Hank Scorpio

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and unquestionably my favorite Simpsons character that only appeared in one episode is Hank Scorpio. He was the Bond-esque supervillain in the episode You Only Move Twice.

First off, the idea of a very affable supervillain is just funny to begin with, but more than that, everything about him and that episode is really funny. Albert Brooks really did an outstanding job as the voice of Hank Scorpio. He is full of great lines. Whether it's, "did you ever see a man say goodbye to a shoe before?" Or, "if you want to kill somebody on your way out, it would really help me out a lot." He is just hilarious throughout the episode.

But it's not just the lines either. When Homer is looking for some sugar for his coffee and asks Hank if he has any, Hank pulls a handful of loose sugar from his pockets and hands it to Homer before asking, "do you need any cream?" That, folks, is comedy.


And it's not just Hank that's hilarious. It is the most cromulent episode of season 8. There is a lot of subtle humor in this one. I don't know why, but I find it really funny that when the Simpsons move to Cyprus Creek, their new house is on Maple Systems Road. Maybe it's just that it's so ridiculous, but that cracks me up every time. As does this little exchange:


Hank Scorpio: You will notice, my new best friend, that we are pretty casual around here.
Homer: Yes, sir. I will notice that. Very casual, Mr. Scorpion.
Hank: Don't call me that. It's Mr. Scorpio, but don't call me that either. Call me Hank!


And then there's this little gem:


Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Hank: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There.
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
Hank: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district.
Hank: That's right.
Hank: Uh, Homer, one second. I gotta take care of this. Very important. Be right back.
Homer: Fine.
[Hank's map of the world reveals a giant viewscreen, on which
appears the UN staff]
Hank: Good afternoon, gentlemen. This is Scorpio. I have the Doomsday Device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold or you'll face the consequences. And to prove I'm not bluffing, watch this.
[activates a remote]
[an explosion occurs near the UN building]
Man 1: Oh, my God, the 59th Street bridge!
Man 2: Maybe it just collapsed on its own.
Man 1: We can't take that chance.
Man 2: You always say that. I want to take a chance.
Hank: Collapsed on its own? You, sh... You have 72 hours. See ya. [to Homer] Back to the hammocks, my friend. You know, there's a little place called Mary Ann's Hammocks. The nice thing about that place is Mary Ann gets in the hammock with you. I'm just kidding.
Homer: Oh.
Hank: You know who invented the hammock, Homer?
Homer: No.
Hank: That's something for you to do. Find that out.


If you haven't seen that episode, you need to as soon as possible. Unfortunately I can't seem to find any video clips online. But I did find this list of all the one time characters. The only other one I can think of that comes close is Cecil Terwilliger - Sideshow Bob's brother - played by David Hyde Pierce. Another great episode. Check that one out too.