Thursday, June 04, 2009

Dumb People

Why are dumb people the loudest? I haven't done any formal research into the subject, however, based upon anecdotal evidence, the level of speaking volume seems to be inversely proportional to the intellect of the speaking individual. This occurred to me a few nights ago when a very noisy family seated behind me at the Mariner game repeatedly uttered such gems as, "it's crowdeder over there."

And apart from this one specific observation, consider the disparity in decibel level between a professional wrestling match and a Pulitzer prize ceremony. Or who is more likely to be seen shouting, "woooo" at the top of his lungs, a Nobel laureate or a NASCAR fan? Which get's me off on a momentary tangent: if there is one word I would like to see stricken from the English language it is 'woo'. Nothing else quite so poignantly declares to the world that you are an idiot like screaming 'woo'. And please feel free to punch the next person you hear that from. Hard.

Back to the issue at hand. Is this due to a malfunction filter - the part of the brain that allows you to think about what you say before you actually say it? Are those with lower IQ's more likely to find themselves in noisy environs which effect their hearing and they just don't know how loud they are? Have they evolved enough socially that they are unconcerned about the opinions of others to the extent that they have no qualms about shouting, "git er done!"

Whatever the reason, I propose that someone invent a device that can be distributed in trailer parks nationwide which, when affixed, will not only lower the volume by a minimum of 25% (it should be adjustable), but turn all words into the muffled trombone sound made by any adult in a Peanuts cartoon. "Wha wha wha wha wha." I see no down side in this solution and the sooner it is implemented, the better.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by the Craw Fu Corporation - provider of equitable solutions to the world's problems.
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