Monday, January 28, 2008

No Hope

It's official, I'm undateable. I finally broke down and went to eharmony and after spending half an hour answering questions found out that they can't match me with anyone. I know that this news would turn most people into serial killers - as a matter of fact, I believe that's how the Green River Killer got started - but I resolve to prove them wrong. And then I'll kill every last one of those rat bastards working for eharmony.

So at this point my only recourse is to turn to strippers and prostitutes. Sure it has it's down sides - communicable diseases, toothless crack whores, etc. But then again, I think it might actually be cheaper than traditional dating and I won't have to go see any chick flicks. Seems like a fair trade off.

If that doesn't work out, I'll have to mail order a bride. I'll have to do my research though, I don't know whether it's preferable to get one from Southeast Asia or a former eastern block country. I could see myself with a sultry latin woman - eating meals comprised of different combinations of cheese and tortillas thrice daily - except that I haven't seen any latin bride catalogues or web sites.
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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

eHarmony states that for 20%, or 1 in 5 respondents, they are not able to predict with whom the user would best be matched. Such respondents are told that they do not fit "rigid profiles" of personality type.

Stolen with pride from Wikipedia.....

It's either that or you're currently detected as depressed, which would exclude you from the search results as well.

Just in the odd case it's cause you're a guy like me, did you make sure you read all the questions and answered them right? I noticed that they sometimes changed the position of the button you clicked on for strongly agree vs. strongly disagree. Sometimes a hundred questions in, it's hard to read stuff like that.....

7:52 AM
W&MGrad said...

Don't listen to Pat. Here's how to get eHarmony matches. Pay them money. Trust me, I either had no matches (when I did the free stuff) or crappy matches (when I paid for one month) but as soon as I paid them for 6 months, I got Pat.

Okay, maybe that isn't a BIG step from what I was getting at one month (JUST KIDDING!), but you see what I'm sayin'

9:35 AM
Unknown said...

I got the whole 1 in 5 response, as best as I can remember pretty close to exactly what the first paragraph of Pat's comment says.

And they never even presented me with the opportunity to pay them money. I just created an account and answered their questions and they told me to go away.

And while you don't end up 35 and single without facing a fair amount of rejection, this is a whole new level of rejection I hadn't prepared for. It's kind of funny really.

12:42 PM
Anonymous said...

The problem with personality tests is that they change. One day when you're feeling good and have a lot of energy, see if you can't take the test and get accepted this time.

Like I say, it's also possible you misread some questions and the inconsistancy checker bopped you out, and has nothing to do with you other than you misread the question.

12:49 PM
Lyndsay said...

There has got to be something wrong with there test. I'm sure there is a girl out there that it just perfect for you. Maybe check another online matching site. I can't remember the name of it, but there is one out there that specifically advertises against Eharmony for the reason that they reject some people. If at first you don't succeed try, try, try again!

4:50 PM

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