Blind Painter

I don't know what to say about this other than it is simply amazing. A blind painter - not just blind, but born without eyes so he has never seen a day in his life - is able to create some pretty good paintings. He's a far better painter than I ever could be. Esfef Armagan has had no formal training and developed his own unique techniques. He relies on feedback from people who can see, and the results are quite impressive. It's hard for me to believe that something like this is possible, but there it is.

World's Oldest Joke

After years of gruelling research and backbreaking labor, researchers have finally uncovered the world's oldest joke, and surprisingly enough it doesn't involve a man walking into a bar. 1900 BC was a good year for a lot of reasons. Or so I imagine, I don't really know any of the reasons. What I do know is that it was the year comedy was born. It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap." Maybe something was lost in translation, but somehow the humorous part of that joke was lost on me. Perhaps that's what took researchers so long - I imagine there were heated debates about whether or not that was actually a joke or not. Yes, comedy has come a long way since then, but I have still been unable to determine when high brow humor was invented. Not until much later I imagine. But this reminds me of an age old question I've struggled with for a long time. If you had the option of hearing a joke so funny that you would die of laughter, would you want to hear it? The more I think about it, the more I think I would want to hear it because it would be better to die of laughter than to die of curiosity.

Forest Overcrowding

If you ever thought that fighting forest fires led to them absorbing less carbon dioxide from the environment, then you are smarter than the average scientist. New research suggests that extinguishing forest fires leads to thicker underbrush. This thicker underbrush ends up competing for resources with the larger trees effectively choking them out. The larger trees end up with stunted growth or die, resulting in forests full of smaller trees.

So I guess in the long run, we're better off just saving the resources and manpower to fight forest fires, and simply let them burn off all of the underbrush. I like this plan in particular because easier. Yes, I'm delighted when laziness turns out to be the best solution to one of life's problems. Often times there is brilliance in simplicity. And I also believe that the planet got along just fine without human intervention for a long time and this is just more evidence that we should take a more hands off approach to the environment. The earth is incredibly resilient and can take care of itself.

Meet The Seagals

No real commentary here, this picture is just provided as a public service. Every year I have to pick a favorite, and since my favorites from years past are all gone it's time to pick a new one. After a great deal of research, I've come to the decision that this year it is Gena despite the fact that she attended WSU. It was an agonizing decision and I'd like to offer a heartfelt apology to all of the other ladies. Actually, upon further review I think I'm going to change to Marianne. In addition to being a UW grad, she is very short and to the point in all her descriptions of herself, I admire her brevity. The award for most interesting goes to Shelly though, who races motorcycles in her spare time.

Necklaces

I was looking at an unusual ornament on a woman's necklace today when I suddenly became concerned that she thought I was staring at her cleavage. I quickly averted my gaze, but then got to thinking, maybe that's why women wear necklaces. The magic of gravity tends to turn a necklace into an arrow of sorts pointing directly at the aforementioned cleavage. Is it possible that this has been the intent all along? A way for women to subtly direct your attention downward? Is it possible that it is entirely subliminal on their part? When this occurred to me today, I was absolutely shocked that I had never considered this before. Perhaps it is this very obliviousness (I'm not sure I didn't just make that word up) which has resulted in my perpetual singletude (I'm pretty sure I did make that one up). But if the light is finally starting to turn on, then there is hope for me yet. Not much, but a faint glow at the end of a very long tunnel.

Bon Odori

After the trials and ultimate triumph with my brakes, I headed out to the Bon Odori. It's always at the same time of year as Seafair, and I guess I don't really know why I like going except that when I was a kid my Grandparents always took me. I think it's part nostalgia, and it's also that I enjoy seeing the taiko drums, dancing, Japanese people in traditional attire, and of course the good food. I really like somen noodles. This year I also realized that I like feeling tall for a change, it's quite a novelty.

I usually go to the event in downtown Seattle, but this year I headed down to Auburn to the White River Bhuddist Temple. It's a little smaller gathering, but it was nice not to have to deal with the crowds. I noticed that there aren't many people my age at the Bon Odori. It's mostly older people and kids. I don't remember it being that way in years past, but maybe that's just Auburn. I will say though that there were tons of adorable young kids running around in their kimonos this year. I think if I ever have kids I want to have a Japanese kid because they are just so cute. I've heard that there is some DNA or something involved that may prevent this, but maybe that's just one more sign that I'm not meant to be a parent. Anyway, it was a good time and even though it's over this year, remember this next year and maybe I'll see you there.

New Brakes

They say that there is a certain amount of satisfaction to be had in doing something yourself. Well, after changing my brake pads this weekend, I realized that I would have taken more satisfaction out of paying someone else to change them for me while I sipped on a cup of coffee and watched tv. I've never been fond of auto maintenance or repair, in large part because of my aversion to getting dirty, but decided to undertake this but of repair. I've changed brakes before and remembered that changing drum brakes is a pain, but had it in the back of my head that changing disc brakes wasn't too bad. Well, I don't want to spoil the surprise, but it didn't turn out to be as easy as I had expected, and despite my best efforts, I still ended up pretty dirty. It took a prolific amount of scrubbing to return my skin to it's natural pasty white hue.

My saga begins with a trip to my local neighborhood Napa. I knew I should have gone to Schucks from the moment I stepped out of my car and saw a rather rotund Napa employee bent over the hood of a car, inspecting an engine, and displaying an impressive 8-10 inches of exposed ass crack. I thought of snapping a picture for your enjoyment, but quickly thought better of it. Once inside the store I found that it was busier than I'd ever seen it before. After waiting in line for several minutes I realized that the line wasn't getting any shorter and decided to head to Schucks.

The wait for help at Schucks was much much shorter, but the help I got was from either one of the dumbest people I've ever talked to, or he was stoned. I dutifully recorded the conversation for posterity and it went exactly like this:

Me: I need front brake pads for a 99 Mercury Cougar.
Him: ...Uh, what year is it?
Me: 99
Him: ...Uh, that was a Cougar?
Me: Yep.
Him: ...Uh, what did you need for it.
Me: Front brake pads.
Him: ...Uh, all we have is the standard semi-metallic pads for $22.
Me: Ok, that's not what I want, I'm going to go somewhere else.

Next stop Autozone. There was no wait at Autozone, and the guy working there wasn't a moron, so immediately it was a step in the right direction. Sadly, I quickly found out that all they stocked were bottom of the line brake pads there too. Since I consider stopping to be a relatively important thing, brakes aren't something I want to skimp on, so at this point it was time to take a moment to weigh my options. I could go online and order the parts and try again at a later date, or I could head down to the Napa distribution center by Southcenter where I knew they would have quality parts for me.

Not wanting to put off the repairs and risk being unable to drive my car, I opted for the distribution center. The wait there was quite lengthy, but my number was finally called (it was busy enough that you had to take a number), I told the woman there what I needed and was asked, "do you want cheap brakes or do you want good brakes." I told her I wanted good brakes, that I wanted ceramic brakes with electronic wear sensors. A little bit of tapping on the keyboard and she told me the cheapest brakes they had that met my specifications were $90. I had done my research online beforehand and knew I could order the brakes I wanted for $60, so I had another dilemma on my hands: pay the extra money and get it done today, or wait and do it later. I bit the bullet, paid the extra money and was on my way.

Thinking that the repairs would be easy, I began taking my car apart. The first setback came when I found out that the bolts holding the brake calipers on were so tight that I had beads of sweat rolling down my forehead and stinging my eyes as I fought to get those damn things off. My hands are still sore today from wrestling with the wrench. Once I got them off, I discovered that they had been glued in place with some locktite. Damn you Mercury!!!!

I removed the old pads and that is precisely when I realized that I am more talented at taking things apart than I am at reassembling them. The new pads just did not want to get in place. I wrestled with them, cursed at them, and just when I was about to the point that I was ready to throw something, I finally coaxed them into place. I threw the wheel back on and headed to the other side.

The ability to learn from our successes and failures is one of the things that separates us from the animals, and with the knowledge still fresh in my mind of what needed to be done to complete this task, I knew this side would be easier. First step: go to the local hardware store and get a longer wrench with more leverage for those damn bolts. That made a huge difference. Putting the new pads in their homes still proved to be a challenge, but overall this side was much easier.

So after approximately 5 hours, including all the trips to various stores, and innumerable profanities (something I learned at an early age from my Grandpa is an essential component to auto repair), I was back in business. I took a couple victory laps around the block to make sure everything worked properly and there were no surprises.

Final step: bragging about my accomplishments. I called up my Dad to let him know that I was able to successfully pull this feat off without any complications. Here is an excerpt from that call for your enjoyment:

Me: I can't tell you how hard it was to get those damn bolts off. I only found out later that they had locktite on them. I really wish I had an impact wrench.
Dad: I've got an impact wrench here.
Me: Yeah, that's really helpful at this point, thanks a lot.
Dad: That's what I'm here for.
Me: I think if I had a pneumatic wrench, I could have saved myself at least half an hour.
Dad: You probably would have saved a lot of vocabulary too.

So if you were ever wondering where I got my smart ass tendencies from, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. Now I'm back in business, and I think that the next time this comes up I'm just going to pay a mechanic to do it for me. If you are planning on a do it yourself brake job though, I did learn one very useful tip from the internet: when compressing the pistons to fit the new pads on, take the cap off of the brake fluid reservoir. It makes all the difference in the world.

Hi There

Ok, the Peter Gabriel classic Big Time has been running through my head for almost a week now. It all started on Saturday the 19th. The Mariners were having an 80's night, and in addition to them wearing some ugly throwback uniforms, they played Big Time every time Brian LaHair got up to bat. Well, by the time the next day rolled around I had forgotten about it, and it wasn't until Monday or Tuesday when I received an email that started out with "Hi There" and it all came back. Since then it has been in and out of my head all week.

I always loved this song, and despite the weirdness, I loved the video too. It is a good 8% less weird than Sledghammer, and at least 15% less likely to cause a seizure. So watch away knowing that the chances of any unfortunate side effects are minimal. Peter Gabriel had such a unique sound that I don't know really how to categorize it other than 80's music. He managed to weave together some pretty complex rhythms and use instruments uncommon in most popular music, but despite it being unusual, it really worked. He has since faded into anonymity and I can't help wondering where he is now. I also can't help wondering just what the hell Shock the Monkey was about.

Picture of the Day!

And here it is ladies and gentlemen, your weird picture of the day. Sure to be popular among the Star Wars nerd fans, I present to you a storm trooper in a bikini hoola hooping. All I can say about this is, "...huh." I guess I haven't seen it all.

New Links

I've found a couple of new entertaining web sites that I have to bring to your attention. These are going in my regular rotation. First up is Failblog. Brought to my attention by the ever entertaining Mistress of Shenanigans, it is full of pictures and videos of anything that could be appropriately described as failure. Included below for your enjoyment is an example.


But wait, there's more. 1000 Awesome Things has many awesome things for you to read about. 1000 as a matter of fact. Old, dangerous playground equipment (awesome thing #980) is my favorite so far. I want to take a ride down a blistering hot slide right now.

Not being added to my links is Daily Cuteness. There's only so much cute one person can tolerate.