Story Time

Gather 'round kiddies, because a dirty story I promised you, and a dirty story you shall have. This particular story takes place about 4 years ago, back when the Mariners were still selling out games. Well, I was leaving a sold out game one night and had just come out of the centerfield gate and was walking down Royal Brougham toward first avenue when a very drunk woman stepped directly in front of me, stopped me, and asked me what was wrong. I told her that nothing was wrong, that I was just a little tired and ready to go home. It was at that point that she changed the subject slightly and said, "I want you to lick my p*$$y." (conversation edited for your protection, she didn't actually use any asterisks or dollar signs).

Needless to say, I was a little surprised to hear this. Let me just say at this point that while she wasn't a model, she wasn't all bad looking. So after a pause of a couple seconds, I decided to play along a little and said ok. I don't think she was expecting this, because she was a little surprised, and paused a second or so before telling me to get on my knees. I looked around a little and said, "Right here? With all these people around?"

She responded, "Yes, get on your knees right now and I'll drop my pants."

I said, "There are thousands of people around, and a couple police officers 50 feet away directing traffic."

A couple more times she repeated, "Get on your knees and I'll drop my pants." Each time sounding a little more agitated.

Well, at this point I decided that fun time was over and told her that it was time for me to go home and began walking away. While I was walking away, I was verbally assaulted with as many profanities as you can possibly imagine. A lot of people then began to take notice and look at me shocked, wondering what I had done to her. I just kept walking though and ended up with nothing but a good story. In retrospect I kind of wish I had played along a little longer and gotten on my knees just to see what she would do. And I still wonder a little if there had been a hidden camera somewhere. I guess I'll never know.