The Costco Phenomenon

I really should have known better than to go to Costco on a Saturday afternoon, but I needed some things, and then again, there really never is a good time to go to the Kirkland store. I also should have known better than to go there when I'm fatigued from not getting enough sleep all week. I'm always more impatient and grumpier than usual when I'm tired.

I immediately knew I was in for some trouble when a couple of old ladies were walking down the very middle of the lane in the parking lot so I couldn't get by. I got within 5 feet of them before they noticed I was there. In hind sight, I should have honked and scared the bejesus out of them, but I wasn't quite that agitated yet.

Now it wasn't particularly crowded in there on this day. I've seen it way more crowded in the past. But it was chock full of people who walked around not looking where they were going, and people who stood there blocking entire aisles. It really irritates me to no end. I don't know what it is about Costco that has the effect on some people of making them act like overstimulated children who completely lose all awareness of their surroundings, but every time I go there, there are no shortage of people who are so completely awestruck that they don't know there is a world outside their minds anymore.

Knowing this, I always mentally prepare myself for such encounters, but they were happening in such an abundance this time that I actually thought to myself at one point, "I've got to get out of here or I'm going to come to blows with somebody." I still vividly remember the person who pushed me over the edge. There was an employee standing harmlessly on the side of an aisle - until I got about 5 feet away - at which point she decided to walk out into the middle of the aisle so I couldn't get around, and tilted her head back and chugged down the last half of her drink. Why she couldn't have done that from her original position will forever remain a mystery to me. What I do know is that I hope that grave misfortune befalls her for her transgression. For such an offense, she deserves nothing less than becoming violently ill for a minimum of 24 hours.

The good times didn't end there however. Once I had raced to the front and gotten in the shortest line, I quickly noticed that this line wasn't moving. By the time I realized that they were holding up everyone so that the person at the front of the line could run back to the meat department to pick up something she had forgotten, the had opened up a new line 2 aisles over. As quickly as I could, I jumped ship to the new line. Being the second person in line, with the person in front of me having not too many items, I thought for sure that I would now be swiftly moving out. Once again I had judged incorrectly. The cashier began a debate with the customer regarding whether or not he could purchase items from Costco using his room mates card. I stood mouth agape in disbelief as I heard the customer insist that he could call his room mate and tell the cashier that he had authorized him to use his card. It doesn't matter insisted the cashier, the cards are non-transferable. Mercifully, this only lasted 2 or 3 minutes before the cashier finally relented with a warning of don't do it again.

Finally, my items paid for, I made it back to my car and escaped with all haste. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I had forgotten something. At that point, there was nothing in the world that was going to get me to return though, so that will have to wait until another time. I think maybe next time I'll check out the Woodinville Costco and see if it's any better.

Incidentally, I've been wishing for a while now that Costco would offer oil changes. As long as I'm going to be there for 30-45 minutes anyway, I might as well get my oil changed while I'm there. I keep meaning to stop by the customer service desk and recommend that, but by the time I get through the checkout line and over by the customer service desk, I'm always so anxious to leave that I never want to stop for any reason. Maybe someone else will be kind enough to recommend that to their local Costco (hint, hint).