that the Raiders actually are dumb enough to draft a QB with the top pick, despite how horrible their offensive line is. And this is my major downfall in past predictions. I spend too much time thinking about who teams should draft, instead of thinking about who they probably will draft. One thing is certain though, the Lions will draft Calvin Johnson if he is still on the board. They may not have had a lot of luck drafting receivers in the first round, but that won't stop them from doing it again. So hopefully before the end of the week you'll get my picks. I may need a little prodding to make that deadline though, I've been exceptionally lazy lately.

As of now, the mock draft has the Seahawks taking Tank Tyler, DT, N.C. State. I can guarantee you that won't happen. A relatively underachieving headcase is not someone Tim Ruskell is likely to go after. Right now I'm leaning toward them going with an offensive lineman, but I'll have to do some homework and see who's likely to still be available when the Hawks pick. NFL Draft Countdown has them taking Ben Patrick, TE, Delaware. That's an interesting possibility, but I don't really see TE as being a top priority. I have to think the priority would be OG, DT, CB, TE, FB in that order. And don't be surprised if Holmgren talks them into grabbing another QB at some point. But I'll save the rest for later.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Name That Quote!

You guessed it, it's time for another exciting edition of name that quote. The last round brought so much disinterest that the only logical conclusion is that I haven't done it enough for it to catch on yet. The winner of this round will receive, well, nothing since like most everything in my life, this isn't well planned out. But without further ado, here we go!

"I used to trust the media to tell me the truth, tell us the truth. But now I see the payoffs everywhere I look. Who do you trust when everyone's a crook?"

Friday, April 13, 2007

Profitable Uranium Stocks Newsletter

This week I received in the mail the latest issue of the 'Profitable Uranium Stocks Newsletter'. I don't know who sends this out, much less who takes their stock tips from junk mail, but the whole situation is so absurd that I find it absolutely hilarious. I did look through it to find who financed it, but apparently they aren't required to include that information. I do enjoy the disclaimer though which states that, "this package is for entertainment purposes only, don't rely on any information in it."

Anyone interested in the financial advice offered in this fine mailing are free to dig through my trash for it.


I just heard this rumor that is now circulating: apparently as a promotion for the upcoming Simpsons movie, some 7-11's will be converting to Kwik-E-Marts. If this is true, it's an absolutely brilliant marketing move. I'm sure this will only be done in cities named Springfield though.

Expired Meat

My parents, God love 'em, brought me over a small package of ham the last time they came over to visit. Well, it's been sitting in my freezer for a month now, until today when I decided some ham sounded pretty tasty. Luckily for me I looked at the package before digging in, because that's where I saw the words 'best if used by June 17, 2004'. No, that is not a typo, that is in fact 3 year old ham. I am ashamed to admit that for one brief moment, the thought did cross my mind 'well, it has been in the freezer, maybe it's ok'. I decided against playing Russian roulette with my gastro intestinal system though. If you ever hear me say 'mmmmm, expired meat', please intervene.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Grindhouse Review

You owe it to yourself to head on over to Grande Pescadoes and read the Grindhouse review. This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. I haven't seen the movie myself, only the previews, but let me say that this review paints a pretty good picture and makes it out to be every bit as bad as I imagine. Admittedly, I'm no fan of Tarantino, but the woman with a prosthetic machine gun leg is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. And I've seen some Jim Carey movies, so that's saying something. Anyway, don't waste any more time here. Check that review out NOW.

Another Great Start For Felix

There aren't many things to get excited about when it comes to the 2007 Seattle Mariners, but Felix Hernandez is definately the biggest thing to get excited about. Unfortunately today's game was a 4:00 start so I missed the first 6 innings, but managed to catch the end of the game and have to say that Felix Hernandez is the real deal. He pitched a complete game shutout against the Red Sox in a game the whole world was watching. Because of the Daisuke Matsuzaka/Ichiro Suzuki showdown, it was a nationwide broadcast, and I believe Japan took a national holiday to watch the game. In front of a sell out crowd at Fenway - home of the most obnoxious jerks in the world no less. And with all that pressure, Felix almost threw a no-hitter. The only hit of the game was a ground ball back up the middle in the 8th inning that just got past a diving Jose Lopez. I can't begin to express how excited I am about this kid, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's going to win the Cy Young award this year. He will be pitching in Seattle again on Tuesday the 17th, so get your tickets now.

*note - the comment about Red Sox fans being the most obnoxious fans in the world is not a matter of opinion. I have been working for the Seattle Mariners since 2001 and have seen fans from everywhere and can say that my extensive research has proven without a doubt that the Red Sox fans are the worst. I hate them to such a great extent that I have begun to root for the Yankees purely out of spite. And if anybody reading this is a Red Sox fan, let me just say - you know what I'm talking about. Don't pretend it isn't true.

Back By Popular Demand

It is with much rejoicing that the great beardless Scott experiment of 2007 is officially over. This is due primarily to the fact that I was never able to get used to seeing myself without my beloved goatee. I didn't look like me anymore. But now everything is back the way it should be. The world makes sense again. And perhaps in another 4 or 5 years when enough time has passed to sufficiently forget about this experience, I may shave it off again.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Useless trivia!

It's been a while, but it's time for some more useless trivia.

The dollar sign is a combination of the letters P and S, PS being the abbreviation for pesos, the principal coin in circulation in the United States until 1794 when we began marketing our own dollars.

Quick Poll

Since I seem to have run out of interesting things to say, it's time for a quick show of hands. Today's question:

Best Queensryche song

a) Jet City Woman
b) Eyes of a Stranger
c) other

- note - only answers a or b can be considered correct unless you've got a really good argument. For the record, most on the time my answer will be a, but some days I go with b.

Weird Dream

I usually don't remember any of my dreams, and in this case I only remember a very small portion of it, but that portion doesn't make any sense at all. All I remember is somebody questioning a woman, I think it may have been a lawyer in court, but maybe not. I seem to remember it was kind of like an interrogation. Anyway, this mysterious man asked the woman,"so when exactly did your husbands situation change from a quagmire to a morass?" And that's all I remember. I woke up and immediately was confused as to what that could possibly be about. Of course I was confused for about 2 minutes before I was back asleep again, but somehow it stuck with me until the morning. I guess the point is that maybe it's better if I don't remember any of my dreams since what I do remember is typically nonsense. I'm glad to know my subconscious is hard at work during the night though.

Monday, April 09, 2007


I was thinking of adding a tagboard or maybe a guest book to my little site here, but before I did, I wanted to know if anyone would use it or if it would just be a nuisance. Since this is a democracy, majority rules.

Also, be sure to check out all the useless crap I added on the right.

Turn Up The Radio

You know, I heard this song not once, but twice today. And now it's stuck in my head. Ladies and gentlemen, this song has all the cheese you'd expect from a mid-80's hair band, and then some. And I'd actually never seen the video until a few short minutes ago and must say that it manages to pack in an even more impressive amount of cheese. Still, it's the kind of cheese that makes me laugh, and not the kind of cheese that makes me want to turn away in disgust. And if that sales pitch didn't rope you in, I'll further entice you by mentioning that you will only get to hear quality lyrics like "daytime, night time, any time, things go better with rock, I'm going 24 hours a day, I can't seem to stop" here. Anyway, here it is:

Thursday, April 05, 2007

$14 Million for Paula Reynolds

I'm sure that all my friends who are being laid off because their department is being outsourced will be happy to know that their sacrifice has saved the company so much money that CEO Paula Reynolds could take a salary of $14 Million. Honestly, I can't begin to tell you how much this pisses me off. Nickel and diming hard working employees so that the CEO can pocket an exhorbitant paycheck. It really makes me sick. I don't know why we can't outsource our CEO. I'm sure there's somebody in India who will do her job for a lot less. And to put things in perspective, Mike McGavick, former CEO of Safeco got ripped in his senate campaign for cutting jobs while taking a large salary, and he was at $8 Million his last year on the job. But at least he saved the company from bankruptcy. PIF counts (policies in force) are still down from when Paula took over. The only reason earnings per share are up is because she's been laying people off and selling off company owned real estate and moving into rented office space. I have to believe that both moves are going to backfire in the long run. But then again, maybe that's why I'm not making an 8 figure salary......

More Bike Trails

Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels is pushing a $240 million plan to add more bike trails and bike lanes in the city. Realistically, I don't know how many cars this will get off the roads, but it should help a little. Plus, if it will get those stupid bikers off the roads and onto a trail, that should clear up some congestion and make the roads a little safer. I honestly don't know how bikers can stand to be on roads without at least a bike lane. I think they are taking their lives in their hands with the way people drive around here. But I digress. I do hope that in 30 years or so when they finally get around to replacing the 520 bridge, that they will throw in a bike lane too.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

"I snorted my father"

I never thought I'd hear anything stranger than Ozzy snorting a line of ants, but apparently Keith Richards snorted his father's ashes. That may well be the creepiest thing I've ever heard. And I'm not sure what kind of high he got from that, but I'm sure that when he kicks off, Keith's ashes will have a street value higher than anything since Jerry Garcia's.

Monday, April 02, 2007

On the Radio

I heard this on the radio on Friday and found it interesting. Apparently Al Gore has an environmentally unfriendly house. What I found interesting was how many people called in to defend the house.

Good Bye Goatee

A couple months ago, a couple mysterious bald spots appeared on my chin, each about the size of a nickel. I'm not sure why, and I kept expecting the hair to come back there any day, but it never did. Well, this weekend, I finally got tired of it looking like hell, so I shaved off my goatee. I don't remember how many years it's been since my chin has seen the light of day, but I'm sure it's got to be at least 5. In that time I'd forgotten a few things. I'd forgotten how much harder it is to shave your upper lip than the rest of your face. I'd forgotten that without any facial hair I look like I'm about 16. I'd also forgotten that in addition to looking very young, I also look like a doofus. I'd also failed to take into consideration that my razor needed replacing, and that the skin on my chin and upper lip was a lot more tender since it hadn't been shaved in so long. The result was several small knicks, making me look even more like a doofus. Anyway, the dilemma now at hand is do I remain a hairless doofus, or do I grow back the patchy, lame looking goatee? And I don't think I can pull off the soul patch, fu manchu, or solo moustache. Maybe some mutton chops.........
That's about as good a picture of myself as I can take with one hand. My God I look weird with no facial hair.

Opening Day Wrap Up

First off, let me just say damn it was cold at that game. Where is all this global warming Al Gore keeps promising me. I could have used some today. And here we go with the random thoughts:

I can tell it's been a while since I worked because my feet were really getting sore toward the end of the game.

Felix Hernandez looked great. If he can pitch like this all year, then he will win the Cy Young and the M's will win at least 25 games. 8 innings, 3 hits, 0 runs, 12 K's tonight.

The M's defense in the infield is as good as any in the game.

The M's are still going to have a lot of problems scoring runs. There just aren't enough guys who can hit. And I don't know how many more 25 foot singles Ichiro can beat out like he did today.

There are too many guys named Jose on the team. We need to trade or cut at least one.

I love opening day. Even when it's this cold, it is just a great time. And the sun even made a short appearance.

Tara has got to be the cutest ball girl in the league.

I really don't want to have to go back to my regular job tomorrow.

I got a free hotdog today, and I don't want to look a gift horse (or dog) in the mouth, but the stadium dogs just aren't very good. As a matter of fact, most of the food isn't very good. I sure had a craving for some garlic fries going though.

I also realized that for some reason, putting 2 pictures next to each other really screws up my formatting.

Opening Day

Opening day of baseball season is upon us, and even though I took a day off from my regular job to go work for the Mariners, I have very low expectations for the season. After Bill Bavasi spent the entire offseason trading as many prospects as he could for old, washed up players (the Jose Vidro trade being the biggest head scratcher), I really think that the team is worse than last year. I hope I'm wrong, but I think we're headed for another 90 loss season.

Anyway, I love going to opening day despite the low expectations and think it will be a great day to be at the park. Head on over to the USS Mariner for all the best M's analysis.

Quick Movie Reviews

I've got a couple quick movie reviews to throw out here. The first is for Borat. I finally got around to watching it, and I have to say that despite some funny moments, I found it disappointing. The longer I watched, the more I felt like he was just being a jerk to people who were trying to be nice to him. Most of the people in the movie were generally good natured people who were trying to be friendly and helpful to what they thought was a foreigner on vacation, and while Sacha Cohen could have had fun and made some jokes without being rude, I felt like he was just trying to piss people off. And the scene which just pushed me too far was the disgusting nude fight scene he had with his obese friend. There isn't enough money in the world that would convince me to let a fat naked man sit on my face.

On the other end of the scale was The Prestige. This was a movie I absolutely loved. I am now officially a huge Christopher Nolan fan. In addition to The Prestige, he also directed Insomnia, Memento, and Batman Begins, all of which I loved. He brings a certain dirty, gritty reality to his movies, and this is no different. I think he achieves this by using a lot of muted colors and natural lighting, as well as using hand held cameras which always seem to be moving. I kind of liken it to the way Star Wars broke the sci-fi mold by having things look dirty and used.

Anyway, since this is supposed to be a review of The Prestige, and not Christopher Nolan, I'll try to get back on track here. In addition to the wonderful cinematography, the acting was top notch. I thought the whole cast did a first rate job. I'm a fan of Hugh Jackman and Michael Caine, and adding the stunning Scarlett Johansson as some eye candy was a nice touch. I loved the story of two rival magicians trying to one up/sabotage one another very interesting. It is more a movie about obsession and where it lead these characters. But what I really liked was the way the story was told. It was told like a magic trick in that everything is shown to you from the start, and through misdirection, I really didn't know where the story was going even though I should have. I really want to watch it again and see how I view it with a new perspective, knowing how things turned out. I give The Prestige a score of 9/10. This is a wonderful example of how films should be made. Also check out Christopher Nolan's other films if you haven't already. He's got 2 more that I haven't seen yet but just put in my rental queue.

New Favorite Phrase

Thanks to Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church, I now have a new favorite phrase that I think I will be using whenever possible. That phrase is, "extending the right hand of fellowship." He used this phrase while discussing defending yourself and ultimate fighting. I can't begin to tell you how funny this is to me. I may also modify this to the left hook of fellowship on occasion. And I would also like to thank The Molitor for suggesting extending the finger of fellowship if you are cut off in traffic.

April Fools Day

I like shopping at Woot. They have one item for sale every day. I was very entertained when I saw that for April fools day, they had a Bag O' Crap for just over a million dollars. And it was sold out.