Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Urban Clown

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the urban clown. After years of seeing increasingly ridiculous "gangsta" fashion, it recently hit me, these guys look like clowns. Dressed in way oversized clothes that are more garish that would be tolerated by even the most flamboyant of homosexuals, crooked hats, and ugly jewelry, these posers are the urban equivalent of circus clowns. Unfortunately for the urban clown, he is categorized as unintentionally humorous and typically doesn't realize he is a joke.

There are other subtle differences between the two: for example, while circus clowns favor spotted and striped patterns, often wearing clothes with the appearance of being made from a Twister board, the urban clown eschews these traditional styles in favor of inane slogans emblazoned on every available inch of stitching with silver or gold goth font. One of the trademarks of the circus clown is the oversized red nose, while the urban clown opts for gold teeth, or "grills" in the parlance of our time. The circus clown can typically be seen strutting in oversized, floppy shoes while the urban clown is typically seen in oversized, untied sneakers. The circus clown holds up his oversized pants with colorful suspenders, but the urban clown prefers to hold up his ill fitting pants with one hand - leading to the unfortunate side effect of only having one remaining hand free with which to 'backhand his bitches' or aim is 'gat'. The circus clown is topped with an unkempt red wig, while the urban clown prefers to adorn his poorly maintained coiffure with a baseball cap covered in stickers or tags, meticulously balanced crookedly to maintain the appearance of having a learning disability, more similar to noted baseball clown Max Patkin than your traditional circus clown. Finally, the transportation of choice for the circus clown is a small car packed with as many other clowns as possible, while the urban clown is more likely to be seen in a SUV plated with as much chrome as the clown could afford and riding on the biggest wheels that could by purchased.

So the next time you see an urban clown, after you stop laughing, be sure to thank them for bringing laughter to the world by carrying on the proud clown tradition - the lastest incarnation in a tradition dating back to the court jesters of medievel times. Thanks to them, the world will never be without fools.
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