Useless Trivia

Prussian king Frederick the Great is said by many biographers to have enjoyed drinking coffee made with champagne instead of water, and, occasionally, flavoured with mustard.

I'm still on the fence as to whether the coffee made with champagne is worth a try, but mustard is definitely out. That being said, I am officially offering the the king's ransom of $1 to anyone willing to try it and report back here.

Quote of the Day

"If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half assed."

- Homer Simpson

This Week In Pictures

Giant pumpkin carving at the fair. I went to the fair over the weekend for the first time in several years, and this is the only thing noteworthy enough to take a picture of. I probably should have taken a picture of the Earthquake burger I ate, but I assume everyone knows what a burger looks like. And perhaps you can't get a sense of scale in this picture, but including the pallets, this giant pumpkin probably came up to my chin.

This is what BBQ is supposed to be like. So much smoke that you can barely see and that you have to wear goggles and a gas mask. I'm also a fan of the huge gloves.

I should probably block out the license plate number, but I've never used photoshop and I'm too lazy to learn. And if I did, you wouldn't be able to see the point of the photo, which is: isn't this illegal?

This photo of the moon is actually probably a month old, but I forgot I had it on my phone. I wish it came out better, it looked pretty cool with just a few whispy clouds around it, giving it an aura. I think I'd like to take some photography classes.

Post Game Celebration

I got tickets to the Seahawks game and, well you know how that turned out, but this is about the real show that started after the game was over. I walked up to the International District bus tunnel and got in line to catch a ride home. We crammed as many people as we could onto the bus and headed on our way. The driver rolled right past the Pioneer Square stop and had no intention of stopping at University Street Station except that someone needed to get off. That's when all hell broke loose.

There was a group of older people waiting at that stop, and when the driver told them there was no room, one white haired old shrew absolutely went ballistic. I had parked at the Evergreen Point Park & Ride (right at the East end of the 520 floating bridge), and so found myself a seat as close to the front of the bus as I could since I would be one of the first ones off. This gave me a front row seat for the whole show.

Unfortunately for the driver the woman had her foot in the door so he could just close the door and drive away. As a result he had to listen to her scream a profanity laden tirade about how long they had been waiting and how they had no intention of waiting any longer. She then began to demand to know why he hadn't scheduled more busses since he knew that there was a game getting over at that time. A quick side note: Apparently this woman has yet to learn that the world does not revolve around her, and what's more, seems to be under the delusion that other people should have gotten off the bus and waited for the next one to make room for her and her group.

At this point she forced her way on, started screaming at everyone to move to the back of the bus, and physically began pushing people out of the way. She got up to where I was sitting, pointed a finger in my face, and said, "you need to move so someone else can sit down." While I normally would give up my seat to an older woman, after witnessing the preceding tirade I didn't feel inclined to encourage this kind of anti-social behaviour in the future by letting her have her way, I looked her in the eye and simply said, "no" and then looked away. Of course this set her off even more and she repeatedly called me an a$$ hole and began demanding that the driver call the transit police and have me kicked off the bus.

Another man on the bus apparently had heard all he wanted to and then told her, "we all waited a long time for the bus and we got on first so shut your f*#ing mouth." The man who was with her, presumably her husband, lost it and shouted, "f#$ you, you mother f#*er" and began pushing his way through the crowd trying to grab the guy. A few people held him back long enough to compose himself, and the bus driver was finally able to get the door closed and start moving again. We spent at least 5 minutes, probably longer, at this stop with all of this drama.

As luck would have it, once we got out of the bus tunnel and onto the freeway, traffic was barely moving, making for a long ride. The old lady turned it down from 10 to about 7, but still wasn't able to give it up. The whole ride she wouldn't stop griping about how incensed she was, and I heard her tell everyone around her at least 25 times that I was an a$$ hole. By the time we got to the Montlake stop in the U District, a young woman standing in front of me had had enough and turned and told her that her language was far worse than anything she had ever heard from any of the construction crews she works with and that she owed the entire bus, but in particular the driver an apology. This didn't go over well, but at least didn't send her into another psychotic rage.

The muttering continued all the way across the 520 bridge, and when we got to my stop, I heard her shout, "have a nice day." Presumably this last bit of sarcasm was meant as a final jab at me, but I just got off the bus without even looking back. The funny part of all this, that I probably shouldn't be proud of, is that the whole time I heard her berating me to everyone who could hear her, I couldn't help smiling and chuckling to myself. I found it so amusing that I could completely ruin her whole afternoon by simply not yielding to her demands and refusing to respond to her after that. I kind of wanted stir the hornets nest just a little further as I was getting off the bus by saying, "the only reason I didn't give up my seat is because you're a bitch" but instead took the high road and kept my mouth shut.

In retrospect, I should have given my seat up to one of the other ladies who were behaving themselves, but there was absolutely no way I was going to encourage this woman by letting her think that she can get what she wants by freaking out and acting like a psychopath. At this point I can't help but wonder what kind of career she had prior to retirement that might have contributed to her unbelievable sense of entitlement. I keep thinking she must have been an attorney. Who knows, but I'm sure that she'll spend the entire week telling everyone who will listen about all of the horrible people on the bus.

Quote of the Day

Leela: "Is that a hobbit over there?"
Bender: "No, it's a hobo and a rabbit. But they're making a hobbit."

Courtesy of Futurama: Bender's Game

Zomedy

I believe that a new movie genre has been created, the zombie comedy, or zomedy if you will. Sure, there were some unintentional comedies - like any of George Romero's sequels to Night of the Living Dead or 28 Days Later - not to mention some low budget films which had to rely on comedy to compensate for the lack of special effects - see Dead Alive or Chopper Chicks in Zombietown. But it wasn't until Sean of the Dead came along that the zomedy genre, in my mind, was really born. Since then, films such as Dance of the Dead and Black Sheep came and went and now the big budget release Zombieland is set to take the nation by storm.

For starters, this movie does not look good and violates one of my cardinal rules of cinema: don't watch a movie starring Woody Harrelson. He was in the outstanding No Country For Old Men, so I can't say don't watch anything with him in it at all, but I think it's pretty safe to put a cap on him appearing in 10% of the scenes. More than that and you'll regret it. But I digress. The point really is, this is a pretty shallow shaft that has already been well mined. How much more can they milk it before it's not entertaining anymore? I guess the answer to that will come in about a week when we see how well Zombieland is received. I have yet to see a review, but I don't expect to see many good ones.

On the other hand, If You Were A Zombie may never get stale. Or maybe I just haven't looked at it recently or often enough to grow tired of it. Either way I'm glad to resurrect an old favorite.

Useless Trivia

On Tuesday April 18, 1979, the Mariners and A's played in front of a crowd of 653 fans at Oakland Alameda County Stadium. That is the smallest crowd ever to attend a Mariner game, and I assume the smallest for the A's too. That night the Mariners lost a 5-2 heartbreaker as Dave Heaverlo, future Mariner and father of former Mariner Jeff Heaverlo, picked up his 3rd save of the season.

Irony

In a shocking twist of fate, the entire Nippon Ham Fighters baseball team including coaches have been quarantined after 3 players tested positive for swine flu. You can't make stuff like that up. Apparently they weren't fighting the ham enough.

Photography

I'm a pretty big fan of photography despite the fact that I'm a pretty lousy photographer. So it made me happy to find not one but two sites recently with some pretty spectacular photos. First is the Smithsonian magazine web site which has several captivating space photos. In particular I was really awe struck by this photo from the Cassini space probe orbiting Saturn of the planet eclipsing the sun.

Today I stumbled upon an amazing photography blog titled Stuck In Customs. In particular it's about HDR, or High Dynamic Range photography. I didn't post a photo here primarily because I really couldn't narrow it down to just one to share. Some are absolutely breathtaking and others are a bit surreal and odd looking, but they are all fascinating. From what I've read, HDR is an editing process that uses software to bring out more radiant colors and contrasts. Anyway, the blog is kind of a photo travelogue with pictures from all over the world. I'll tell you right now though, once you start looking at the photos you might suddenly realize that an hour or so has slipped away from you.

And now, for no apparent reason, one of the greatest music videos ever filmed: Safety Dance! It combines all the excitement of a Renaissance fair with, well, dancing. And a midget. Or is it a dwarf? I'm ashamed to say I forgot which is which.


Okay, according to Wikipedia, a midget is proportional and a dwarf has shorter arms and legs but a normal adult size torso and head. Based on that, it appears that the little person in the video is in fact a dwarf. The costume makes it a little difficult to tell for sure though.

My Deepest Darkest Secret

I can't tell the difference between Spearmint, Peppermint, and Wintergreen. Now you know my shame. I've lived with this for far too long and it is only now that I have been able to accept it. I can finally breathe a sigh of relief, having unburdened myself. I can only hope that the world will accept me.

Aston Martin DB9

For some reason I have been seeing a lot of Aston Martin DB9s about town recently. Either that or I keep seeing the same one. Anyway, the point is that I've decided I want one. With a sticker price of $185,000 I don't know how I'll ever afford one, but I haven't quite gotten that far in my plans yet. So far I've just decided I want one. I think I'll have to play some Gran Turismo or Forza Motorsport to see how the handling and performance are, and then I'll be able to begin plans for fund raising. If anybody reading this has an extra one they want to give me I would gladly accept.

The Dentist

Saturday morning I got to visit my dentist - outside of the normally scheduled visits. For you see, it was last week that I was eating some delicious phad thai when I felt a crunch and then spit out something that looked like some kind of resin or epoxy. I didn't think much of it at the time, simply that something hard had gotten into my noodles, but I soon began to experience sensitivity to hot and cold. Now eating or drinking anything that isn't room temperature, or I guess mouth temperature is more accurate, causes it to ache. So Saturday I had a quick appointment to check it out and it turns out I managed to break the filling out of my tooth. How I did that eating noodles I'll never know, but then again several years ago I chipped a tooth eating ice cream so stranger things have happened. I blame that one on thermal shock, but the noodle thing I have no scientific explanation for. I guess I just have to stay away from soft foods.

Bow Down To Washington

I'm still riding the high of the biggest upset in team history, and to find them actually ranked this week is unbelievable. Sure it's only #24, but after last season I thought it would be years, if not decades, before they were ranked again. Finally some dignity has returned to the Pacific Northwest. Sure, one could and probably will argue that Oregon has been ranked in recent years and has upheld the dignity of the Northwest, but have you seen those uniforms? There is no dignity to be seen within miles of Eugene. For now, the Huskies are the team to beat in the PAC-10, the conference powerhouse. Long live the UW dynasty! At least for one more week.

Breakfast Foods

Why is it that if you're going to eat a food for breakfast that normally is eaten at during a different meal it must be noted as such? Why can't I just call a breakfast burrito a burrito? It doesn't work the other way around. If I want to have a waffle for lunch, like I will be able to soon when the waffle shop down the street opens up, I don't have to call it a lunch waffle. If I get a craving for an omelette at 7 pm, I don't have to order a dinner omelette. I don't understand why breakfast has this inferiority complex.

And why can't I eat whatever I want for breakfast? Why isn't there a breakfast pizza, a breakfast gyro, or even a breakfast burger? Why must such gastronomical delights be confined to a rigid time table? It's not right. I shouldn't have to wait until 10:30 to get some BBQ pork. Did we lose a war? That's not America! That's not even Mexico. The time has come for change. One of the cornerstones of the Craw Fu administration will be that you will be able to eat anything you want at any time of the day. It will be the 28th amendment to the constitution and it will end meal discrimination.

Mildly Interesting Story

Barely able to drag myself out of bed this morning, I was late getting out the door. This in turn forced me to drive down to the park & ride since the bus that passes within walking distance was long gone. As a result I was forced to pay attention to my surroundings rather than read a magazine. Now that the complete picture is painted for you, I can move on to the interesting part of the story. While driving, I saw a young man walking down the sidewalk swaying from side to side quite a bit while he walked. I don't know if that was his "cool" walk or if he simply never learned to walk like a normal human, but as soon as I saw him I thought, "that guy walks like an ape." I'm sure you've all seen nature programs with apes walking upright and can visualize the whole scenario so that I don't have to track down a video of a strolling monkey. Anyway, as I got closer I noticed he had something in his hand. I didn't think anything of it, but just as I was passing him I glanced over again and saw that the item in his hand was a banana! This caused me to immediately erupt with laughter and still makes me chuckle thinking back on it.

As luck would have it, this was simply a precursor to the most banana filled news day possibly in history. During my lunchtime browsing, I first came across a story about a woman in Wisconsin who is wanted for dressing in a gorilla costume and stealing a giant styrofoam banana from a gas station. Unfortunately the perpetrator has since moved to Montana and the extradition costs preclude the hope of any justice for the gas station owners. As an added bonus, video is included!



As if that weren't enough, I then found an article about researchers who have discovered glowing bananas! Now you will never go hungry in the dark again.

But the hits just kept coming. Literally. It seems that an Australian man was unfortunate enough to be killed when his car collided with a banana truck. Not a very a-peal-ing prospect. I apologize for the laffy taffy caliber joke, it was the best I could come up with.

But wait, there's more! Banana day wrapped up, for now at least, with troubling news for banana farmers in India. It seems that the nations youth are stealing bananas to charge their cell phones. No, they haven't found some ingenious way of charging electronics with fruit (although I once saw a guy on youtube charge his ipod with a potato), they are selling the hot bananas for vouchers good for phone charging. Why bananas? I have no idea. It seems like there are plenty of things they could steal but for some reason they prefer bananas.

Stay tuned for the latest breaking news concerning bananas.

Useless Trivia

'Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo' is an entirely grammatically correct sentence - as 'buffalo' can mean the large bovine, the city in New York state, or a verb meaning 'to bully'. It was first created by linguist William J. Rapaport - from the University of, naturally, Buffalo.

Oddly enough I couldn't stop repeatedly muttering Buffalo while watching the Monday night meltdown. This was accompanied by head shaking.

New Personal Best!

I finally did it. I finally cracked the 400 mile barrier in my car. I've come close before, but today I gassed up after driving 408.5 miles on a tank. I have a 14 gallon tank and I was really pushing it when I filled up. I don't remember the exact amount but it was somewhere in the neighborhood of 13.7 gallons. If I had something to prove I could have coaxed another 6 miles out of it. As it is, I came damn close to getting 30 miles a gallon for the tank. Not bad for a 10 year old car rated for 21 in town, 31 on the highway, 25 combined. I even found a picture of one the same color as mine! I still think it would get better mileage if it had a 6th gear optimized for freeway speeds though. I don't know why auto manufacturers don't do that. I have noticed a drop off in mileage and performance in the past year or so, I think the oil companies must be tinkering with the formulation, adding more ethanol to reduce emissions or some such nonsense. I'm too tired and impatient to find it right now. I just know that somehow the gub'ment is teaming up with the oil companies, the sheik, and the trilateral commission to make me pay more for gas. I don't have all of the details worked out yet, but maybe Shelvis can lend me a hand fleshing it out.

In other news, I just got around to using the fancy high carbon stainless steel knife that my mom got me for Christmas. She loves to by me stuff for the kitchen that I don't need and will probably never use. I already have a butcher's block full of knives and several more in the drawer, I don't know what made her think I needed a few more. But I digress, as I was using the afore mentioned knife, I wondered, what does high carbon stainless steel do for me? I'm sure something good or they wouldn't bother writing it on there. But then I thought, maybe companies do tout nonsensical stuff just because consumers will think the exact thing I did - that it must be good or they wouldn't brag about it. If they don't pull stunts like that, they probably should. A carbon fiber gas tank on that new car? I'm sold!

I think it must be time for me to get to bed. The telltale sign is that I'm swearing at inanimate objects. This time some maccaroni that fell on the floor. I know it did it on purpose. I got home from the gym tonight and thought it was too late to eat anything. After an hour elapsed I decided I was starving and that I needed something I could whip up quickly, hence the mac & cheese. Now I'm thinking I should probably just put it in the frig and not eat any tonight. But I have to have some while it's fresh and warm don't I? I'm too exhausted for such dilemmas.

NFL Week 1

I'm going to start off with a quick couple comments on college football despite the title and say that the Cougs have to have the worst defense in division 1. They have looked so bad these first two weeks that I have a hard time imagining they will win a game this year. I don't know if Paul Wulff is entirely to blame or even mostly to blame, but unless there are drastic changes I think WSU will be coach shopping again this offseason.

It is a big relief to see the Huskies finally put a notch in the win column, even if it was against a horribly overmatched Idaho team. Based on what I've seen in the 2 games so far it is hard to predict how this season will go, but at least it's encouraging. And my preseason prediction that they will win more games than last year has already been fulfilled. Idaho exposed a very questionable secondary and I have a feeling that USC will thoroughly exploit it next week. It could be a world class beating, but then again SC has played down to their competition a lot the last few years, even having a close game with the Dawgs last year so you never know. But you usually do. Either way, I see a lot of improvement and am really hoping for a .500 season.

On to the NFL. I don't know if Hasselbeck is rusty or if the Brett Favre mania has gone to his head and he decided that the best course of action is to make a lot of questionable throws and try to squeeze the ball into double coverage. Whatever the reason, against a team other than the hapless Rams, it will cost the Hawks dearly. I hope he has that out of his system. The running game was sporadically successful and hopefully that is a sign of better things to come as the linemen become more familiar with the zone blocking scheme. I still think that we would be best served by trading Julius Jones and letting Justin Forsett start. Forsett reminds me of Ahman Green when he was in Seattle, minus the fumbles. I think that given the opportunity he could be a big time player. Jones, for lack of a better word, is just a pu$$y out there making a half hearted effort, trying not to get hurt. Let the Forsett era begin. If we could get a 2nd round pick for Jones it would be a steal.

I have a man crush on Steven Jackson. I think he is the most versatile back since Walter Payton, it's just a shame he's stuck on such a bad team where much of his talent is wasted. It's like Barry Sanders wasting away in Detroit. Jackson is just an amazing athlete though. He's big and strong enough to run over guys, quick enough to juke guys, fast enough to outrun guys, plus he has good enough hands to be the Rams' best WR and he does an admirable job of blocking. I don't know what it would take to wrestle him away from the Rams, but I would give up a lot for him. Imagine what he could do with the Seahawks.

The Bills world class choke job on national tv was Bengal-esque, a term growing increasingly more appropriate by the day. It would have been even more crushing had I not seen it coming. It was truly masterful the way they toyed with me - holding on until I really started believing they could pull it off before dashing my hopes in a most humiliating fashion. I just can't believe Leodis McKelvin fumbled that kickoff return. Why he wasn't holding on to the ball with both hands I'll never know.

Speaking of the Bungles, that is one of the most impressive giveaways I've ever seen. That being said, maybe that's the way Orton drew up the play. I've said it before and I'll say it again: this is the year of Kyle Orton. He finally has some decent receivers to throw to, he finally has the starting job outright without having to look over his shoulder, and he finally has a quality quarterback coach. I think he'll make a run at the Pro Bowl. He may not be the prototypical big, strong armed QB, but he's got good accuracy and he makes good decisions. This is the right time and right situation for him. I just hope the rest of the team sucks enough that the Seahawks can get a good 1st round pick from them next year.

I already can't wait for next week.

I Hate Meetings

I really hate them. I spend most of my time in meetings thinking about how much work I have to do and wishing I was back at my desk getting it done. That's why I was dreading my 4 hours of meetings scheduled for today. That's pushing the limit allowed by the Geneva Convention. We don't even subject the detainees at Guantanamo to that. Luckily one of the meetings got canceled this morning and I was left with an hour long Risk Management Committee meeting, which luckily is only scheduled quarterly, and a mind numbing 2 hour conference call/web meeting on the new and improved electronic filing system. If someone were to invent a boredometer, it would have been registering off the charts. This was compounded by the following factors:

1. I'm already a little tired because the Chuckman kept me up later than I should have watching two of the greatest choke jobs in NFL history followed by some Mario Kart where an unusually strong showing by yours truly heaped shame on the Chuckman household for generations to come.

2. The meeting was directly following lunch and, full of BBQ pork and hot links from the Hole in the Wall BBQ (which, contrary to reports I had received, was not as tasty as Mad Oven), I was nearly comatose.

3. One inconsiderate person didn't mute her phone or at the very least move the microphone from her headset away from her mouth a little and I had to listen to 2 hours of heavy breathing. I found this quite troubling and it was quite difficult to focus on the topic at hand.

4. Did I mention it was about filing? I challenge anyone to listen to 2 hours of discussion on the topic of electronic filing without slipping into a catatonic state.

The Risk Management meeting by contrast was riveting. At least it was in a corner conference room up on the 47th floor so there was a hell of a nice view. All the same, having to discuss, among other things, email comments regarding safety concerns from building employees was not an ideal time. Several had nothing to do with safety or risk management and were more maintenance issues and it didn't take long before they all just sounded like whiny complaints. What most surprised me though were the number of emails asking what are we going to do about the swine flu? Dear God, save us all from the impending pandemic!!!!! [note: artistic license may have been taken]. Well, apparently broadcast emails to the entire company are not an effective means of communication since one of those was just recently sent out addressing this very concern and telling one and all that flu shots will be available free of charge to all employees. But the primary point to all of this is that, having seen the filth that some of the slovenly employees will leave behind in the restrooms and kitchens for somebody else to clean up, I can't help thinking that maybe it's a good thing for the malady formerly known as the swine flu to cull the herd a bit. I feel like we could do without a few of the more disgusting folks with deplorable hygiene. Simply washing your hands regularly, particularly if you've been out in public, and maintaining some modicum of cleanliness will go a long way toward halting the spread of contagions. And it will halt the desire for me to savagely beat individuals who are seemingly incapable of cleaning up after themselves. That being said, I better stop now before this transforms from a mini rant into a full blown rant. So maybe the occasional pandemic isn't so bad.

I think I have to stop paying attention to Shelvis though. With each passing day it becomes more plausible that the pandemic scare is a fabrication of the government to distract us from issues like the economy and pushing through the half baked health care plan. I haven't slipped into full blown paranoia yet and started building a bunker in the woods somewhere, stock piling it with guns & ammunition for when I inevitably have to move off the grid. It does scare me though when thoughts like, "maybe he's onto something" inadvertently creep into my head. I'd like to think that when society collapses, I'm going down with the ship. I haven't seen Road Warrior, but I've seen enough to know I don't want to live in a post appocalyptic world. Every time a spin on the wheel of panic comes up swine flu though, the conspiracy theories sound a little less crazy. So please, before I start getting fitted for tin foil hats, do the needful and bring me back to reality.

Thus ends another rambling, incoherent mess courtesy of Craw Fu.

The End Is Near

Last night I began to experience a mildly upset stomach, and as of this morning things have not returned to normal. There is only one possible explanation for this malady - swine flu. EVERYBODY PANIC! It was a good run but everything must come to an end. I will see some of you in the afterlife, to the remainder of you - happy trails. I assume that before Monday I will be gone.

Predrag Drobnjak

I stopped watching the NBA in 1999 when they went on strike. Team play had been sliding for years as individuals turned into showboats in the hopes of being on the Sportscenter highlight reel. As high schoolers began making NBA rosters, the quality of play in general had diminished significantly. Players like Shawn Kemp were having enough children to have their own reality show, almost as many as misguided religious zealots who apparently believe in eugenics (sorry, I'm getting off track) Worst of all, the league had turned into a gang of ignorant thugs, most notably the Portland Jail Blazers.

Despite all this, the final nail in the coffin didn't come until 2005 when the last likeable player left the league - Predrag Drobnjak. It wasn't his unparalleled ball handling skills that drew me in. Nor was it his teamwork, highlight real dunks, or shooting skills. What made me a fan was his smack talk generator - cleverly dubbed drobnsmack. I love telling people, "I laugh out loud at your abilities!" or, "tonight your uniform will be wet with tears of sadness." The opportunity has not yet arisen for me to use, "your skills smells like rotten soup" but I never tire of my all time favorite taunt, courtesy of the mad Montenegrin, "hey fancy man, the dance studio is that way!" Nothing will take the wind out of the sails of an opponent quite like that.

Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov

Meet Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov. The man thought to have the longest name in Norway. It is not mentioned in the article, but I believe he's still available. Ladies, snap this fine gentleman up before it's too late. A big fan of television and movies, most notably Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, he kept adding more and more names into the mix to see what was legally allowable. Others may collect artwork, baseball cards, or other rarities. This man collects names. And chins. It's obscured by the beard, but I can tell he's got at least two there.

And so it is that Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov gets the coveted Craw Fu salute for gaining international recognition while having no apparent marketable skills. That's not as easy a task as you might think.

Ah, Bremerton

The Kitsap (formerly Bremerton) Sun recently provided the world with not just one, but two fascinating and thought provoking articles recently.

Our first adventure begins on Little Valley Road, which admittedly is in Poulsbo not Bremerton, but it's close enough for government work. It seems that some repo men came to repossess a truck but failed to notice that the owner was inside at the time they began towing it away. Witnessing the event and jumping to the conclusion that his brother was being kidnapped, our hero leapt into action, hopped into his own truck in hot pursuit, and hit the tow truck. I can only hope my own brother would do the same for me.

From there we progress to the police being called to investigate reports of three naked men urinating on cars. Now this is not entirely newsworthy, at least not by Bremerton standards but what makes this story special is this:

Witnesses said one was completely naked, one wasn’t wearing any pants and they
couldn’t see the third man because the other two were on top of him, they said.
The witnesses said they heard somebody yell “return of the Jedi” while the three
were naked and entwined.

Why would three men in, as one commenter so eloquently put it, naked, pants-less or in a quantum state of attire, shout a movie name for no apparent reason? Why, to add hilarity to the whole situation of course as well as provide fodder for some fantastic comments, my favorite being: "I find your lack of pants disturbing."

You gotta love Bremerton.

Useful Trivia!

Unlike most of my trivia, this is actually useful!

Cussing Is Good for You: A study by psychology researchers at Britain's Keele University in July showed that people who swear in response to a danger are better able to endure pain than those who use milder language.

International Bacon Day

Saturday September 5th (tomorrow) is International Bacon Day. Don't forget to celebrate with your favorite pork product, possibly a bacon explosion. I still have to try one of thse some day. Thank you for the Detroit Free Press for reminding everyone. Who says that jounalistic integrity is a thing of the past?

Sleeping Like A Baby

I have been thinking about the phrase 'sleeping like a baby' lately. It's current usage in society seems pretty inappropriate and inaccurate. Everyone I know with a baby will not hesitate to tell me that they haven't slept well in months because the baby keeps them up all night. There's nothing restful or desirable about that. I think I actually do sleep like a baby and that it's time to change the meaning of the phrase to more accurately describe sleeping habits. Like a baby, I regularly wake up several times during the night - often crying and wishing I had a nipple to suck on.

The problem then becomes that by redefining the meaning of 'sleeping like a baby' we are left without an accurate cliche to describe a deep restful sleep. Sleeping like a log doesn't really work since logs are not know to have a great deal of REM sleep, which experts say is necessary for a restorative rest. Putting a great deal of thought into who or what I regularly see getting a deep sleep, my mind turns to all of the indigent population that I frequently see passed out drunk and resting so peacefully that it is often difficult to arouse them from their slumber. Just look here. And so I propose the phrase 'sleeping like a hobo'. I am open to other suggestions though.

Monkeys Are Metallica Fans, Scientists Say

The good people at the University of Wisconsin - Madison have been keeping up their tradition of exemplary contributions to humanity by researching the preferred playlists of primates. It turns out our closest animal relatives are huge fans of Metallica, although they expressed concern that the band has sold out after cutting their hair. They are so like us. As it turns out heavy metal soothes the jangled nerves of these beasts rather than agitating them as some researchers thought it would. I for one am glad to see that they have respectable musical tastes and am considering buying a pet monkey and teaching it to play Guitar Hero.

No mention was made on how they felt about The Monkeys although it is safe to assume that primates don't consider them a 'real' band.

Tying this into the previous Big Foot quote, I now believe the correct formula for catching Big Foot is to have a young, bikini clad Eastern European girl blasting Metallica out in the wilderness. Throw in some beef jerkey and I'll find one in no time.

Time For The 60's To Die

With all of the nostalgia surrounding the 40th anniversary of Woodstock, I found as essay titled What a Long, Strange, Thoroughly Obnoxious Trip It's Been reflecting on the 60's and what the baby boomer generation has done for the world that paints things in a little different light. This really nails the pretentious, self aggrandizing decade far more eloquently than I ever could have and embodies how I feel about aging hippies constantly telling the world how great they are. But enough of my yakkin'. I'll just steal the one paragraph which I feel sums it up the best.

Such is the real legacy of the 60s, as filtered through the haze of bong
smoke still looked back on with fondness by many of those who were there: It
introduced the most narcissistic, self-congratulatory, self-indulgent generation
this country has ever seen. A group of people political satirist Christopher
Buckley jokingly calls "The Un-greatest Generation."

Quote of the Day!

"The dog must have smelled a tasty dinner in his pants."

It's not every day you come across a quote of this calibur from a reputable news source, in this case the MetroWest Daily News in Framingham, MA. I seem to remember this exact same plot in a Scooby Doo episode. It even ended the same way: I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for that meddling dog!

Big Foot

....is going to have to change his name to Big Perv after getting caught spying on a Polish girl in a bikini according to this article. On the heels of this news, I fully expect all future Yeti expeditions to include scantily clad nubile women. And after all, isn't that the way it should be? Big Foot needs love too. And he's got nothing else to do but roam the wilderness.

The one thing to consider is that girls in this country may not be effective bait for old Big Foot. Eastern European women have a reputation as being a bit hairy and I assume Big Foot digs that.