Stock Tips

With the NYSE taking a roller coaster ride to zero, possibly lower, I thought it was time to offer my stock tips. In times like these, the stocks you can count on are the old favorites: Colt, Smith & Wesson, Winchester, you see where this is going. With no place remaining to invest money, the general population will return to hiding cash under their mattresses, in the attic, hidden compartments in their car, and possibly the oldest method - keistering whatever valuables they've amassed (and will fit).

Once society reaches this state, the strong will take from the weak. With no money remaining to pay a police force, firearms will be the only real currency. At this juncture, the only remaining profitable companies will be the firearms manufacturers, and the ammunition manufacturers too obviously. So grab whatever cash you've got left in your IRA, stockpile enough ammo to make David Koresh proud, build an isolated cabin in the woods, and with whatever remains purchase as many remaining shares of Glock and Walther as you can get your hands on. From there you can comfortably watch the world destroy itself knowing your stash is safe.

The good news is that the NYSE is not open Monday and therefore will not drop any until Tuesday. That gives you one extra day to get your affairs in order.