Friday, January 04, 2013

Johnny Manziel

I hate the nickname 'Johnny football'. I hate it so much.  I have nothing against Johnny Manziel or his ability, I just hate the nickname. It is so completely devoid of any creativity or panache that it sounds like something a junior high kid would have come up with.  Like calling Bill Gates 'Billy computers' or maybe calling John Glenn 'Johnny space'. It's just uninventive and stupid.  Hell, even the mob comes up with better nicknames for people like 'Micky glasses' or 'Tommy the hat' (assuming Tommy regularly wears a hat). I'm sure Chris Berman rolls over in his grave every time he hears it.  And I know what you're thinking: Chris Berman isn't dead. Well, since he hasn't used his authority to put an end to this, he's dead to me. 

But I digress.  My point is that announcers should be ashamed of themselves for saying it. Sure, many of them did not get where they are based upon their intellect or eloquence- a fact I'm reminded of every time I hear the term 'trickeration' (which I think I may hate even more) or anything that comes out of the mouth of Shannon Sharpe (who sounds eerily reminiscent of Mushmouth from the Cosby Kids). Regardless, they are technically journalists and should have some baseline standard that they should strive to remain above. Not to mention that most of the former players have college degrees and really should be capable of conversing above an 8th grade level.  On the other hand, I've listened to sports radio and am aware of the fact that many callers are vitriolic mouth breathers and/or high functioning people with mental and social disorders, so it's entirely possible that broadcasters intentionally dumb down their broadcasts to appeal to the lowest common denominator.  I think that's a little optimistic though.

Why I bring this up now is that I'm currently watching the Cotton Bowl and the announcing crew is churning it out rapid fire, like they are getting a commission for every mention of 'Johnny football' (brought to you by Carl's Jr!) and it is truly driving me crazy. Throw in the fact that Petros Papadakis, one of my most hated announcers, is also on the broadcast crew and it is nearly the perfect storm.  I don't think I'm going to be able to finish watching the game. And I'm not sure I'll ever be able to watch another Johnny Manziel game in my lifetime, and God forbid he ever faces off against Tim Tebow, I think my head might just explode.  And since this game is getting out of hand, and that Boardwalk Empire blu ray that Netflix was kind enough to send me is looking pretty enticing over there on the shelf, I think I'm done for the night here. Best of luck to Johnny 'the Man among boys' Manziel. I'm not one to criticize without offering an alternative.  Actually, sometimes I am, just not tonight.

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