How Bad Are The Mariners?

They are so bad that they are now being made fun of in The Onion. And after watching yesterday's game and trying in vain to wrap my head around the mystery of how it is that we have a DH with a .222 average and no power batting in the #3 slot, not to mention making $8.5 million and starting every day, and how it is that a guy who has no business being on a major league roster is making $15.5 million a year for us (Richie Sexson), I came across this:

June 12, 2008
Mariners Fire Whiffing Coach

SEATTLE—Claiming that Mariners whiffers have not been swinging wildly or
embarrassingly enough, GM Bill Bavasi fired team whiffing coach Jeff Pentland
Monday. "Our guys have simply forgotten the basics—flailing, guessing, just
standing there like a statue as a perfect pitch comes sailing right over the
plate," Bavasi said. "Sure, we've excelled in areas such as hitting soft fly
balls directly to the left-fielder and grounding weakly into double plays, but
that only gets you so far. We need to get to a point where our team is able to
whiff with the game on the line." Bavasi, however, once again reserved heavy
praise for the team's sucking coach.

That being said, I actually feel bad for Richie, he seems like a likable guy, he just shouldn't be playing. And I still can't figure out how it was the Jeff Pentland ended up being the one thrown under the bus when he's got lousy players to deal with. Bavasi and McClaren should both be out of here. And the thing that has been causing me to lose sleep lately is that Vidro has been getting enough at bats to be on pace to trigger a vesting clause in his contract which would require us to keep him on the roster for another year! Why in the world is he still playing?

It should be common knowledge by now that I can't stand Bill Bavasi. Since it has become apparent that no amount of ruining the team will result in his firing, I am advocating that fans start bringing 'Kill Bill' signs to the ballpark. And I was going to register the Kill Bill URL, but it turns out some guy named Tarantino beat me to it. Don't let that deter you though, we need to get the Kill Bill campaign in full swing immediately.