Pissing Contest

Many times I've heard the term 'pissing contest', always used in a figurative sense. I think I'd like to literally be involved in a pissing contest some time. I think the contest would have to take place from a high altitude - maybe the Space Needle - and the champion would be crowned based on duration. I strongly believe that if I downed about 44 ounces of coffee, I could go toe to toe with anyone. And the going toe to toe would be figurative, not literal.

And in a round about way, that brings me to one of my pet peeves. People who say literally but use it in a figurative sense. Every time I hear something along the lines of, "I was literally bored to death" I want to punch the person saying it. That's unforgivable.

I think that there should be some sort of grammar hit squad. They would roam the countryside administering beatings to whomever committed such atrocities. Putting z's in words (for example, saying something like "fo shizzle") would result in the death penalty. This grammar hit squad will be the primary platform should I ever run for president. Vote Scott.