Friday, February 25, 2011


Today I decided I wanted to try one of the burgers at Grubstake that I'd seen advertised on this sign on the corner.  I risked life and limb walking down to the waterfront to get the aforementioned burger and nearly died of hypothermia and may have lost a few fingers and an ear to frostbite, I won't know for sure until later.  Anyway, I arrived at the sign and quickly followed the finger pointing the way and walked into the pier only to find The Crab Pot, and oyster bar, and an ice cream stand, none of which appealed to me.  Nowhere to be seen was a place called The Grubstake, and nowhere to be seen where any burgers.  The place also has a glowing review on Yelp, so the evidence at hand leads me to believe it really exists, but the one question I have is where the hell is it?  If this were a hot dog place, nobody would care if it couldn't be found, however burgers are on the line here people.  That's something you don't joke around about, particularly when you're throwing around adjectives like 'best'.  I demand to know where this place is hiding, or else I demand that entire pier be sunk into the sea and forgotten for generations in retaliation for their misleading signage.  This will not stand.  Where's my burgers, damn it!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Useless Trivia

Who owned the largest commercial whiskey distillery in 18th-century America?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

AM Radio

This has nothing to do with the Everclear song, rather it is in regards to the quandary I find myself in these days.  I used to have my alarm clock set to KZOK in the mornings and I would awaken to the Bob Rivers Show.  A few months ago, however, Bob and company left the station following a contract dispute leaving me in search of a new radio show to listen to in the mornings.  Truth be told, the Bob Rivers Show had been in steady decline anyway with Bob increasingly turning into a grumpy old man.  Still, I have had a great deal of difficulty finding a suitable replacement. 

For a while I tried listening to Kent & Allen on KPLZ, and while they are quite enjoyable gentlemen, the music selection on that station is insufferable.  Next I switched to 104.9 KFNK with the knowledge that at least I could wake up to some enlightening heavy metal.  Again, tragedy befell me when the station inexplicably changed formats to become GenX, an eclectic mix of music from the early 90s, most of which I'd forgotten and wish I'd never been reminded of. 

Following these disasters, I returned to KISW, which I had defected from years ago when they made the unfortunate decision to hire BJ Shea, since I knew I would at least like the music.  The problem, though, is that BJ is a loud mouthed jackass who feels that hiding behind the guise of unfiltered honesty gives him license to be an overbearing jerk.  He spends half the morning shouting and, as luck would have it, that's also his preferred debate technique:  if you shout so loud that the other guy can't get a word in edgewise, you'll never lose an argument.  And either he frequently plays the devil's advocate or he is just dumb as hell.  And the rest of the morning crew is no better.  There is one guy whose job, it seems, is to cackle like a hyena at everything that is said, whether it was meant to be funny or not.  I just can't stand it anymore. 

So again I find myself in need of a decent radio station to wake up to.  I've tried a few other miscellaneous stations, but either I can't stand the music or I can't stand the on air personalities.  I don't need a morning "show", I would be perfectly happy to have nothing but music.  I don't think I've tried KJAQ, maybe that's the solution.  If not, then the logical next step is to turn off the alarm and just show up for work whenever I happen to wake up.  At least until I get fired and don't need to get up at any specific time anymore.  So I'm open to suggestions.  The degree of difficulty being that I can't stand rap, pop, or country. 

Motorcycle Noise

It is high time that the state legislature start requiring motorcycles to comply with the same noise ordinances as cars and trucks.  There are few things in this world more annoying than some middle aged guy with an inferiority complex living out his pathetic bad boy fantasy by revving up his overpriced Harley.  If I owned a firearm, I'd probably shoot the jackasses that decide to do that in a residential neighborhood at 1 AM. 

There's just no reason for bikes to be loud.  Some of the fools that ride noisy bikes will try to claim that it's a safety issue because motorcycles are harder to see on the road since they are smaller than cars.  This argument is completely bogus.  There has never been a conclusive study that being noisier equates to being safer.  It's simply more annoying.  Even Motorcycle Cruiser Magazine debunks this myth.

Myth 2: Loud Pipes Save Lives

Yeah, there are a few situations—like where you are right next to a driver with his window down who is about the to change lanes—where full-time noise-makers might help a driver notice you, but all that noise directed rearward doesn't do much in the most common and much more dangerous conflict where a car turns in front of you. Maybe it's the fatigue caused by the noise, maybe it's the attitudes of riders who insist on making annoying noise, or perhaps loud bikes annoy enough drivers to make them aggressive. Whatever the reason, the research shows that bikes with modified exhaust systems crash more frequently than those with stock pipes. If you really want to save lives, turn to a loud jacket or a bright helmet color, which have been proven to do the job. Or install a louder horn. Otherwise, just shut up.

So write your congressman, beat down a Harley rider or simply verbally abuse him, just do whatever it takes to get these nuisances off the road.  There's no point annoying the majority of the population so that some losers can compensate for their small genitalia.

Costco Thursday

I just got home from Costco and it was the least crowded I've ever seen it.  Is it possible that Thursday night is the magic night, or is tonight just an anomaly?  Unfortunately though, the lack of a crowd didn't mean that there were no morons shopping there.  I nearly yelled at the guy who decided to pull his cart up next to the cart of the woman who was stopped looking at something, blocking the entire aisle just because he thought that was a convenient place to stop and chat with his wife.  Normally that type of offense is punishable by a running kick to the groins, but my kicking leg is currently out of order so he remains unpunished for his transgression.

I decided to get some Greek yogurt after being on the receiving end of some promotion that bordered on coercion from some friends and family who apparently have accepted positions with the Greek yogurt lobby.  I immediately tried it when I got home and I can honestly tell you that in a blind taste test I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between this and any other yogurt.  I'm sure that I'll be told I got the wrong kind of Greek yogurt or some other excuse, but I remain unconvinced of it's superiority.

I sometimes find it interesting to look at other people's carts and see what they are buying.  Today I was intrigued by the gentleman who had a cart stacked high with nothing but toilet paper, garbage bags, and batteries.  I counted 12 of the 24 packs of toilet paper.  I don't know what that guy has been eating but I don't want any.  I assume he's a restauranteur or some other businessman, but the lack of other items is a trifle confusing. 

Saving the best for last, I bring you this glorious news.  Despite the fact that I already own a copy on DVD, I was unable to pass up buying a copy of This Is Spinal Tap on blu ray for the paltry sum of $9.99.  Anyone wishing to schedule a viewing of this comic masterpiece in glorious high definition on a 60" screen can feel free to contact me. 

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Have A Heart

Nothing says I love you quite like a heart shape steak. So this Valentines Day give that special someone your heart.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

James Harrison Rule

In 2010 the NFL went way over the top penalizing and fining players for hits to the head in a vain attempt to reduce the number of concussions.  Some players refused to adjust their play to comply with the new rules no matter how many times they were penalized or fined.  James Harrison in particular racked up enough fines to finance another couple of government bailouts.  Clearly the NFL's current tactics are not effective.  That is why I propose what I call the James Harrison rule.  For unrepentant repeat offenders, I think that officials should confiscate their helmets and force them to take the field in old timey leather helmets.  If a player still wants to use his head as a weapon, he's going to have to put his own safety in jeopardy to do so.  As I see it, this is the only viable solution. 
Yes, I know this is Hines Ward and not James Harrison.  He was the only player I could find wearing a leather helmet though.

Come to think of it, maybe teams should wear leather helmets in throwback games from time to time.


After discussing former local sports radio personality New York Vinnie today and thinking about how grating New York accents are to listen to, I got to thinking, what is the worst accent to listen to?  As much as I dislike New York accents, I will readily admit that they don't come close to being as annoying as Boston accents.  What makes Boston accents worse is that Mass holes are the ones behind the accents.  It isn't enough that the inability to pronounce the letter 'r' is an assault on your ears, the words chosen by your average Bostonian are even more offensive.  I've never been fond of Russian accents, and since I'm typically unable to tell the difference, I'm throwing Ukranian, Armenian, and several other Russian sounding accents into the same category.  I don't care much for the thick Southern accent either, but it's not nearly as bad as the previous accents.  And since I still have some relatives in Alabama I shouldn't disparage it too much.  Those are the only ones currently coming to mind that I don't care for, so I guess for me it's a toss up between Russian and Boston and it's kind of a day to day decision.  At the moment I'm feeling like Boston accents are the worst though.

Green Hornet

After seeing a trailer for the Green Hornet recently, I got to thinking:  there are a lot of green superheroes.  Just off the top of my head, in addition to the Green Hornet there is also the Green Lantern, Green Arrow, and the Hulk.  So I got to wondering, is this some sort of conspiracy put forth by the Green Party?  Unlikely since the Green Hornet drives a gas guzzler instead of a Prius.  Are the Green Bay Packers behind this?  Also unlikely since the majority of Green Bay fans aren't clever enough to conspire about anything.  The most logical conclusion I was able to draw was that the artists at Marvel (or DC or whoever created the characters) had a bunch of extra green crayons in their box and needed something to do with them.  I'm open to other theories though.