Monster Sucks

I've had my resume up on Monster.com for several months now, and maybe other people have had luck with them, and maybe it's just the economy, but I have had no luck. I've been contacted for some low paying, repetitive jobs, but what really takes the cake is the emails I get from Monster. I have a search saved for Insurance jobs in the Redmond area and in the daily email I get from them, the job opportunities matching those criteria have included but are not limited to:
Bilingual video game tester (must speak French)
Light wheel vehicle mechanic
Chaplain (for the Army National Guard)
Physical Therapist
Veterinarian cardiologist
Dentist for the Navy in Tucson, AZ! What the hell is the Navy even doing in the desert?
Membership Sales (Women encouraged to apply!) at a dating service
Jurisdictional Inspector (I don't even know what the hell that is, but following the link it says, "This position is primarily responsible for conducting jurisdictional certificate inspections of boilers and pressure vessels.")
Expert C++ programmer in Alabama

This is why I'm still at the same job at this point. I'm just about at the point where I give up on Monster and start trying some other options. Either that or become a chaplain. But since it's a free service, I guess you get what you pay for. Good times.