Side Effects

I saw a commercial today for a drug called Lyrica and for a moment I didn't think they were going to have time to list all of the potential side effects without running out of time. I don't even remember what the drug is supposed to treat, but I can't help but wonder how bad some ailment must be in order to risk such side effects as weight gain, coordination problems, vomiting, and worst of all, suicidal thoughts and behavior. So get some Lyrica and live it up.

Here is the complete staggering list:

Dizziness
Drowsiness
Coordination problems
Weight gain
Dry mouth
Infections
Headaches
Accidental injury
Shakiness (tremors)
Memory loss, problems concentrating, or slow thinking
Constipation
Speech problems
Weakness
Increased appetite
Problems walking
Twitching
A spinning sensation (vertigo)
Chest pain
Gas
Unexplained pleasant or happy feelings (euphoria)
Vomiting
Back pain
Bladder control problems
Flu-like symptoms (such as body aches and chills)
Low blood sugar (hypoglycemia)
Nervousness
Fatigue
Feeling abnormal or drunk
Sinus infections
Joint pain
Muscle spasms
Signs of congestive heart failure, including difficulty breathing and water retention or swelling (especially in the hands, legs, or feet)
Unusual bruising or bleeding
An irregular heart rhythm (arrhythmia)
Any vision changes, including blurred vision or double vision
A need to take more Lyrica than prescribed, especially if you think you may be dependent or addicted to Lyrica
Unexplained muscle pain or weakness, especially if accompanied by a fever and fatigue
Anxiety or confusion
Signs of an allergic reaction, including unexplained rash, hives, itching, and unexplained swelling
Suicidal thinking or behavior
Sensitivity to the sun
A stiff neck
Hangovers
Canker sores
Anemia
Hiccups
Hair loss
Dry skin
Dry eyes
Taste changes
Kidney stones
Menstrual problems

Punch Out

Until someone with a Wii invites me over to play the new Punch Out, I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with this one.

It's Over

After what has been a long and stressful few weeks, this week in particular seemed unending, I finally made it to the weekend, and more importantly to a week of way overdue vacation. I've been feeling very exhausted and burned out lately and breathed a big sigh of relief as I walked out of the office today. I just hope that a week is enough to recharge my batteries. And after looking at my vacation bank I realized that I have way more vacation than I thought this year and have to start scheduling a lot more time off since I can't roll over more than 5 days.

This coming week I have a half hour (to start with) scheduled at the batting cages on Saturday, a tennis match and a softball game on Sunday, a beach volleyball game down at Alki on Monday, and am hoping to get out to the driving range at some point during the week. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday too, but that doesn't go under the enjoyable category. Last but not least, I have a few days set aside on and around the 4th of July to visit some relatives in lovely Suquamish where I can obtain and legally discharge some quality explosives and rockets, not to mention eat my fill of BBQ and pie. Along the way I also plan on sneaking a trip or two to the dojo into the schedule to do some fighting. I have to tell you, I don't know of a better outlet for pent up frustrations quite like blowing sh!t up and/or punching something or someone. I'm also going on the record now and saying that I'm open to any other entertainment or recreation options that anyone sees fit to include me in, so long as they are legal, or at the very least fit into the grey area of legality. God willing, I'll finally have the time and energy to clean up this pig sty I call home too.

I'll finish this by saying that over the last couple days Joe Satriani has gotten me through the week. I've had I Believe stuck in my head, and getting home today and cranking it up just makes me feel good. I don't know if it makes me a crotchety old man for whom things were always better back in the day, but I really miss the old Satch. I had high hopes for Chickenfoot, his new band featuring Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony of Van Halen fame and the drummer whose name I don't know from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but after purchasing the album I'm a little disappointed. Oh Yeah is a very catchy, but the rest of the album is pretty flat. It's just kind of lifeless, it feels kind of like they just threw a handful of songs together over a 3 day weekend and it feels like they were just going through the motions in the recording studio. Anyway, here is I Believe to fill you with hope. Just remember that Joe is known for his guitar playing, not his video making, or his singing for that matter although I actually think he did a good job with the vocals on this one.

Rules For Staying Young

Brought to you by Satchel Paige. And since he pitched in the major leagues until he was 59, I think he knows what he's talking about. From his autobiography Maybe I'll Pitch Forever:

1. "Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood."
2. "If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts."
3. "Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move."
4. "Go very light on the vices, such as carrying on in society—the social ramble ain't restful."
5. "Avoid running at all times."
6. "And don't look back—something might be gaining on you."

Giving up fried meats will be difficult, but hopefully I can successfully make the transition over to BBQ. As is I don't eat that many fried meats, but something is definitely angrying up my blood so maybe there is an additional culprit in my diet somewhere. Some have claimed that caffeine is to blame, but those people have all been killed.

My stomach doesn't often dispute me, but when it has I've always pacified it with Tums. I'll give cool thoughts a try next time but I'm not sure how effective it will be.

I'm not entirely sure how to jangle, but hopefully there is a video on youtube with explicit instructions on exactly how to go about this. I'd like to make some guesses on how to jangle about but honestly I don't know where to begin. My inability to jangle may be what puts me in an early grave and my tombstone will read, "here lies Scott because he was unable to jangle."

Numbers 4 and 5 are not a problem for me. Luckily my crippling anti-social behavior keeps me from the social ramble and my laziness and general hatred of running keep me from that vice. Which brings me to number 6. Due to my paranoia, I naturally assume that something or someone is gaining on me. I have my doubts that not looking back will remedy that. And to quote Richard Nixon, "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you." At least I think it was Nixon that said that, correct me if I'm wrong.

Useless Trivia

On the show Gilligan's Island, the Skipper's name is Jonas Grumby. Which I guess explains the need for a nickname.

Saucy Jack

For those of you who have been waiting over a decade for Spinal Tap to break their silence and release a new album, wait no longer. The album Back From The Dead doesn't really feature any new songs but instead contains 'reimagined' versions of their songs. But wait, there's more! For an investment of a mere $11 (from Amazon) you also get a DVD with over an hour of side splittingly funny (or so they claim) video content. It's a value you can't pass up.



Download the new song Saucy Jack here. From lead singer David St Hubbins critically acclaimed rock opera about the life of Jack the Ripper, this is a new albeit short song. But what do you expect for free? Tap is all about providing value for your entertainment dollar. Also, if you plan on being in the London area don't miss out on their one night only world tour. It is not to be missed.

Henry Poole Is Here

Going back to back on the movie reviews, I had high hopes for Henry Poole Is Here. I'm a fan of Luke Wilson and had this pegged as a heartwarming movie about hope. Instead I found a slow moving, highly predictable movie which left me feeling more bitter than hopeful.

Luke Wilson plays the titular Henry Poole, a depressed man who buys a house in a bad neighborhood, planning on drinking away the last days of his miserable life in solitude. When a stereotypical Catholic neighbor sees the face of Jesus in a stain on the side of his house from a bad stucco job, she sees a miracle and he finds his solitude continually interrupted by holy rollers. You can easily guess where it goes from there.

This is supposed to be a movie about faith and hope, but is really a contrived perpetuation of stereotypes. The stereotypical religious nuts who want to see a miracle. The stereotypical atheist who is angry at God because of some bad events in his life and thinks of the religious people as fools. The stereotypical single mom next door who just needs some attention and to feel loved. There is really nothing of substance in this film.

The deal breaker for me, however, is centered around the image of Jesus mysteriously appearing on a wall. I certainly believe in God and miracles, but the notion of Him or anyone else appearing on a wall, a tortilla, a cheese sandwich, or anywhere else is preposterous and I found it very difficult to sit through. It's idolatry, plain and simple. What is more absurd and pathetic than a group of people gathering around and worshipping an inanimate object, hoping it will solve all of their problems? And this film just propagates that fabrication. It really made the movie almost unwatchable for me. Stay away from this one.

Black Sheep

I don't know if you'd call it a request, a challenge, or even a dare. What I do know is that recently the Chuckman informed me that he'd seen a preview for a movie titled Black Sheep (not the one starring Chris Farley) and that he couldn't tell if it was so bad that it's good or so bad that it's just bad. The mighty reviewing skills of Craw Fu were called upon to make a judgment for the good of all. My initial reaction after seen the cover art was that the Chuckman was no friend of mine by making such a request. But since it scored a respectable 71% on Rotten Tomatoes, I thought I might as well give it a shot.

Black Sheep at it's heart is a treatise on the dangers of genetic engineering. For you see, the movie revolves around Henry Oldfield - a young man who has an irrational fear of sheep after some childhood trauma growing up on his family's New Zealand ranch. He returns home after several years to sign over his half of the estate to his brother, who unbeknownst to Henry has created a new breed of sheep with the help of a few top geneticists. As you may have guessed, carnage ensues.

As it turns out, this movie was awful. And not even better than awesome awful, the bad awful. The story was poorly written with bad lines liberally spread throughout the script. There was plenty of low brow humor of both the flatulence and the having sex with sheep (the WSU special as it's usually referred to) genre. Knowing it is a low budget film, I wasn't expecting great special effects, and I wasn't disappointed. In fact, several of the scenes are so poorly lit that you can't really see what's going on. And while I was by no means expecting Shakespearean actors, a few of the guys playing substantial roles were abysmal. Worst of all, the plot was very contrived and full of holes.

In my opinion, this movie was just about as bad as they come, however, it is not without it's audience. Throughout I couldn't help but be reminded of some cult classics I've seen like Re-Animator and the Peter Jackson opus Dead Alive. Fans of low budget horror films full of blood and guts and bad jokes should like this one as well. I find them quite tedious.

Today's Mildly Interesting Anecdote

After arriving to work a few minutes later than scheduled because a driver on 520 didn't realize that sometimes it's a good idea to slow down a bit when the roads are wet and subsequently smashed into the guard rail on the southbound I-5 onramp causing traffic delays, I stopped off on the 8th floor as usual to get my morning coffee. Coffee in hand, I proceeded back over to the elevators to head up to my desk when I bumped into a young couple carrying suitcases. This is a little unusual in my office building, and the woman asked me how to get to the street level. I told her to push the "L" button for the Lobby and went on my merry way, confident in their ability to escape the clutches of Safeco Plaza with that information. I assume these folks entered the wrong building, thinking it was their hotel and then managed to get trapped, but don't really know for sure. I did find it rather amusing though, and were I a more hospitable person I would have given them directions to the nearest Starbucks as well so they could get a refreshing cup of coffee and a delicious chonga bagel. I would like one of those bagels right now come to think of it.

R.I.P. Bob Bogle

Sad news today as founding member of The Ventures, Bob Bogle died Sunday. Bob was the original lead guitarist for the Tacoma band that is now in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Bob and The Ventures were pioneers in the surf guitar genre despite the fact that you couldn't surf anywhere near Tacoma. I was lucky enough to get to see him live on two occasions, and even though the band was pretty old by the time I saw them, they still put on a great show. And Bob was pretty active on stage particularly in comparison to Nokie Edwards who I believe they wheel on and off the stage with a hand truck. Bob Bogle made it to 75 years old and entertained millions of people along the way. His wasn't cheated out of any time here on Earth, but it will still be a sadder place without him.

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