Figgins

Anyone who knows me can attest that I'm not one to hold an irrational grudge or to hate someone without good reason. That's why it should tell you something when I say I hate Chone Figgins. What bothers me so much about him? Well, the fact that he has the nerve to pronounce his first name "Shawn". It has been suggested that "choad" is a more appropriate pronunciation and I think there may be something to that.

Regardless, this brazen assault on the English language is offensive. How dare he, or more likely his parents, cobble together a random assortment of letters and pretend it's pronounced in a way that no literate human being would pronounce it? It is no less than giving the finger to everyone with the ability to read. And so it is your duty to relentlessly heckle him at every available opportunity. That is letting him off easy.