Thursday, April 23, 2009

Chew More Gum

An exciting new study was released today showing that students who chew gum in class score 3% higher on their math tests than their gumless classmates. It is believed that chewing gum reduces stress as the students were found to have lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol. This completely unbiased study was funded by the Wrigley Science Institute.

In a related study, the Hershey's Department of Health and Well Being announced findings that eating large quantities of dark chocolate will make you more attractive to the opposite sex and the Pepsi Truth Institute found that copious amounts of carbonated beverages prolong erections in men and increase breast size in women.
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