Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Breaking The Sound Barrier

Chances are this isn't the first picture you've seen of a plane breaking the sound barrier, nor will it be your last. I just think it's pretty cool. I don't really have anything to say about it, but here's the accompanying article if you're interested in a very brief, not very good explanation of the accompanying visual phenomenon. I'm impressed that they are able to catch it on film. In addition, here's a slide show of more planes breaking the sound barrier.


Papa Roach - I Almost Told You That I Loved You

Papa Roach first got my attention with their song Last Resort and officially hooked me with Between Angels and Insects. Despite the stupid band name and the lead singer who couldn't sing, I still found myself enjoying the catchy guitar work and meaningful lyrics. After some early success, they couldn't have followed the path of so many other young bands and partied until they had spent all of their money and wound up in rehab, then putting out a mediocre album or two to try to capitalize on their previous success. Instead, fast forward 9 years and they have worked hard to refine their craft. Jacoby Shaddix has even learned to carry a tune and does an admirable job on many of the songs.

Long story short, Metamorphosis has 3 good songs - Hollywood Whore, I Almost Told You That I Loved You, and Lifeline - along with a handful of ok songs. Not a memorable album, but they are showing progress as musicians, and it was worth the $8.99 to download the whole thing from Amazon.

Hot For Teacher

Upon hearing news that Miss Georgia 2009 - Kristina Higgins relinquished her title a day after winning after learning that her duties would interfere with her job as a middle school teacher, all I could think is why in the world didn't I have any teachers that looked even remotely like this when I was a student. Perhaps I would have enjoyed school had there been teachers of this caliber. I will even go so far as to say that this started a chain reaction of hating school which culminated in my dropping out of college and ultimately led to me being an underpaid, unappreciated peon at a lowly job. Had I been inspired by such a dedicated teacher, I most likely would have my PHD by now and would have either cured cancer or invented a can that keeps beverages cold longer or something. One thing is certain and that is that I would undoubtedly be more pretentious and unbearable than I already am. And now the world must suffer for the failure of the educational system to stimulate my, um, intellect. I weep for the future of America as a result.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Hate Fireworks?

Then you're like this douchebag who is suing the city of Seattle to stop the annual firework display over Lake Union. Ignoring decades of aggregate data showing no side effects, he claims that the city needs to do an environmental impact study to find out how many little fishies are being hurt by the fallout. And just so he doesn't come off as too much of an ass, he throws in some fake concern for the viewers who will be at Gas Works Park. Never mind the fact that anyone concerned about their health could very easily not go to the Park.

I assume that if the reporter had done a little digging, he would have found that the real issue is that he doesn't like the crowds around his home on the 4th, or perhaps the noise bothers him, or some other petty issue. Frankly it just nauseates me when people decide to abuse the legal system for their own pet peeves. This will waste thousands of taxpayer dollars and countless hours because this man wants to force his will on the overwhelming majority who disagree with him. Litigation has become the last vestige of the pouty loser who has to have his own way.

I hope that some judge has the balls to throw out this case as unmerited, but frankly I wonder if it's time to counter sue or at the very least have some kind of repercussions for frivolous lawsuits. This is getting out of hand. And sadly in this part of the country we seem to be at the epicenter of this BS. One group repeatedly sued to stop construction of the monorail despite it being approved on 2 ballots. Another group is currently suing to squeeze some money out of the port authority under the guise of noise pollution despite already being compensated prior to it's construction. At least the guy who sued to stop the construction of Safeco Field could cite that voters rejected it. Enough is enough.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

More Saucy Jack

First the whore says, "gov'na fancy a squeeze?"
Next you will be shov'n her down the hall to Hades

Now those are quality lyrics. You wouldn't normally expect that level of sophistacation from the loudest band on earth.

In other news, I've been struck with another brilliant idea. Well, brilliant may be a bit much, but I've had worse ideas. This one is for a doggy day car called Master of Puppies. Metallica music will be played for all the dogs. Some legal hurdles may need to be cleared to make this one a reality.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Side Effects

I saw a commercial today for a drug called Lyrica and for a moment I didn't think they were going to have time to list all of the potential side effects without running out of time. I don't even remember what the drug is supposed to treat, but I can't help but wonder how bad some ailment must be in order to risk such side effects as weight gain, coordination problems, vomiting, and worst of all, suicidal thoughts and behavior. So get some Lyrica and live it up.

Here is the complete staggering list:

Coordination problems
Weight gain
Dry mouth
Accidental injury
Shakiness (tremors)
Memory loss, problems concentrating, or slow thinking
Speech problems
Increased appetite
Problems walking
A spinning sensation (vertigo)
Chest pain
Unexplained pleasant or happy feelings (euphoria)
Back pain
Bladder control problems
Flu-like symptoms (such as body aches and chills)
Low blood sugar (hypoglycemia)
Feeling abnormal or drunk
Sinus infections
Joint pain
Muscle spasms
Signs of congestive heart failure, including difficulty breathing and water retention or swelling (especially in the hands, legs, or feet)
Unusual bruising or bleeding
An irregular heart rhythm (arrhythmia)
Any vision changes, including blurred vision or double vision
A need to take more Lyrica than prescribed, especially if you think you may be dependent or addicted to Lyrica
Unexplained muscle pain or weakness, especially if accompanied by a fever and fatigue
Anxiety or confusion
Signs of an allergic reaction, including unexplained rash, hives, itching, and unexplained swelling
Suicidal thinking or behavior
Sensitivity to the sun
A stiff neck
Canker sores
Hair loss
Dry skin
Dry eyes
Taste changes
Kidney stones
Menstrual problems

Punch Out

Until someone with a Wii invites me over to play the new Punch Out, I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with this one.

Friday, June 26, 2009

It's Over

After what has been a long and stressful few weeks, this week in particular seemed unending, I finally made it to the weekend, and more importantly to a week of way overdue vacation. I've been feeling very exhausted and burned out lately and breathed a big sigh of relief as I walked out of the office today. I just hope that a week is enough to recharge my batteries. And after looking at my vacation bank I realized that I have way more vacation than I thought this year and have to start scheduling a lot more time off since I can't roll over more than 5 days.

This coming week I have a half hour (to start with) scheduled at the batting cages on Saturday, a tennis match and a softball game on Sunday, a beach volleyball game down at Alki on Monday, and am hoping to get out to the driving range at some point during the week. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday too, but that doesn't go under the enjoyable category. Last but not least, I have a few days set aside on and around the 4th of July to visit some relatives in lovely Suquamish where I can obtain and legally discharge some quality explosives and rockets, not to mention eat my fill of BBQ and pie. Along the way I also plan on sneaking a trip or two to the dojo into the schedule to do some fighting. I have to tell you, I don't know of a better outlet for pent up frustrations quite like blowing sh!t up and/or punching something or someone. I'm also going on the record now and saying that I'm open to any other entertainment or recreation options that anyone sees fit to include me in, so long as they are legal, or at the very least fit into the grey area of legality. God willing, I'll finally have the time and energy to clean up this pig sty I call home too.

I'll finish this by saying that over the last couple days Joe Satriani has gotten me through the week. I've had I Believe stuck in my head, and getting home today and cranking it up just makes me feel good. I don't know if it makes me a crotchety old man for whom things were always better back in the day, but I really miss the old Satch. I had high hopes for Chickenfoot, his new band featuring Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony of Van Halen fame and the drummer whose name I don't know from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but after purchasing the album I'm a little disappointed. Oh Yeah is a very catchy, but the rest of the album is pretty flat. It's just kind of lifeless, it feels kind of like they just threw a handful of songs together over a 3 day weekend and it feels like they were just going through the motions in the recording studio. Anyway, here is I Believe to fill you with hope. Just remember that Joe is known for his guitar playing, not his video making, or his singing for that matter although I actually think he did a good job with the vocals on this one.

Rules For Staying Young

Brought to you by Satchel Paige. And since he pitched in the major leagues until he was 59, I think he knows what he's talking about. From his autobiography Maybe I'll Pitch Forever:

1. "Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood."
2. "If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts."
3. "Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move."
4. "Go very light on the vices, such as carrying on in society—the social ramble ain't restful."
5. "Avoid running at all times."
6. "And don't look back—something might be gaining on you."

Giving up fried meats will be difficult, but hopefully I can successfully make the transition over to BBQ. As is I don't eat that many fried meats, but something is definitely angrying up my blood so maybe there is an additional culprit in my diet somewhere. Some have claimed that caffeine is to blame, but those people have all been killed.

My stomach doesn't often dispute me, but when it has I've always pacified it with Tums. I'll give cool thoughts a try next time but I'm not sure how effective it will be.

I'm not entirely sure how to jangle, but hopefully there is a video on youtube with explicit instructions on exactly how to go about this. I'd like to make some guesses on how to jangle about but honestly I don't know where to begin. My inability to jangle may be what puts me in an early grave and my tombstone will read, "here lies Scott because he was unable to jangle."

Numbers 4 and 5 are not a problem for me. Luckily my crippling anti-social behavior keeps me from the social ramble and my laziness and general hatred of running keep me from that vice. Which brings me to number 6. Due to my paranoia, I naturally assume that something or someone is gaining on me. I have my doubts that not looking back will remedy that. And to quote Richard Nixon, "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you." At least I think it was Nixon that said that, correct me if I'm wrong.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Useless Trivia

On the show Gilligan's Island, the Skipper's name is Jonas Grumby. Which I guess explains the need for a nickname.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Saucy Jack

For those of you who have been waiting over a decade for Spinal Tap to break their silence and release a new album, wait no longer. The album Back From The Dead doesn't really feature any new songs but instead contains 'reimagined' versions of their songs. But wait, there's more! For an investment of a mere $11 (from Amazon) you also get a DVD with over an hour of side splittingly funny (or so they claim) video content. It's a value you can't pass up.

Download the new song Saucy Jack here. From lead singer David St Hubbins critically acclaimed rock opera about the life of Jack the Ripper, this is a new albeit short song. But what do you expect for free? Tap is all about providing value for your entertainment dollar. Also, if you plan on being in the London area don't miss out on their one night only world tour. It is not to be missed.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Henry Poole Is Here

Going back to back on the movie reviews, I had high hopes for Henry Poole Is Here. I'm a fan of Luke Wilson and had this pegged as a heartwarming movie about hope. Instead I found a slow moving, highly predictable movie which left me feeling more bitter than hopeful.

Luke Wilson plays the titular Henry Poole, a depressed man who buys a house in a bad neighborhood, planning on drinking away the last days of his miserable life in solitude. When a stereotypical Catholic neighbor sees the face of Jesus in a stain on the side of his house from a bad stucco job, she sees a miracle and he finds his solitude continually interrupted by holy rollers. You can easily guess where it goes from there.

This is supposed to be a movie about faith and hope, but is really a contrived perpetuation of stereotypes. The stereotypical religious nuts who want to see a miracle. The stereotypical atheist who is angry at God because of some bad events in his life and thinks of the religious people as fools. The stereotypical single mom next door who just needs some attention and to feel loved. There is really nothing of substance in this film.

The deal breaker for me, however, is centered around the image of Jesus mysteriously appearing on a wall. I certainly believe in God and miracles, but the notion of Him or anyone else appearing on a wall, a tortilla, a cheese sandwich, or anywhere else is preposterous and I found it very difficult to sit through. It's idolatry, plain and simple. What is more absurd and pathetic than a group of people gathering around and worshipping an inanimate object, hoping it will solve all of their problems? And this film just propagates that fabrication. It really made the movie almost unwatchable for me. Stay away from this one.

Black Sheep

I don't know if you'd call it a request, a challenge, or even a dare. What I do know is that recently the Chuckman informed me that he'd seen a preview for a movie titled Black Sheep (not the one starring Chris Farley) and that he couldn't tell if it was so bad that it's good or so bad that it's just bad. The mighty reviewing skills of Craw Fu were called upon to make a judgment for the good of all. My initial reaction after seen the cover art was that the Chuckman was no friend of mine by making such a request. But since it scored a respectable 71% on Rotten Tomatoes, I thought I might as well give it a shot.

Black Sheep at it's heart is a treatise on the dangers of genetic engineering. For you see, the movie revolves around Henry Oldfield - a young man who has an irrational fear of sheep after some childhood trauma growing up on his family's New Zealand ranch. He returns home after several years to sign over his half of the estate to his brother, who unbeknownst to Henry has created a new breed of sheep with the help of a few top geneticists. As you may have guessed, carnage ensues.

As it turns out, this movie was awful. And not even better than awesome awful, the bad awful. The story was poorly written with bad lines liberally spread throughout the script. There was plenty of low brow humor of both the flatulence and the having sex with sheep (the WSU special as it's usually referred to) genre. Knowing it is a low budget film, I wasn't expecting great special effects, and I wasn't disappointed. In fact, several of the scenes are so poorly lit that you can't really see what's going on. And while I was by no means expecting Shakespearean actors, a few of the guys playing substantial roles were abysmal. Worst of all, the plot was very contrived and full of holes.

In my opinion, this movie was just about as bad as they come, however, it is not without it's audience. Throughout I couldn't help but be reminded of some cult classics I've seen like Re-Animator and the Peter Jackson opus Dead Alive. Fans of low budget horror films full of blood and guts and bad jokes should like this one as well. I find them quite tedious.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Today's Mildly Interesting Anecdote

After arriving to work a few minutes later than scheduled because a driver on 520 didn't realize that sometimes it's a good idea to slow down a bit when the roads are wet and subsequently smashed into the guard rail on the southbound I-5 onramp causing traffic delays, I stopped off on the 8th floor as usual to get my morning coffee. Coffee in hand, I proceeded back over to the elevators to head up to my desk when I bumped into a young couple carrying suitcases. This is a little unusual in my office building, and the woman asked me how to get to the street level. I told her to push the "L" button for the Lobby and went on my merry way, confident in their ability to escape the clutches of Safeco Plaza with that information. I assume these folks entered the wrong building, thinking it was their hotel and then managed to get trapped, but don't really know for sure. I did find it rather amusing though, and were I a more hospitable person I would have given them directions to the nearest Starbucks as well so they could get a refreshing cup of coffee and a delicious chonga bagel. I would like one of those bagels right now come to think of it.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

R.I.P. Bob Bogle

Sad news today as founding member of The Ventures, Bob Bogle died Sunday. Bob was the original lead guitarist for the Tacoma band that is now in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Bob and The Ventures were pioneers in the surf guitar genre despite the fact that you couldn't surf anywhere near Tacoma. I was lucky enough to get to see him live on two occasions, and even though the band was pretty old by the time I saw them, they still put on a great show. And Bob was pretty active on stage particularly in comparison to Nokie Edwards who I believe they wheel on and off the stage with a hand truck. Bob Bogle made it to 75 years old and entertained millions of people along the way. His wasn't cheated out of any time here on Earth, but it will still be a sadder place without him.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Klingon Pimp

In a rare, 2 brilliant idea day, I've just decided that as soon as I learn the Klingon word for pimp, I will make a fortune by supervising a stable of Star Trek costumed call girls. After seeing this slide show, I realized that there are a whole multitude of dateless computer programmers with plenty of disposable income who are dying for the opportunity to live out their Captain Kirk fantasy of scoring with a green alien chick. Without this service, most of these poor men will never know the touch of a woman. Most will never even know what a woman's voice sounds like when she's not disgusted. A few discrete, well placed signs at each Star Trek convention is all it will take.

Once this idea takes off, I have plans to expand to medieval fair attendees and World of Warcraft players. I'm having business cards printed up right now.

Business Idea

I haven't come up with a name for this new business yet, but I think there are vast quantities of money to be made in the rent a man industry. Don't misunderstand, there is nothing physical involved in this business model, men will simply be available to listen to women complain and to sympathize with them. Say you are a married man and you don't care about what your wife has to say, yet she won't stop talking. Simply rent a man who will follow her around for a while occasionally saying, "uhuh" or, "how did that make you feel?" Or perhaps you're a single woman who chased your last man away because he wouldn't listen to you. Help is now just a phone call away. This is practically a license to print money. Millions of potential clients are in this country alone, and when I go international, my name will be mentioned along side Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, and Warren Buffet. Now is your chance to get in on the ground floor of this exciting opportunity. I am now accepting venture capital.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Crayon Juice

For everyone out there, like the Chuckman, whose childhood love of consuming crayons and paste led to a lifetime of debilitating food allergies, I present to you Crayon juice. I walked into the office kitchen this morning and was absolutely dumbfounded by what I saw. I looked at it from several different angles trying to uncover what mysteries it held, yet for some reason feared to touch it. Perhaps picking it up would have given me a better understanding but I'll never know. I just stared in awe, wondering if this was some kind of liquefied crayon drink, or merely a crayon flavored concoction. I wondered if perhaps Crayola has a similar drink. I've heard of other liquefied products like liquid nails, but I certainly would never consume them.

Knowing that no one would believe me if I tried to tell them that such a product existed, I took a picture for posterity. I knew that any attempt to try to convince someone I wasn't making it up would be met with mockery and derision. I can't go through life with any more mockery than I already face on a day to day basis.

And yet I must admit that several hours later, it still haunts me. How is such a product possible? Who would buy it? I think I would rather drink some of that vile V-8 than anything crayon flavored. And assuming it is not actually crayon flavored, why would any company think that it is a good marketing ploy to invoke the image of something inedible (unless you're The Chuckman) for a food product? Even Velveeta is smart enough not to market itself as plastic flavored cheese, even though that's what it is. At this point I just hope I don't lose too much sleep trying to come to terms with this.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Miscellaneous Roundup

A variety of things have caught my eye in the last couple days, but none really warrant extended discussion, so I'll keep this brief. First off, I'm excited to hear that Nick Montana verbally committed to play football at the University of Washington. I don't know if he'll live up to his dad's overwhelming legend, but he's an All American in his junior year of high school, so I count this as a win for the Husky program. Maybe the Sarkisian recruiting machine has just kicked into high gear and this is just the type of news that will help us score some other top recruits. Unfortunately I think we lost out on the Barry Sanders Jr sweepstakes. I think I heard he committed to Oklahoma.

On to the MLB draft. The Mariners incompetence last year in not even being able to lose enough games to net the top pick caused them to miss out on the one player I've heard of - Steven Strasburg. And instead of sticking to their usual tradition of taking a starting pitcher in the hopes of converting him to a middle reliever, taking a catcher that they hope to either trade or turn into a DH, or taking a SS to convert into an out fielder, they tried a different tactic. They took outfielder Dustin Ackley in the hopes of turning him into a 1B or 2B. I don't know much about him, but what I've read sounds promising. Some scouts think he has the stuff to suit up for the M's tomorrow and be reasonably productive for the remainder of the season. Rumor has it we won't see him in the bigs this year though.

Finally, some really exciting news. Futurama is back!!!! After 4 direct to DVD feature length movies which were, to be completely honest, pretty mediocre (with the exception being Bender's Game which I thought was well done) Comedy Central has signed a deal to create 26 new half hour episodes beginning in mid 2010. I officially can't wait. As big a fan as I am of the series, the movies were a bit disappointing and I think that the format was not a good fit for the series. I think the half hour episodes will give us a return of the quality I had come to expect from the series. Now if we can just get some network to bring back Pushing Daisies and Arrested Development....

Sunday, June 07, 2009

My New Catch Phrase

I had planned on writing a brilliant, well thought out piece on Shakespeare here, but after spending an hour writing what turned out to be a pretty awful movie review, I've decided that my brain isn't capable of the rational thought required for such a thing at the moment so that will have to wait for another day. Instead I will share some poorly conceived nonsense. I really don't speak any Spanish, other than learning some rather useless things like food names and phrases like please remain seated. Thank you Disneyland for repeating that over and over in both English and Spanish in the interminably long Matterhorn line. Sadly I have no idea how to spell it. Anyway, after seeing the above clip my new favorite saying is, "usted baila como un hombre que vive como mujer."

And just to add a little more interest, today's useless trivia revolves around the etymology of the word trivia itself. It is derived from the Latin for three roads. Had I known this earlier, I think I may have called my blog The Three Ways instead. The more I think about it, the more appropriate this name seems since, according to Wikipedia, the place where three roads meet (an intersection or street corner) suggests that which is commonplace and vulgar - two of my defining characteristics. The true gem gleaned from Wiki though is the quote from two Columbia University students who popularized the current usage of the word and criticized practitioners who were "indiscriminate enough to confuse the flower of Trivia with the weed of minutiae." How profound.

The etymology of the word trivia seems to start with Latin tri- = "three", and via = "way", "road", thus trivium, which has been treated in three ways:

Where three roads meet, especially as a place of public resort. The Latin adjective triviālis, derived from trivium, thus meant "appropriate to the street corner, commonplace, vulgar." The first known usage of the word "trivial" in Modern English is from 1589; it was used with a sense identical to that of triviālis. Shortly after that trivial is recorded in the sense most familiar to us: "of little importance or significance." Gradually, the word trivia came to be used in English for what in Latin would have called "triviālia", for anything information or concern which is treated as everyday and unimportant.

The Three Ways (first known used in English in a work from 1432–1450). This work mentions the "arte trivialle", referring to the trivium, which was the three Artes Liberales (Liberal Arts) that were taught first in medieval universities, namely grammar, rhetoric, and logic. (The other four Liberal Arts were the quadrivium, namely arithmetic, geometry, music, and astronomy, which were more challenging.) Hence, trivial in this sense would have meant "of interest only to an undergraduate".

The Roman courier network Cursus publicus which was set up by Emperor Augustus. Messengers traveled the Roman Empire taking messengers from one province to the next. At crossroads notice boards would display gossip or news from Rome....hence 'trivia'. This is where the term trivia comes from 'tri' 'via' means 'three roads'.

The word trivia was popularized in its current meaning in the 1960s by Columbia University students Ed Goodgold and Dan Carlinsky, who created the earliest inter-collegiate quiz bowls that tested culturally significant yet ultimately unimportant facts, which they dubbed "trivia contests". The first book treating trivia of this universal sort was Trivia (Dell, 1966) by Goodgold and Carlinsky, which achieved a ranking on the New York Times best seller list; the book was an extension of the pair's Columbia contests and was followed by other Goodgold and Carlinsky trivia titles. In their second book, More Trivial Trivia, the authors criticized practitioners who were "indiscriminate enough to confuse the flower of Trivia with the weed of minutiae"; Trivia, they wrote, "is concerned with tugging at heartstrings," while minutiae deals with such unevocative questions as "Which state is the largest consumer of Jell-O?" But over the years the word has come to refer to obscure and arcane bits of dry knowledge as well as nostalgic remembrances of pop culture.

Tell No One

*Subtitle alert*

Tell No One is a cerebral mystery for those looking for something a little different. Following a romantic evening at a lake, Alex Beck's wife is murdered and he is beaten unconscious with a bat and left in a coma. Flash forward 8 years, and police begin questioning Alex about the circumstances of his wife's death and he also receives some mysterious emails causing him to wonder what really happened that night and if his wife really is dead.

The script is compelling and every time I thought I knew what was going on, another piece of information is revealed, changing everything. And yet the plot twists never get overbearing or bog down the plot. It is captivating from beginning to end. It is a little confusing early on but the story unfolds as Alex unravels the mysterious circumstances while running from police who now consider him a suspect. It is never boring and if you stick with it you will be rewarded.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Useless Trivia

The fist CD pressed in the US for commercial release was Bruce Springsteen's Born in the USA.

Friday, June 05, 2009

National Donut Day

Happy National Donut Day one and all! Since I found out about this momentous occasion, I have been able to think about little else. My sources tell me that if you are in the general proximity of a Dunkin Donuts or a Krispy Kreme, you can score a free sugary treat, but unfortunately neither are conveniently located. I'm not sure there is still a Dunkin in the state. Anyway, as I ponder my alternatives, please at least enjoy a donut on my behalf. I'm trying to decide whether to make the trip up to Top Pot, or just stop in a Starbucks and grab something. Why are there not more donut shops downtown?

And so, here are my top 5 donuts:
5. Cake donut - with or without sprinkles
4. Cruller
3. Old Fashioned
2. Bismarck - aka Boston Cream - aka Berliner. Although I believe technically these can be filled with a variety of things, it is the custard filled ones that I love. Incidentally, when John F Kennedy made his famous proclamation, "Ich bin ein Berliner" he was telling the good people of berlin that he was a donut. Sort of like if he had gone to Hamburg, Germany and declared, "Ich bin ein Hamburger." Kind of amusing, but they knew what he was talking about.
1. Apple fritter. The tastiest donut of them all. It is one of the greatest human achievements of our time. I rank it just below the wheel.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Dumb People

Why are dumb people the loudest? I haven't done any formal research into the subject, however, based upon anecdotal evidence, the level of speaking volume seems to be inversely proportional to the intellect of the speaking individual. This occurred to me a few nights ago when a very noisy family seated behind me at the Mariner game repeatedly uttered such gems as, "it's crowdeder over there."

And apart from this one specific observation, consider the disparity in decibel level between a professional wrestling match and a Pulitzer prize ceremony. Or who is more likely to be seen shouting, "woooo" at the top of his lungs, a Nobel laureate or a NASCAR fan? Which get's me off on a momentary tangent: if there is one word I would like to see stricken from the English language it is 'woo'. Nothing else quite so poignantly declares to the world that you are an idiot like screaming 'woo'. And please feel free to punch the next person you hear that from. Hard.

Back to the issue at hand. Is this due to a malfunction filter - the part of the brain that allows you to think about what you say before you actually say it? Are those with lower IQ's more likely to find themselves in noisy environs which effect their hearing and they just don't know how loud they are? Have they evolved enough socially that they are unconcerned about the opinions of others to the extent that they have no qualms about shouting, "git er done!"

Whatever the reason, I propose that someone invent a device that can be distributed in trailer parks nationwide which, when affixed, will not only lower the volume by a minimum of 25% (it should be adjustable), but turn all words into the muffled trombone sound made by any adult in a Peanuts cartoon. "Wha wha wha wha wha." I see no down side in this solution and the sooner it is implemented, the better.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by the Craw Fu Corporation - provider of equitable solutions to the world's problems.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

National Champs

Congratulations to the University of Washington softball team for sweeping the evil Florida Gators in the world series and bringing some respectability back to Seattle sports. And the icing on the cake is pulling if off in Oklahoma City after they stole the Sonics. Now if Steve Sarkisian can just turn around the fortunes of the hapless football team, all will be right with the world. Well, maybe not right, but better.

Watch the highlights here.