Sunday, June 17, 2012

Antisocial Network

Facebook has been in the news a lot lately with their IPO and a lot of people are hoping it will fail.  That solidifies my belief that it's time for someone to create an antisocial network.  The hateful, shut ins, and the unlikeable need something to waste their time too.  It can't all be spent in a cabin in the woods writing a manifesto. 

For starters, instead of a friends list you would have an enemies list.  Personally, I already have an enemies list as I'm sure that all the antisocials do, and having a convenient online place to maintain such a list and keep track of schemes would be very convenient.  Not to mention what a valuable resource it would be for vengeful plans - who knows what devious plans are out there than I haven't thought of.

Next order of business, there would be no 'like' button.  Only a dislike button.  One of the great irritations for me on Facebook is the inability to dislike things.  Negative feedback is every bit as valuable as positive feedback, more important some might say.  Solely having positive feedback is disingenuous.  It smacks of the 'everyone is special' and 'everyone's a winner' awards that are pedaled to the youth today.  In the real world, people dislike things.

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty tired of companies telling me to like them.  Nobody likes Comcast.  And nobody is a fan of Justin Bieber.  Wouldn't you much rather hate them?  You'll be able to rant and bad mouth everything you dislike and disapprove of once I roll out my antisocial network.  I've come up with a name already.  Since it will be, in many ways, the opposite of Facebook, I plan to call it Assbook.  Particularly fitting since a majority of users will, in fact, be jackasses.  Anyone who has ever been on an internet message board or forum knows that 90% of the population are jackasses when they are anonymous, so this will be huge. 

I know what you're thinking, won't I be sued by Facebook if I use that name?  Luckily I have legal precedent on my side.  The South Butt was able to fend off a copyright infringement suit from North Face. Their best hope is to buy me out, and I won't be cheap.  Just picking a number out of the air I'm going for $11 billion.  I will use that money to buy the most comfortable chair money can buy and the largest television in the free world.  And probably a pizza.

What makes me think I can overtake Facebook if Google couldn't?  Don't worry, I have a plan.  Facebook's primary competitive advantage is that they have so many users - if you want to switch to another network, you have to convince your friends to  switch as well or you're wasting your time.  The key is to be a social network aggregator.  If you can access Facebook, Twitter, Google +, LinkedIn, and any other networks that come along all from one convenient location, you'll be unstoppable.  That's where Assbook comes in, it will be your one stop shopping web site.  And my 2 loyal readers will get in on the ground floor.
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