Shocking MLB Revelation

The baseball world was rocked today when the long awaited report from Senator George Mitchell was released. The revelation the Bud Selig has been using performance enhancing drugs for years was the biggest surprise to be named in the report. A visibly shaken Selig was quick to announce that he had received tainted supplements and that he never intentionally took banned substances.

While many think that this will forever tarnish the integrity of the game, to others it came as no surprise. Leading baseball analyst Charles Liotta was quoted as saying, "there is no way that a man of his age could keep up such a rigorous schedule of screwing up the game of baseball without the use of performance enhancing drugs. The long hours and extensive travel around the country required to piss off so many baseball fans should have driven him to retirement years ago."

While fair weather baseball fan Shawn Heinle quipped, "Bud Selig is a jacka$$" and occasional baseball watcher Pat Ott had this to say, "huh?"

At the upcoming winter owners meetings, the primary topic of discussion is rumored to be finding a quality assassin to kill Bud Selig. While Mariners owner Hiroshi Yamauchi is pushing to bring in a Yakuza expert, he has met with resistance from Yankees owner George Steinbrenner who favors employing a domestic hit man. "Why go overseas when there are first rate mob contract killers right here?"

Whichever way they choose, experts agree that this is the only viable way for Major League Baseball to resurrect the public's trust.